Destiny

3.I hate him

Bright

I look at the ring and the note i left for my love. I am sorry, i said and quietly leave the room. All the way i cant stop my tears. I felt suffocated. I cant breath. I wish i die right now. I slowly leave the hospital. I felt like lost deer. I dont have any destination. So i choose to walk aimlessly. I am so tired. I really dont know how long i already walk. Still in confuse state i walk and i heard loud horn. I smile because i will be death. I wish to death than live with this hurt. (*suicide will bring pain to your loved one and family, please ask for help if you need one. Life is gift and love your self*)
Bright, i hear someone call me before i black out.

When i wake up, i was in big white room. I must be dead. I should be in hell because i leave my love cruelly. Why i am in heaven i ask my self. I look at my surrounding. Are you okay, someone ask me. I dont know why but my body start shivering. I felt cold and the voice is so familiar. Are you okay, someone hold me. Leave me, i yell as loud as i could. His smell his touch are so familiar but its scaring me. Bright calm down. Someone try to calm me down. Leave me please, leave me i beg with all my life. Doctor, the voice yell and hold me tight. I become more scare. I try to escape but that someone so strong. I felt sting, then black out again.

Every thing is cloudy now. I really confuse. What happen to me. I need my win. He will guide me. I need my love he will hug me. I am so scare right now. I want to find him. I need to find him. Stop bright, you cant, i hear small voice. You promise his mom the voice softly remind me. I must be crazy. I keep hearing voice. I promise his mom i ask myself. Now everything come back to me like a movie. I can see how uncle and aunty come to my ward. I try my best to hide my bruise. I politely sit and look down. How are bright, aunty ask me softly. I try to answer but i cant. I just can look at her. I am sorry, but can you leave win, she ask me slowly. I like you bright, i really like you but i cant let you be with win she said gently. I am really sorry, can you help this poor mother she ask and slowly kneeling. Aunty , i quickly jump down. Please, i said and help her to get up. I really love him aunty, i will only listen to him, i said slowly. I cant break his heart, i said try to convince her. Dont be too selfish bright, uncle suddenly said. If you love win, you should leave him. Do you want to destroy his life , he ask me. He is born to be the family head. He have huge responsibility. Do you really want to be the reason he destroy himself and our family, he ask me firmly. I really cant say anything, so i just look down. You know he wont leave you, even after being like this, he still wont leave you. Dont you pity him, he ask me again.  Phi, aunty try to stop his husband. Do you still feel you are qulified to be his partner even only as his  secret lover , he ask me again. Its really hit me hard. Before , i try to accept you as his secret lover, keep you in the dark but now i cant even accept that. How could you be this selfish, he ask me again. I really felt lost. I only can look at uncle and aunty. I will kill him myself than let him destroy himself , he said again and this time i can see tears. No, i said slowly. Please, he suddeny beg on his knees. I dont want to kill my own son, he said again. Then aunty also on her knees. I try to get them up but they push me. I have no choice but to kneeled with them. I am sorry, i will leave win, can you give me time. I promise ,i will leave him, i said with all the tears. Please get up, you are win parent, i dont want him sad, i beg both of them. Dont worry, i will leave, i said slowly but firm. I promise, i said. Now both of them look at me. I am sorry bright, aunty said and hug me. I am really sorry , she said. I just nod. Can you keep it secret from win, she ask me. Again, i nod. When win come back from his event, i keep hugging him because i will miss him.  He look at me weirdly when i become clingy. I will used all the time i have now and leave without regret. I want him to be my good memory. I will love him all my life with my own way.

You need to eat , suddenly i hear the voice that hunt me every night.  I quickly stand up and look at him for the first time. I pray he is someome else. I never pray this hard. I nearly fell down and he quickly try to safe me. Dont touch me i said and distance myself. Leave me alone i said and try to run. Dont hurt me , again i beg him. I dont know how i am in rapist house. I cant stop shaking.  This must be god answer because i hurt win. I wish to die but not here. I hate this man so much. I hate him. I will never forgive him.

01.10.23