Destiny

21. what i do wrong

Bright

What wrong phi, i ask my husband when he look a bit differ lately. Nothing, i want to be alone he said and get into his study room. I am worry, because he never behave like this. Is it  business problem. I cant get involve if he refuse me like this. All i can do is waiting for him to share with me. I will wait for him. Did he change his heart and dont like me anymore i cant help but keep thinking like this. We dont have clear concrete relation. Everything because of unavoidable situation. It understandable if he change his heart. I cant say much and accept my destiny.

Its been a month. We rarely talk and he always try avoid me. He dont even want to be intimate with me. I finally find some strength and confront my husband.  What wrong phi, we need to talk, i said firmly. Nothing, he said again. Really, i ask him. Yes , he said and try to leave. Do you hate me now , i ask him slowly. I dont want to be a burden. I need everything to be clear and i need to ready for everything. He suddenly stop but he did not deny my question. I must be right. What i do wrong, i ask him calmly. I cant cry anymore. I have cry enough for him. Nothing, dont be silly , he said try to leave me again. I will move out, i said slowly. As you wish, he reply and leave our room for real this time. Its okay bright, I said to myself. It's okay, you will be alright, i said again. I sit on the floor and keep thinking what going on. So he really dont like me, i finally decide. Dont cry I said again. Its okay I said again and again. But my tears seems cant stop falling.

I slowly pack my last bag and wait for my husband. Its already a week after i confront him. I ask him to come home for the last time. I need to thank him. He do so much for me. I cant be ungrateful person. Even i am in pain and hurt so much right now, i cant be ungrateful to him. Are you okay phi, I ask when he look a bit restless.
I will send you, he suddenly said ignored my question. I look at him and smile. No need phi, i said. I really want to plead him at the first place,  but i really dont have a chance. Can i hug you phi, i ask slowly. He did not answer , so i gently hug him. Thank you for everything phi, thank you so much, i said trying to hold my tears. I will miss his warm and smell. But like a stone he stand there and not response to me. Lets go ,he said and grab my bag. Like always i just listen to him.

It was so quiet. Both of us keep quiet. Where are we, i ask when we suddenly arrive at luxury apartment. I can see he send message to someone. Without any word he leave me at the lobby, i look at him who now look at me from his car. After looking at each other he finally leave me alone. Where am i ask. What going on, i ask again and again. I look around and really confuse. Then i can see win running to me. Are you really coming, he ask me worrily. What are you talking about , i ask him. Then why are you here, he ask me. I dont know, i said sincerely. That stupid mafia, suddenly win curse. I see , i said after win tell me the reason why phi bible send me here. I am sorry, i cant, I said slowly and look at win eyes. He look calm and peace now. I am happy for him. Thank you for being strong I said in my heart. I try hard to smile. Come here, win said and hug me gently. I know you wont come, he said . I am sorry, but i really cant, i said again and cry. Dont cry, everything will be okay, let me call that bastard, win said. No, i said quickly. Thank you win, but I really need to go, i said. Where are you going, win ask me. You cant go alone, win said again worrily. Bible will kill me, he said. Dont worry, he dont care about me, i said and smile. Bright, it not true, you know it, win said and look into my eyes deeply. At least let me send you , win said. No, i said firmly. If you think me as your friend , dont call my husband, i said and leave.

Its already two weeks.
Why you look so sad lately, grandpa simon ask me. No, i am okay. I just tired , i said try to change the topic. After leaving win house, i come back to my farm house. It still clean and well mantained. This is my life. All i do this two weeks is crying all day long. If not because of grandpa simon, i wont leave my room. I must have no luck in love. Why i need to leave everyone i love. I cant blame anyone. It's my destiny.
I sit on my swing and try hard to forget my husband.

After helping grandpa simon, i walk back to my house. I can see a few car parked in front of my house.
What is he doing here, i ask myself when i see my husband. Is he coming for divorce. Its okay bright, you are prepare for this i said to my self and calmly walk to him. I can see how his eyes keep staring at me. Hi phi, i said and smile try to hide my sadness. Can i help you phi, i ask him. I try to act as normal as i could. Kitten, he call me slowly. No, dont , i said with teary eyes. please be strong bright , i scold myself. Why are you here phi, i ask after wiping my tears. Lets go home baby, he said slowly. Which home, i ask. I am at my home, i already at my home , i said with broken voice. I am sorry baby, he said try to touch me. No, dont, i said quickly. I am sorry, but can you leave me alone, i ask him. I really cant face him now. Baby please, he said. No, i said firmly. I quickly close my door and run to my room. After being alone i start crying. Stupid bright, how much tears you have , i scold myself. I bite my hand to make me stop crying. But i just cant. I must be crazy to cry for someone who throw me from his life. I have no meaning in his life. He simply push me away. Why should i cry for someone who dont want me, i ask myself angrily. But i still cant stop crying.

Kitten, he call me and i look at him. How he get into my house. I quickly stand up and look at him. This is trespassing, i said pretend to be strong. I am sorry baby, he said and hug me tight. I miss him so much. I try to escape but he hold me tight. I am sorry he keep ask for forgiveness. After a few moment , with all the energy i have, i push him hard. Please leave me alone, i said. Dont worry, I will sign the divorce paper , I said and wiping my tears at the same time. Baby please, he said. Phi, you dont need to throw me to other person, I will leave queitly if you ask me too, i said. Why you need to be so cruel, you just need to tell me and i will go, i said crying sadly. I really cant hold it anymore. Why, what i do wrong, i ask him again and again. I am sorry baby, he said again and then i see black.

10.10.23