A Helping Hand | MYG & KTH

41 ~ Suffocating Silence

Jaekyung POV

Stepping back inside the house behind Taehyung, I make sure to close the door behind me, though I don't move away from it the way he does, still unsure that this is such a great idea. My eyes instantly dart around to everyone in the room, nobody much having moved other than Jungkook who's moved to sit down on the couch with Hoseok. Yoongi's still stood by the studio he'd exited out of earlier, Jin's still in the kitchen with his back turned towards the rest of us, everyone else sat on the couches in the living room. Everyone's attention snaps to me as I tug the door shut except for Jin who doesn't so much as glance back towards me, and it leaves me feeling more awkward and uncomfortable than I have in a very long time.

"Jae, why don't you come sit with me and Jimin?" Taehyung offers when he realizes I've yet to move from the door. I purse my lips, looking around to see that he does happen to have the space with him and Jimin, Jungkook curled into Hoseok as they share another couch with Namjoon. It leaves the third couch empty, means that Yoongi will have to sit alone if I sit with my brother who's sat on the middle couch, and as much as I'm not really ready to be close to any of them in any sort of way yet, I find myself trudging to the empty couch after slipping my shoes off. I sit at the far corner of it, tugging my legs up to my chest as I wrap my arms around it, not wanting to be too close to any of them after what I'd been doing outside.

"Why do you smell of smoke, Jae?" Yoongi questions as he finally moves to take a seat on the couch with me. He sits on the opposite end of it, seeming to do what he can to keep as much space between us without sitting with my brother. I take a deep breath at the question, at the dejection in his voice, gaze falling to the wooden slats of flooring in the center of the living room, not knowing how to feel about the question or the fact that he won't actually look at me directly.

"Because I thought I wasn't coming back in here. I thought I was leaving and I needed to calm down before I actually started driving." I breathe out, not bothering to look around at anyone else in the room. I can feel the confusion permeating through the air at my words, but nobody bothers to question or challenge my answer, the room falling silent all over again as I finish speaking.

"Jae, what happened? Why didn't I have a clue about you or our family?" Taehyung finally asks when nothing more is said, seeming to want to get this conversation moving. I don't know if it's for his benefit or mine, but I appreciate it either way, not wanting to have to suffer under the heavy weight of the silence filling the room any longer than I have to. I scrunch my nose up at the question all the same though, not particularly thrilled that I'm having to have this conversation at all as I run a hand through my hair before ruffling it.

"You don't remember anything because you left before you were old enough to really have much of a recollection about us. You didn't experience remotely as much trauma as you could have because I kept you out of the house as much as possible, and so your brain has done what it can to repress the negative memories and feelings from that time. This isn't a pretty conversation you're looking for us to have, Taehyung, and it's going to painful for you as these memories and feelings get dug up. I hope you understand that. I'm telling this story solely for your benefit and I'm only doing it here in everyone else's presence because it's what you wanted, and you've expressed that others want to be privy to this story as well.

"I want you to understand that I planned to take this information with me to my grave. You not anyone else outside of those who already know, were ever supposed to find out. I'm telling you this information for your benefit. I am not looking for nor do I care to be judged for anything of what I share. I will answer any and all questions that anyone has, but I will leave if all any of you are going to do is judge me for the information I've previously withheld or for any of the decisions I've made along my life." I start out, not wanting to get myself into all of this if all it's going to do is cause a riot at the end. I've suffered all my life enough, I don't need people giving me shit for the ways I've managed or for the decisions I made when I only had myself to consult on right or wrong.