Ice, steel and shadows -ACOMAF au

Azriel

Rhys shook his head firmly, his violet eyes lacking their usual playfulness or mischief. "I'm sorry Az, but I can't let that happen." He murmured. I clenched my fists- I was not asking for permission. "The thing is, Rhys" I calmly said, morphing my face into impassiveness "I don't give a fuck."

Rhys sighed, passing his fingers through his hair. "It's too risky Az. If anyone sees you- it's enough to start a war." I cocked my head to the side- deep down, I knew Rhys was right, but I wasn't feeling most rational as I spoke. "Well, Rhys, not everyone has the luxury of a mind connection."

Rhys nearly flinched as if I had delivered him a physical blow. His eyes darkened- "Don't mention her. You don't get to. And if you think being able to peak into Amelia's mind would do you any good, you're a fool. Do you know how much it tears me apart knowing what Lilith's going through, and not being able to fly to her and get her? Because it'd start a goddamn war Az! And fuck a war- I don't care about that, but I do care about your safety. And nothing could make me endanger that!"

I gritted my teeth again- if I kept it up, I'd break them. "Nobody's going to know I was there! The Winter Solstice is their biggest celebration- it'll be so busy that-" "They're on their guard idiot! After what we did to them, I won't be surprised if they never let it down again!" I realised both Rhysand and I were shouting- it was more like Cassian to be defiant right in Rhys' face.

I tended to be the rational one- tended. Once upon a time. Before Rhys made decisions that ruined us. That ruined me. "I'm the spymaster for a reason Rhys! Nobody will know!" Rhys rubbed his temples- he looked ragged, still pale despite it being three months since Under the Mountain.

"And how do I know you won't be tempted to talk to her and blow everything up?" "I won't." I quickly promised. "I wouldn't do that, I know it'd give everything away. I'm not stupid." A half-truth. I wanted to talk to her more than anything, damn consequences, but I couldn't face her. Not after everything I'd put her through.

Rhys and I knew each other since we were practically children. I knew him and he knew me almost as well as we knew the back of our hands. "There's really no changing your mind, is there Az? What if we sent spies? That even if discovered , couldn't be tracked back to us? They could report everything-" I shook my head. I needed to see her.

"I want to see for myself. It's not a request Rhys. High Lord and all that- it's a declaration. Do whatever you want with that." I had never before questioned Rhys' decisions- because I knew, and I still do, that whatever he does, he does for us, even if it's stupid, self-sacrificing, painful. And that's why I've never held anything he's done against him- not even when it broke me to pieces.

But this once, he could be the motherfucking king of Prythian, and I still would do what I wanted. Because I needed to- I needed to make sure she was ok. Or at least still fighting.

"You do realise you'll have to go alone, right? It'll be the most dangerous-" I nodded, flexing my fingers. "I wouldn't want it any other way." Rhys sighed deeply, looking even more tired than he was at the beginning of the conversation.

"How will you transport?" "Fly and blend in with the crowd." I easily answered- I had really thought of everything. "Mask your most prominent characteristics. I'll glamour you- don't use the shadows. They're also characteristic." I nodded my agreement.

"We don't have long till nighttime. In and out, alright? If you're too late, I'll send people and I don't care if that starts a war." I nodded- despite my bitterness, I would always be thankful for Rhys and all he's done to protect me and our family. "Rhys?" I said, as he turned to leave. "Yes?" "Thanks, brother."

He gave me a tired smile and left.

I pushed my hair back- I was going to see her, fuck me.

...