Ice, steel and shadows -ACOMAF au

Lilith

"Do I have to go to breakfast?" I grumbled to Alis, as she braided my hair. She gave me a knowing smile- breakfast was the one meal Tamlin had set mandatory. We all had to show up and act civilised as if we didn't wish to rip each other's throats out: Amelia would've found it absolutely hilarious.

I, on the other hand, didn't. "I can call in sick." I said, my eyes gleaming in excitement- but Alis had to shut down my brilliant idea. "I can't lie to Tamlin for you, Lilith. Forget it." I pouted- I knew I was being childish, but realistically, I was a child compared to everyone else in that mansion.

"Why not?" Alis bit the inside of her cheek, trying not to laugh but failing miserably. "He's still my High Lord who offers me shelter and protection. I cannot disobey him." I sighed- Tamlin was such a bastard. "Fine. But do I also have to wear a dress?" I very nearly whimpered, looking at myself in the mirror.

I was forced into a long, tight light pink dress, with flowers engraved on it, which was not only extremely impractical, but also not very flattering. "Her Highness's Ianthe's pick." Alis pursed her lips. I cursed under my breath.

I knew I looked horrid already- my cheekbones were too sharp, my skin was too pale, my eyes looked empty, my hair was thin- did I have to push it with that atrocity as well? But who was I kidding? That was probably the exact reason why Ianthe had selected it.

Too tired to fight it, I got up, bid Alis a half-hearted good morning and descended the staircase to the dining room. I was a few minutes late, which meant everybody were already seated and staring at me. "Oh I'm starving! When will the human finally- oh. You're here." Ianthe said, lifting her little perfectly upturned noise. Tamlin sent me a warning look to bite my tongue- which I ignored.

"Oh fuck off already Ianthe. But with somebody that wants to fuck you." I looked at Lucien in a meaningful way, making both him and my sister choke on their bites. Ianthe's warm blue eyes became frozen as she stared down at me. "Tamlin, I cannot have a human speaking to me like that. In that animalistic way of theirs."

I clenched my fists, ready to show Ianthe my animalistic side, but Feyre got to it first. "Listen to me Ianthe. If I remember correctly, had I not been killed and resurrected, I would also be very much human. So, beware of the way you speak of my species. And mainly, beware of the way you speak to my sister. Because I don't care about the power you possess or your holy position- the moment someone messes with my family, to me, they're dead- or close to that, anyways."

Everyone at the table, including myself, were gaping at Feyre, who was calmly sipping her juice. "Lilith, please sit. Would you like some porridge?" She calmly continued, as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Breaking out of my surprise, I gave her a wide grin, and took the seat opposite to Ianthe triumphantly. "Yes please."

"Go Feyre." Lucien said, his face so serious that both I and Feyre couldn't contain our laughter. "I have had enough of being offended in this house!" Ianthe said, dropping her fork and getting up, making her dramatic exit.

Tamlin sighed deeply, hiding his face in his hands. Lucien merely shrugged, and continued eating. Feyre was staring intently at her soon-to-be husband- a test. Which he probably failed, as he stood up and followed the High Priestess outside. "This is terribly awkward." Lucien murmured, scratching his chin. "That's an understatement." Feyre bit out, letting go of her fork. Lucien shrugged again, impassive.

"This is bullshit." I murmured, letting go of my fork as well- I wasn't hungry anymore. "I need to get out of here. Now." Feyre said, standing up- she was also wearing an awful orange dress. I grinned. "Not yet. We need a tunic and pants first." Lucien also stood up, sighing.

"I can't let you do that. Tamlin-" "Tamlin" Feyre said, her fists clenched by her sides, "isn't here right now. So, Lucien, fancy trying to stop me?" She took a step forward, and despite being shorter than the red-haired Faerie, she gave me the impression she was staring down at him. "You heard her." I smugly said, crossing my arms in front of my chest. It was about time someone rebelled in that goddamn court.

Lucien sighed again, his hands clenching and unclenching by his sides. "Fine. We'll go riding, the three of us. But you are not to go out of my sight- and if Tamlin asks, you kidnapped me." I grinned in satisfaction, nodding. "Give us five minutes." I grabbed my sister's hand and dragged her up the stairs before Lucien changed his mind.

It was no small thing for him to show such defiance against Tamlin, but he, as well as we, needed a distraction. Lucien was good at hiding it, but he was in as much pain as the rest of us- he hadn't had an easy life, and Amelia's betrayal still stung.

"Lilith." Feyre said quietly as I dragged her in my room. "Hm?" I answered, not turning to look at her as I dug through my closet to find something practical for us to wear. "Do you think I'm making a mistake?" My sister's voice sounded close to tears, and I froze.

She couldn't be hesitating...could she? "What do you mean Feyre?" I softly asked, turning around. My sister was standing by the door, her arms wrapped around her middle, her face pale. "The wedding." She whispered, as if too embarrassed to say it louder. "Do you not...are you having second thoughts?" I asked, choosing my words carefully.

"It's just that-" Feyre's voice broke, tears running down her cheeks. "It's just that, Lilith, I don't know if I can be what Tamlin needs me to be. I love him and our home here more than anything, but I can't be this doll- not for him, not for anybody." My soul ached- I hadn't realised, hadn't let myself realise-

"You're not happy, Feyre, are you?" "I don't know, Lilith." She softly sobbed, and I crossed the room in two strides, wrapping my arms around her. She melted on my chest, as I tightly held on. All those months, I'd stayed in the Spring Court for Feyre- but if she wasn't happy either, what the fuck were we doing there?

"Do you want to cancel on Lucien?" I softly asked stroking her hair- Feyre nearly choked on a sob. "Mother, no. Let's please go. Found a tunic and pants?" "Yes." I murmured, leaving a final kiss on her forehead, before pulling out two pairs of pants and two tunics.

I turned around, giving my sister privacy as we both changed into something more comfortable, and returned downstairs. Lucien was waiting for us, leaning against the doorway. "And just as I was thinking you wouldn't show up." Feyre smiled with teary eyes. "Don't get too hopeful Lu." "Do not call me that." Lucien grumbled, but I smiled a bit as well as he drew Feyre to his side, keeping an arm wrapped around her shoulders.

"Don't ever threaten me again newbie." He said, and Feyre softly laughed. I walked at a small distance behind them, a smile on my lips. Because no matter what, or where we were, Feyre would always have me and I would always have Feyre.

...

I was too quick to speak. Not only our riding with Lucien hadn't been beneficial, but it had been horrid. We passed by villages and people ran from us like we were a threat- Lucien explained Feyre and I were a reminder for all they'd been through. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs- we had been the very thing that rescued them.

I had.

Then, Lucien made sure to tell us about how right Tamlin was- about how everything was wrong, and we all needed to take a step back, and let him handle everything.

Bull-shit.

Lucien was hurt- he thought the only real friend he had left was Tamlin, but that didn't mean his word was law.

His word was more likely bull-shit, but I refrained from saying that.

But the worst out of it all was how Feyre was convinced- she was convinced all she and Tamlin needed was time and peace, and everything would be alright again.

I was screaming in my head- so loudly that I thought it would shatter from inside.

Nothing was right and time couldn't fix anything- I was tangled in a web of power and lies and helplessness. And I was merely the human- even if I had been the one to save everyone, nobody gave me a second glance.

Nobody listened to me.

I was lost, I was stuck.

And I needed to get far away from the Spring Court.