A Helping Hand | MYG & KTH

31 ~ Second Chances

The next few days pass by in the blink of an eye, and before I know it, I'm wandering the halls of the school building once more, Taeju having managed to negotiate my out of an expulsion and into a suspension instead. I'm nearly halfway through the day when I finally reach Ms. Ko's class, my last one before lunch. Everyone has given me looks all day long, though no one's said a word to me, everyone making a pathway so as not to be too close to me.

I can feel her gaze on me when I enter into the classroom, though I'm mildly surprised when she doesn't avert it elsewhere when I look over to her, instead offering me a small smile. My face twists up in confusion at her reaction, rolling my eyes as I head off to take my seat, not hesitating to pull my notebook and pen out so that I can continue working, needing to come up with two more concepts and album covers before I can finally be done with the first phase of this whole process and get them to Daewoo before he loses his patience with me on that.

Class is soon starting though, and I frown lightly when Ms. Ko flicks the lights off and puts the blinds down on the windows. I look up at her in annoyance, not at all understanding what she's trying to do today. She merely gives us all a small smile though as she moves to the front of the classroom, where she begins fiddling with the projector next.

"We're doing something different today, so hopefully you'll all enjoy the small break from the pressures of all your other classes for a bit while you're here with me. I want you all to take out a sheet of paper. I'm going to play two American music videos for everyone, and I want you all to just sit and watch and listen. Afterwards, I want you all to write in English your responses and reactions to each video. What your thoughts about them are, how much you did or did not understand. This will simply be for a completion grade, and there will be no homework to follow it today, so please try to just pay attention." She informs us as she finishes getting the projector set up.

I frown at this, not at all interested in losing an entire class period that I should be working. I know I'll be one of few who actually understands the words of the song though, something I had busied myself with when I was younger in attempt to distract from everything else happening around me, something that was reinforced when I had to do Eunji and Bokgi's homework when they were taking the required English classes in college.

I let out a quiet sigh as I flip to a second clean page in my notebook, knowing I won't get the opportunity to work since this is an in-class completion assignment. Begrudgingly, I shift my attention to the whiteboard where the projection is, waiting for Ms. Ko to sit down and play the videos that she'd just mentioned.

However, as she begins to play the first music video, I feel my body tense within the first fifteen seconds. I can feel a pair of eyes on me, but I don't bother focusing on that, rather trying to focus on the first video that's being played, despising the way my breath grows shallow, recognizing all too well what topic this video is covering. My skin crawls as the video continues on, and it takes everything in me to control myself and stay seated through this first video, hoping with everything in me that the second video will be better, that it'll be different, that it won't talk about the abuse and inaction of teachers who witness it.

I feel less than relieved when the first video ends, choked up at the way the story the artist tells comes to an end. An end that I've experienced and lived through. I feel my jaw clenched when Ms. Ko switches over to the second video though, feeling the tears pricking at the corners of my eyes as it too stays on the same topic as the first.

I hardly make it halfway through the video, despising the way these videos take my hellish life and turn it into something they make money off of, scoffing as I slide my things off my desk and into my bag before standing up and walking out. I can feel everyone's eyes on me, but I don't care in the slightest, refusing to sit here and watch these videos that publicize the hell I grew up with, the trauma that haunts me day in and day out, refuse to sit there and write some fucked up response to videos like these.

I get halfway down the hallway before I finally stop, the task of breathing too hard to be able to carry on in my attempt to leave. I soon hear the classroom door open and shut carefully, causing me to snap my head back in that direction to see what's happening. It's Ms. Ko who walks out though, sad smile on her face as she cautiously makes her way towards me. She's got her hands up in a way to say she wants no harm, that she's hoping not to scare me off, and if I could get a damn grip on my breathing then I'd be out the door a half hour ago.

"I thought I might get that reaction out of you." She mentions softly once she's close enough. I just glare at her though, lungs constricting in a way that doesn't allow me to give her the hell I so desperately want her to feel right now for putting me through something like that. All I can manage is a glare, though I can feel the tears in my eyes still, and I curse myself for having bothered to pay attention.

"Why don't we sit down for a minute, yeah? Let you catch your breath." She suggests gently, and I have no control at all when she carefully helps me to sit down on the floor in the hallway. I have no idea what in the hell she's trying to do, but I don't like it one bit, don't appreciate it in the slightest. Even once we're sitting, my glare doesn't settle yet, not at all trusting this woman now sitting beside me.

"What the hell are you trying to do? What are you trying to get out of all of this?" I spit out as best I can, though it doesn't at all come off as threatening as I want it to. She just offers me another smile instead, not seeming at all bothered by any of this.

"I've heard what the other kids have said about you, Jaekyung. I know the reputation you've developed over the years of trying to finish your schooling. I had a friend who went through what you have, who suffered in silence with no one to help her, just like you. I don't want to see what happened to her, happen to you though. You have it worse too, because of being in the public eye all the time. I want to help you, Jaekyung." Ms. Ko's tone is warm, sadness seeping into her smile as she keeps her gaze on me. I just scoff at this though, looking away from her as I try to regain control over my body.

"There's nothing to be helped. That shit ended a long time ago." I mutter out, not bothering to glance her way. I hear her sigh at this though, and I find myself rolling my eyes at the sound.

"That may be, but that doesn't mean you don't still suffer from the effects of it. If there was nothing to be helped, if it didn't still cause you problems to this day, then you wouldn't have the reputation that you do, and you wouldn't have stormed out of class like that." She counters. There's no accusations in her tone though, and it makes me frown as I look back in her direction.

"And what exactly the hell do you think there for you to help me with? I can do my work just fine. I just don't put up with people's bullshit." I finally manage to snap, not liking how cornered I feel right now. Yoongi's the only one who has even half an idea as to how what I went through still effects me to this day, and I don't know how this bitch has figured it out but I don't trust it or appreciate it in the slightest. She smiles at my question though, and I have no idea what to make of the fact that she hasn't seemed the slightest bit off-put my by attitude since we came out here.

"I don't want you attending regular classes anymore. I've heard the other teachers talk about you, Jaekyung. You're incredibly bright and talented, but you never earn any recognition from it due to the fights you're always getting into. I want you taking classes in the teacher's lounge from now on, and we'll supply you with more appropriate level work for you. You stay here for as long as it takes you to work through what we provide you before the school day is over, and you're free to leave when it's finished if you finish before the day is up. It gives you a fighting chance to finally finish up your last year of schooling without dealing with shitty teachers and asshole students that attend here." Ms. Ko suggests, and all I can seem to do is tilt my head to the side, trying to figure out where this is all coming from.

"It's not like anyone here would ever approve of that. Why the hell do you want to help me anyways? I'm nothing more than another face in the crowd to you." I argue, not at all believing that something like this could ever actually happen for me. She shakes her head in response, and I feel nearly agitated at such reaction.

"I don't want to see you end up the way my friend did. I'll need a day or two, but I can make it work. I need you to give me that chance though."