Almos

Pain

Forty:

Dream World

"Can I ask you something?"

Jeanne asked and for some reason I felt that there is something wrong from the tone of her voice yet I ignore it and intently stares at her before I answered. "You know I can never answer any of your questions so it's good--"

"Special Spirit." She said cutting me off. "Do you know something about it? The Spirit that was chosen by Father God and was blessed by this someone I couldn't see no matter what I do."

I don't know what took me so long to answer her question, but that one question freezes me for a reason I couldn't explain. Why? I can sense this familiarity about the Spirit she just mentioned, as if there is a blur in my mind that blocks my memories. That even I wanted to know who this Special Spirit which suddenly confused my mind.

Time suddenly freezes and silence became too loud to handle until Jeanne vanished at my sight.

"Jeanne!" I called her out however I entered another realm, out of this Dream World.

...

Other Realm

"Ilmatar?!"

"Don't be surprised, this is normal."

I don't know but there is nothing normal about what she did which is why I couldn't help to have suspicious on her doings.

"Do you--"

"No more words, Angel Almos." She commanded in a tone I couldn't just ignore, she used her mighty position over me as she addressed me to who am I and I know she can clearly see my confusion. "Further questions will only hurt not only you but also hers. Which is why you just forget and ignore it, do you understand?"

"No! That isn't right, Ilmatar! There is something that lumps in here!" I said pointing to my heart. "I don't understand why I felt such pain when I heard what Jeanne told me. As if, as if..." I couldn't continue my words as my heart feels so heavy, my mind forces to go on a distance which I couldn't remember and my body feels like I am not the Angel that I used to know.

"Almos!"

"No!" I pushed her away when she was about to get closer, she flew far from me as my head suddenly aches after using my power to push Ilmatar away and before she could get up I just went back to my own realm.

*** ***

Dawn

"Almos!" I suddenly felt him as my heart squeezes so hard it make me hard to breath. The pain was too suffocating I am literally screaming in pain that my family heard and went in to my room only to find me in deep pain. As they entered, I could only see them for only quite a while before things get light.

*** ***

Past

Leebra Realm

I stared at myself for a long time in the reflection of the water flowing inside the Leebra Realm. To this day I still can't believe what I'm seeing because it's the first time I've ever had a physical appearance. More surprisingly I am in the body of a woman and it was blessed by God Elbrus. He even blessed me a name with a meaning of 'the one who gives life', I am now Aoife.

Even though the days have passed, I still can't stop myself from staring at it and I hardly ever move away from my reflection because until now I am amazed by what I see. The feeling that I have everything because of the simple blessing of a God and that I am superior to other Spirits that scares me a lot while I stare at my physical body for a long time.

The longer I stare at it, the harder for me to accept the blessing I'd got and I couldn't help but to feel pain that suffocates me. This pain, this is also my first time to feel it and I couldn't help but to let it consume me and drown me in to deep.

"Aoife!" suddenly someone grabbed my wrist and I was stunned to see God Elbrus.

"God Elbrus."

"What are you doing?" he worriedly asked.

"Looking through my reflection," I honestly answered.

"For how long?"

"I don't know... maybe for days."

"God!" he quickly takes me away from the water and put me near at the Tree of Spirit Life. "What is wrong with you?"

I look him in the eyes and said. "I'm happy and feel so highly though I'm in pain as long as I keep looking through my reflection." I honestly stated even though I feel like it isn't right to tell him my direct feelings.

And from what I can see now of God Elbrus reaction, his face shows extreme concern and remorse? Why did I read his reaction with regret? What does he regret? Me? Is blessing me what he regrets?

"No!" he suddenly answered. "I'm not regretting what I did for you."

"You've heard my mind?"

"Yes, clearly and," he hold my hands so tight I can feel the warmth coming from him. "I'll always be here to make sure you will not feel any pain. I will forever protect you from everyone who wants to use and harm you. So please, don't burden yourself in that pain, it will be best if you just accept yourself now rather than to think of it too much. Because I get hurt more when I see you hurt and struggling like that and that's what I regret so much because I didn't bless you just to get hurt."

I feel his sincerity through every word that he said although I can feel that there's something growing deep within me. An emotion I don't know if I can handle if the right time comes. Is this the consequence that Goddess Ilmatar mentioned me days ago?

I'm not so sure since this is my first time to have this kind of feelings and emotions. Because I never had one from the very beginning God created me.

*** ***

Jr.