Ice, steel and shadows -ACOMAF au

Lilith

I considered skipping dinner- but decided against it, as it'd only piss off Tamlin more, and I didn't want to leave my sister to face his wrath alone.

So I wore a simple, airy dress- so contrasting to Ianthe's monstrous, attention-seeking choices- and descended the staircase leading to the dining room.

Everybody was already seated, and silently eating- or, more accurately, just gazing at their plates. "Well, hi." I said, taking a seat- the tension in the room was unmistakable.

I felt really hungry as the delicious smell of the food in front of me hit my nostrils but wasn't sure it was appropriate for me to eat, as no one else was-

Don't be stupid, eat your damn food.

I nearly flinched as Rhysand's voice echoed in my head- I needed to get it under control.

I quickly snapped my shields back up, shutting the High Lord of the Night Court out- but I did hesitantly fill my plate and began eating.

"Delicious, isn't it?" Tamlin asked, his green eyes piercing me. "It...is?" I said, raising an eyebrow. Tamlin and I very rarely got involved in conversation, and if this was him trying to make small talk, he sucked at it. "And do you realise" he asked, his voice raising "how this food ends up in your plate?" "It's prepared in the kitchens?" I said- I still didn't get where he was going with it.

"And do you know who pays for the materials and the staff and everything else as a matter of fact? For the house, and for the water, and for the clothes you all wear?!" Tamlin said, slamming his hands on the table. I flinched- Mother, Under the Mountain had really done a damage on me.

"You do." I replied, as calmly as I could. "Exactly! And do you ever wonder how I pay?" "Because you're crazy rich." I replied, and hated myself for using Rhysand's words. "I wasn't born rich!" Tamlin argued, his face having grown scarlett. "Yes, you were. Wasn't your father High Lord before you?" I asked, genuinely not meaning to further piss him off. He snarled in response. "Do not speak of him!"

"Tamlin-" Feyre tried to reason, her face pale as snow, but Tamlin silenced her, his eyes blazing anger. "No, Feyre! Because we all have been welcoming and kind to your sister- I've shared everything I owe with you, a mere human, and this is how you repay me?! First, you make a bargain with my mortal enemy, then you're the reason Feyre is taken away from me by him on our wedding day, and now you dare disobey me!" Tamlin was staring down at me as if I was filth on his shoes, Feyre was utterly still, her lips slightly parted, and Lucien- Lucien was silent, staring at his plate.

I stifled my tears- I wouldn't give them the satisfaction. "If I'm not welcome here anymore, perhaps I should go." I said, keeping my voice from trembling. "Perhaps you should." Tamlin seethed- it was all I needed to hear.

I got up, and left, keeping my steps slow and my chin held high until I was out of sight. I was being kicked out- Tamlin hadn't outright said it, but I wasn't stupid. And I wasn't going to stay- not for a moment longer. My eyes blurred from tears, I started throwing stuff into my suitcase. And then emptied it again- I wanted nothing of his, I wanted to owe him nothing.

I slid down on the floor, trying to calm my breathing- I didn't have a horse, I didn't have anything. My only choice was to return back to the human realm- on foot and alone. Amarantha's beasts weren't roaming around freely anymore, but the woods weren't safe- definitely not for a human.

The door opened and I stared up at Feyre- she took one look at my crying form and fell to her knees, tightly wrapping her arms around me. "Shh" she whispered as I sobbed in her arms. "I want to go home, Feyre." I begged, trembling: only that I didn't know where home was.

"I know, don't worry. I'll send you back tomorrow." "No!" I quickly choked. I needed to get out that instant- if I had to stand one more moment in that pretty house, with the pretty people, and the pretty dresses I'd rip off my ugly skin and break my ugly bones and-

"Ok. I'll send you home now." Feyre fiercely promised. "It's ok." She kept saying, caressing my hair and back, till my tears finally dried and I felt emptiness settle in my chest. "Come on." She quietly said. Feyre didn't try changing my mind about leaving- she knew she wouldn't achieve it.

She filled a suitcase with clothes and other stuff- I tried protesting, but she wouldn't hear it, saying what was Tamlin's was hers too, and she was the one giving it to me. Then, she took me at the stables- it appeared she had taken care of everything. A carriage was boarded and at the ready, with three sentries in it.

I took a look at my sister- I wanted to beg her, beg her with everything I had in me to come with me, but I knew it was a decision only she could make, and so I wrapped my arms around her tightly. I didn't say goodbye- neither of us liked them.

"Be safe, ok?" Feyre softly said. "And, if you ever want to come back, don't think twice-" I sadly shook my head. I didn't tell her I would never be setting foot in the Spring Court again, but we both knew it. I gave my sister one last, hard smile, and then turned and entered the carriage.

I laid my head against the cold window as we began and didn't glance back.

I didn't want to see the green gardens and the blossom trees ever again.

...

I slept during the way home- Mother knew I needed it. The sentries woke me up when we reached my house- house, not home.

It wasn't even the hut I had lived in my teenage years- it was a palace, or what could be considered on in the mortal lands. I hadn't let Nesta and Elaine known I would be coming and it was the middle of the night but I was too tired to care.

I sent the sentries away, refusing their help and rang the doorbell- I felt so, so tired. Truly exhausted. A while passed, before the door opened to reveal Nesta and Elaine standing side by side. Elaine had a doe-like look in her eyes while Nesta was in her usual offensive stance. "Lilith? You scared us!" Elaine, always the trusting one gasped, and squeezed me into a hug. She felt warm and smelled like flowers- I allowed myself to inhale her.

Nesta coldly gazed at me- I expected nothing more from her. "What are you doing here in the middle of the night?" She asked and I took a step away from Elaine, taking a deep breath. "I'm back. For good, I think."

A look of surprise passed from Nesta's eyes, while Elaine happily squealed, squeezing me into another hug. "That's lovely!" "You should've told us." Nesta said, shooting me a harsh look. I sighed. "I would, had I known." "So what, you just woke up in the middle of the night and decided to come?" Nesta continued her interrogation- she still hadn't let me in. And I hardly blamed her- she couldn't trust anyone, not even me.

After what I'd seen and gone through, I understood Nesta's attitude against the world perfectly. Elaine softly sighed. "Nesta, please." Nesta shot our sister a silencing look- I couldn't let them argue because of me. They needed each other. "I'm not staying here, Elaine." I softly said, looking at my sister affectionately. Elaine nervously chuckled. "What do you mean?" "I mean what I said. I can't stay here. Not yet. There are some things...I need to take care of." A half truth.

But there was indeed a war- or was going to be one soon, anyways. And if I could be useful in any way, keep my loved ones safe- I knew where I had to go.

Violet eyes that glinted mischievously and dark castles were calling out for me.

"But- but you've been gone for so long. And Feyre-" Elaine and Nesta didn't know what Feyre had become- we'd strategically kept it from them. "I'll still visit." Once again, a half-lie. I wasn't sure if I'd even make it out of this alive. "And Feyre will also visit, as soon as she can." My lies were becoming a fat, tall stack, and Nesta seemed to know, judging from the way she was looking at me.

"Be careful, sister." She seethed. "You promised me something." I had promised her not to die- at least someone still cared. "I know." I softly said- another lie. I hugged Elaine tightly, and gave Nesta a calm nod. I waited for them to close their home's door in my face and possibly go back to bed.

And then, as I stood alone in the darkness, I lowered my shields and called out one name.

Rhysand.