Destiny

20.My request

Win

I try my best, i ignored his sad eyes. I know he is forcing himself. I know everything, but i dont want to lose him.
I am holding at my last hope.
But i know, he already decide what he want. I trust him, when he said he dont love bible but he will learn to love him.
I know, I already lost him, when he start being polite in front of me. I know i lost him when he can cry and laugh with bible. He already fall for bible. He just dont realize it's yet. I just know him too much.

Just like him, i also try to be nice to my wife. Some how i pity her for taking care of her pregnancy alone. I am a loser, i dont deserve bright and her. I dont deserve to be a father. I try to be responsible person. I try to move on.
It near her due, that why i stay at her house. Honestly we still stay like a stranger. We just married for the child. I really cant love her. She is a good girl. She know what happen and she try to do her best. She dont force or presure me and she even willing to divorce after childbirth. She know i cant love her. I really cant lie and hurt her again. I choose to be her friend and luckily, she accept it with her big heart.

Are you okay, i ask her when he look a bit weak this few days. I am okay, i just tired. The due is near, so i easily get tired she said and smile at me. I quickly help her to get up and send her to her room. Call me if you need anything i said. She just nod. After a few days being together , I realise emely is cool girl. He never show her weak side. She always smile and try to make me comfortable
I am really thankful for her understanding. I believe after a while, we will become close friend.

I leave the meeting and speeding to hospital. I should not leave her today, I reluctant to leave, but she make me go to office because of important meeting. You are stupid metawin, i yell.
It scary and exciting at the same time  for me. While living together i cant wait to see my son.
I can see our parent now waiting at the labor room. How is she, i ask. Still no news, my mom said. I am his husband, i suppose to go inside but i cant because emely request to be alone and the hospital need to respect that. After two hours, we can hear a baby cry. I am running to the door . I pray hard for both of them. While i still worry, a doctor come out from the labor room and quickly ask for her guardian. As her husband i go to him. I need your permission to make another operation. She is bleeding non stop because of her cancer, she said. Her what i ask doctor. She look at me weirdly. Dont you know your wife are cancer patient, she ask me. I look at my parent and quickly sign the permission form. All of them just look down and I can see how my mother in law cry. What going on.

Its already 2 weeks, but emely still in the ICU. I come to visit her everyday. I walk slowly with guilty heart. Mr win, She awake now, a nurse tell me happily. They must thinking that we are loving couple. I quickly go to Emely. Hi phi, i am sorry to make you worry she said cheerfully. I just look at her holding our child. He look like you so much, she said again. I try to talk but i cant find any word. I am too shame to ask or talk to her. I am too cruel to her. Phi, can i meet phi bright, she ask me suddenly. Why, i ask her. He want to see our son, i promise him before, she said. I dont know, but i will ask bible i said. Thank you phi, she said and kiss our son non stop. I love you baby she said again and again. I dont know why, I suddenly felt peace when I see both of them. I felt I can breath a bit.

Both of them look happy playing with my kid. Bible look so tense while waiting for his husband . He wont dissapear, i said annoyed with his look. But again he just look at his husband and my wife. What wrong with this guy. I cant help but to observe him. I can see love in his eyes. He cant let anyone hurt his husband. He even worry with my wife who are very nice and kind. Maybe bright is lucky, he always surround by people who love him sincerely including me. I suddenly felt relieve and I can breath better now. I dont have that suffocating feeling anymore. I can trust this guy. I look at bible who now his expression change drastically. He stand up and look at his husband. That make me look at my wife and bright. What make bright look shock and run to his husband. Lets go home phi , see you win , he said and leave immediately. He even drag bible. What happen, i ask emely. Nothing, she said . Emely, I said. I just tell phi bright that i can give him my son , so he can be with you. That way, both of you can stay together. No one can say anything about your heir anymore , emely said calmly. Emely , i shout at her. Let me help you phi, i know i cant survive. I always feel guilty , she said calmly. No, you cant and you will survive this , i said coldly and hug her. For the first time i hug her. You will see our son growing, you will see him go to school, i said with tears. I felt like a stupid guy. She dont response but just crying sadly. I am the cruelest person in this world. How could i cant see her suffer. That make bible differ from me, he already can read Emely plan. That why he look so worry.
He really care every detail for bright life.
He might be look rough and serious person, but the truth is, he care so much about his husband.

I now hug my baby and look at the doctors who try to safe his mother. I know this is the end of this beautiful soul. I really cry hard. I felt really sorry and guilty. If i am more attentive and caring, at least she will happy at the end of her life. I am really sorry. I hug my baby and keep saying i am sorry.
Her last wish is very painful. How could she ask me to promise that i will bring bright back. He ask me to live with her son and bright. How could i.

I look at my baby and felt really sorry for him. I wish its me who die instead of emely, his mom. I still cant accept emely death but i push myself because i have kavin now. I cant let emely sacrifice wasted. My mom take emely roles. She take care of her grandson. After a long thought and consideration i finally decide to see bible for my late wife. This is the last thing i can do for her.
I need to see bible. This time i will go to his place. What do you want, he ask me. I want bright, i said. He look at me and said. I think , we already over about this. I am his husband. Have some respect , he said angrily. I wont let emely sacrifice wasted , i said. She fight and give birth to my child because he want me and bright to be together. No one will ask about my heir again, i said. What are you talking about, he ask me. Emely ask me to bring bright back and raise our son together. She already give my son to him, i said. Get out, bible yell and for the first time i see bible angry. I will wait for him , i said. I dont ask for permision, i just state my request.

After that, i walk to emely grave. Its crazy, but i already do it. I already fullfil your wish. Both of us know, its useless.
So please rest in peace. I will take care of our baby and love him like you. I will teach him to be loving person who have big heart like you. I am sorry, and thank you for giving me such lesson. I now really can move on. I will leave it to destiny and I will learn to accept my destiny.

10.10.23