A Helping Hand | MYG & KTH

39 ~ Rainbows & Blue Skies

I huff at the sound of the practice room door being opened, raking a hand through my hair as I walk away from where I'm stood so that I can go pause the music that I'd been working on choreography for. I don't bother looking in the direction of the door nor at the reflection of it, certain that it's probably just one of my asshole bandmates or someone from one of the other bands or even simply my manager. I don't really care who it is, don't really have an interest in the presence from any of them, even if I do have obligations to all of them.

I just shut the music off, turning on my heel to finally look at who my interruption is this time, frowning when it's none of who I would've guessed it to be. It's no one from any of the bands I work with, nor is it my manager. I'm both confused and disappointed to find that it's instead my brother stood in front of the door he's just closed, mixed emotions clear as day on his face. I can't find any words to say to him, just frowning with furrowed brows as I take in his disheveled state. He's in a regular pair of jeans and a hoodie, and I can see the uncertainty in his eyes clearly. He seems to be battling the same struggle though, taking in my own appearance that I know is complete shit at this point.

"What are you doing here, Taehyung? How'd you even find me?" I eventually bring myself to ask, withholding a sigh as I avert my gaze to elsewhere in the practice room. He doesn't answer right away, and it has me returning my attention back to him, only to find that he's not moved and that his gaze is still locked on me.

"Your tattoo artist told me." It's all the more he says before he drops his gaze from me, moving to sit down on the floor with his back against the wall beside the door. I purse my lips at the news, nodding wordlessly from where I'm stood on the other side of the room.

"Doesn't tell me what you're doing here though." I comment softly, reluctantly moving to sit myself down so that I can lean my back against the mirrored wall next to me. He just nods at this, staying silent for a moment. I don't bother saying anything more either, not really knowing what to do with him here, not really sure what to make of the fact that he's here.

"Why did you leave?" He finally drags his gaze back up to me, looking absolutely exhausted from where he's sat. I take a deep breath at the question, leaning my head back against the cool glass behind me.

"If either of us should've left that night, it should've been me. Not you. You've done well for yourself without me around. Without knowing who was around. I'd rather leave than be the cause of your death too. Seemed like it was only reasonable that I leave. I imagine it made Jin content as well, and I'm sure some of the others shared the sentiment even if they didn't say it explicitly." I breathe out, averting my gaze to the ceiling above us.

"You didn't even wait for me to wake up. From what the others said, you hardly waited long enough for me to get out of surgery." Tae mumbles, dejection clear in his voice.

"Well it would've been hard for me to leave before you were out of surgery. Someone had to replace all of the fucking blood you drained." I snort with an eye roll, not even surprised that they would make it sound that way.

"Taeju said you saved my life."

I return my gaze to my brother at this point, eyebrow quirked at him.

"What was the point of saving me if you were just going to leave?" There's tears in his eyes this time, though his voice is steady all the same.

"You say that as if I want you dead." I breathe out, not feeling much better than himself at the moment. He huffs at this, bitter smile forming on his lips.

"That's kind of how it feels. Feels like you want nothing to do with me. You clearly knew who I was when you first agreed to help us all, and yet you never said anything. You didn't say anything until you didn't have a choice and you said it yourself that I wasn't supposed to know. Then, you turn around and save me from fucking dying just to leave again. It doesn't exactly feel like you want anything to do with me." Taehyung argues, finally looking away himself. I let out a heavy sigh, shaking my head as I look away once more myself.

"It's not that I want nothing to do with you. It's that you've had a great life for yourself since I managed to get you out of the house when we were kids. You were safe, and you were happier once you left. You've grown up and done amazingly for yourself. And if forgetting about me and our family was what it took for you to be happy and healthy, then that's what I want for you. I want you to be happy, Taehyung. I want you to be happy and healthy and safe. You wouldn't have done what you did that night if it hadn't been for me. You were pissed as hell at me that night and wanted nothing to do with me. You hated the fact that I was all you had left. It seemed only right and for the better that I leave."

My voice is barely a whisper, and I'm wishing I were closer to my bag so that I could retrieve the bottle that's hidden inside of it, wishing I could drown this pain in alcohol until it quits hurting so fucking much.

"I did what I had that night because I couldn't stand the fact that I wasn't there for any of it. I couldn't stand the fact that you didn't seem to want me around, thought you hated me. I thought you hated me and it was why you didn't want me to know. I thought you hated me that you went through all those deaths and bullying and abuse on your own because I wasn't around. I hated me for the fact that you went through it all alone. It only made it worse that when I fell apart with the rest of the band that I had been acting like the asshole that abused you. I felt like shit, Jaekyung. I didn't think you wanted anything to do with me. I didn't want to be around when the only family I didn't even know I had, wanted nothing to do with me."

His words bring tears to my eyes, lips trembling as I cast my gaze back to my brother, finding that he's already looking at me. I find a small smile forming on my face, though it's shaky, uncertain.

"I never hated you for any of that, Tae. I pushed you day in and day out to get you out of the house as much as possible until you finally left. I did that so that you wouldn't get hurt too. It's all I've ever tried to do, is protect you from getting hurt. I never hated you, Taehyungie. I just wanted you safe. I wanted you happy. If I hated you, I wouldn't have saved you that night. You lost... so fucking much blood that night, I was afraid the blood transfusion wasn't going to be enough. I didn't think we were going to be able to save you. When you... fuck, I thought I had to get the hell out. If it was either me stay there or you, then I'd always rather it be you. I don't care what kind of hell I go through, as long as you're okay."

The tears are tumbling down his own cheeks by now, soaking them with ease. Neither of us move though, neither of us seeming more sure of all of this than the other.

"Please come back." Taehyung mumbles sadly, more tears falling at this. I frown, pursing my trembling lips as I look away once more.

"I'm not sure that's the best idea, Tae. Besides, I have my own band to be taking care of." I mutter quietly, not too certain that this is the best idea.

"Please? Yoongi hyung misses you. He said you've not been taking his calls or answering his texts. It'd be nice to actually have my sister around for once, and I think most of the others would appreciate having you around again." Tae counters, though his voice doesn't sound much more hopeful than this entire conversation has been. I let my eyes flutter shut, still not overly thrilled with this suggestion.

"It'll only cause more arguments, Tae. I can't keep up with the stupid happy persona I'd been putting on for all of you anyways. And the only person who's even seen any semblance of that side of me is Yoongi." I huff, knowing it's for the better than I'm staying away.

"I mean... I'd like to hear what happened to everyone, including you and me. I figure that kind of conversation will be enough to put any disagreement to rest. You don't have to keep up with the happy persona either. I'd rather get to know the real you, and I'm sure the others would agree to that too." Tae argues softly, and I find myself sighing as I tilt my head, begrudgingly looking over at my brother once more.

"I think you should take my word for it when I say you don't want to know the real me. You don't want to know what happened to me. That's not a pretty story and I'm nothing I'm proud of either. You guys deserve better than that." I murmur, sad smile splaying across my lips. He just frowns at my disagreement, gaze falling to the floor between us.

"You're still my sister at the end of the day though. Even if it isn't all rainbows and blue skies, I still wanna know." He whispers, and I hate the sound of heartbreak in his voice.

"Fine. Don't say I didn't warn you though."