A Helping Hand | MYG & KTH

10 ~ Answers Hidden in Bottles

When I head upstairs to find Namjoon, it takes a me a moment to figure out which room he's taken, knocking lightly on his open door once I've found him. He turns his head to look in my direction from the book he's reading, expression disinterested as he reluctantly places a bookmark inside of the book and shutting it gently.

"I don't feel like going elsewhere to have this discussion. Come on in." He mutters bitterly, gaze locked on the closed hardback in his hands. My eyes fall shut at his attitude, trying not to let my heavy sigh be too noticeable as I pull a smile on and step inside, shutting the door behind myself.

"It's a shitty thing to be going around and placing blame on the second youngest in this band for everything that happened when it's all due to a bunch of anonymous assholes that you'll never be able to shut up." Namjoon remarks, nose beginning to scrunch up in disgust to match his tone, not lifting his gaze yet. My jaw locks at his words, and if it weren't for the Valium now pumping strongly through my veins, I'd have lost my shit on him already.

"I'm not here to talk about Taehyung specifically, Namjoon. I'm here to talk about what happened as a whole, and what happened to you in the process, how you were feeling throughout all of it." I respond, not entirely sure how in the hell I manage to keep my tone as light as it is. The elder simply glares when he finally looks up at me though.

"Oh? You've figured out already that accusing our second youngest isn't going to solve anything or make anyone feel any better?" Namjoon snaps angrily, and the way my forearms begin to burn warns me that I'm pushing my own luck with myself. My smile manages not to falter though, and I can only hope I don't look insane at this point.

"Namjoon, I'm going to respectfully request that you keep your thoughts about myself and my questions, about my tactics to yourself. I never accused Taehyung of anything, I've only asked Jin and Jimin both questions about what happened in relation to him. Please, don't make this conversation anymore difficult than we both already know it's going to be." I end up surprising myself with how calm and even my voice stays as I speak, and I can only hope that he's going to allow us to get on with this conversation before I regret pushing my luck the way I currently am.

"No, fuck you! I'm no idiot and Jin hyung wouldn't lie. I have no interest in talking to some bitch that just wants to convince the rest of us to kick Taehyung out." Namjoon grinds out, seething at this point.

The combination of his tone, volume, and anger  is enough to feel like I've just been smacked, but I can see it in his eyes how close he is to doing exactly that. It has me feeling like I'm sitting here in front of my father all over again, sitting in front of others from my childhood as though just waiting for the rest of hell to rain down on myself. It's enough to completely silence myself for I don't even know how long, working like hell to keep myself present and outside of the raging pool of nasty emotions just waiting to get their chance to come to light.

I've been sent to this place far too many times to not be able to recognize what's happening, having grown far too familiar with the warning feelings that come just before my temper fully goes, and it's a difficult fight to keep myself from going where I know will only fully destroy every single one of these boys in this house. I don't know how long it takes in order to reduce the seething buzz in my head, but by the time I can get it shrunk, the burning in my forearms has spread to my upper arms and my chest has become heavy.

"Should I start digging graves then? Drop Taehyung back off at the prison we picked him up from this morning? I'll just send Jungkook there with him while I'm at it?" And there's a certain energy to my tone, an airy laugh that drips my mouth as I glance back up at Namjoon, something that has his anger quickly dissipating into backed off fear.

"What the hell are you talking about?" His voice is but a mere whisper at this point, but there's a tinge of desperation to it that screams how much he doesn't like the sound of my words.

"You don't want to talk to me, so shall I just start digging graves and tossing everyone where I know they'll end up? That's what's going to happen if each of you refuse to talk to me. Hell, even if everyone else talks to me, if you yourself choose not to, it'll still end the same. The outcome won't change. Go ahead, Namjoon, keep fighting me, who should we bury first hm?" I challenge, and I hate the feeling of the way my hands are ever so slightly beginning to shake.

"Nobody. We're not burying anyone, Jaekyung. Cut it the fuck out." Namjoon breathes out, but he's got tears in his eyes and the fear he's drowning in at the moment is clear as day in them.

"We're going to end up burying every single one with the exception of Taehyung and possibly Jungkook going back to prison, Namjoon. Don't you get it yet? You all are so fucking interconnected, just one of you refusing this process is enough to prevent anyone from getting any fucking better, is enough for us to end up burying each of you. So what's it going to be, Namjoon? You going to talk to me, or should we start digging?" I struggle out exasperatedly. I hate how raggedy my breathing's become, but I'm still struggling just sitting here and not raising total hell for the way I've been spoken to and treated in these last few hours.

"You really think that would happen?" Namjoon's voice is airy at this point, but I purse my lips and nod my head, trying so very hard to break through all of this with him before I break myself.

"Fine."

Namjoon's head hangs lowly as he sighs, reluctantly setting his book to his side before his hands are falling to his lap limply. He stays silent for a moment, but I don't bother pushing, hoping he'll finally start speaking while I try to keep myself under control.

"Things were really good. Our careers were taking off, the youngest three had graduated, we were gearing up for a new tour. Everything started off so amazing. We probably left for tour no more than a couple weeks after they'd graduated, but we were over a month into touring when Jin hyung sat us all down and told us about what he'd noticed Jimin was going through, about the fact that he couldn't seem to get through to him since he had been reading so much hate. It was tough. I tried talking to Jimin about it, but he had no interest in discussing the matter.

"And Taehyung got angry. It was slow at first, and he was able to manage it for a while. I don't know what broke him, but at some point, it was like his entire resolve had up and walked off. It got so much worse after that. So much worse. It was a horrible feeling. I felt like I had lost all control I'd ever had on anything, felt like I must've fucked up so badly at some point or another without having realized it for the way Jimin and Taehyung refused to talk to me. It was the last show of the tour when Jimin slipped.

"The next... what? Week? Went by in a fucking blur. Jimin getting hospitalized, Taehyung getting arrested, Jin hyung getting hospitalized... it all happened so fast. I never liked the taste of alcohol, but in the heat of the moment the burning sensation it left every time I took a drink, fuck it, it was better than the shitty feeling of everything else. I was angry at the world for all of it happening to the three of them the way it had, angry at Yoongi for continuing to try and keep it all together. I had no interest in attending the appointment he'd set up and had no interest in trying to keep calm during it either. I didn't know anything had happened to Hobi or Kook until you were picking us all up earlier."

He falls silent after that, and I run a hand through my hair before standing. His head lifts up at this, watching me cautiously.

"Thank you. That's all I was looking for. I'm going to head downstairs and begin making dinner for everyone, I'll holler for you all when it's ready."