Healing Hearts: A Second Chance, Small Town Romance Novel

Chapter 15

Sage

I can hardly breathe and my heart is banging so hard against my chest. All my emotions are raging to the fore. It feels like my heart is breaking all over again. How can this be when I moved on? I made a new life, I was with someone else for almost a decade for Christ's sake. His voice carries towards me as I stand with my hand on the door. Not knowing whether to wait for his set to end and to see him. I can't stand feeling like this.

What's the point in any case? I don't want to stay here? I want another job in a State hospital, it's what I trained for, what I worked so hard for and studied all those years for. Not to end up in some small-town practice. There aren't any jobs anyway, not that I know of.

I can hear the last words of the song, that song the one we wrote together. He had been strumming his guitar, we were so young. A different life, just seventeen and I was reading on his bed. I should have been doing my homework but when Logan played his guitar everything else would be forgotten. I'd listened as he began to put words to the music, his eyes on me not on his fingers strumming the chords. On me as always, only ever on me.

Like then, they're tugging at my heart. Part of me wants to run straight up on stage and the other half wants to slap myself for being so ridiculous. I'm angry that I feel this way. I have no right to feel like this. I ended it all those years ago and he cut my heart apart by choosing Willowbrook instead of me.

I let go of the door handle even though I can hear the pain and the longing in his voice. Surely he can't want to be reaching out to me. Can he? Why would he? By the village grapevine aka my mother, he never wanted to see me again. Another reason why whenever I've visited home to see my folks and Ali, I've tended not to venture too far. I'd heard Logan had stayed up on the cabin and only came down to the practice.

So, yes on purpose I have avoided him over the last ten Christmas holidays, Thanksgiving celebrations, coming home for birthdays. Tonight was the first time in all those years of visiting, that I have ever set foot in the Lazy Duke and that was only to keep Ali happy. It would seem she's content by the close proximity she has with the Marshal.

I get my breathing under control and begin to walk further and further away from Logan's voice and pick up speed until I realize I'm actually running. Running as fast as I can away from him. This is pathetic, I'm a grown woman who's experienced life, been round the block a few times not a teenager running away from some guy she kissed and is embarrassed to look in the eye again.

Finally, I stop running. I'm at the park where he and I used to hang. Not a play park with children's swings but a green park. Tall lush trees, the greenest grass you've ever seen and a monument to lives lost. Here we'd sit in the early days and just talk, kiss and cuddle before things became more serious and we moved on covering all the bases. I don't want to think about that right now. I want to understand why I'm so damn conflicted inside and raw with emotion.

Perhaps it's because I've been ditched by Miles for his fellowship. This is how it must have been for Logan all those years ago when I chose my medical profession over a life here with him. Marriage, children, the whole nine yards with the white picket fence. I realize I've been crying and wipe the tears from my eyes as I lower myself to the ground and bring my knees up to my chest and fold my arms around them. I lower my head to rest my forehead on my knees and inhale and exhale deeply. There's no one else around, it's late and dark. It doesn't enter my mind why they still haven't put lighting in the park. It doesn't enter my mind that even though it's been a warm day it's now much cooler and all I am wearing is a short, very tight dress and that my heels are not really made for running.

I just sit there quietly. My phone vibrates. I ignore it. It vibrates persistently. Reaching inside my small bag I can see a missed call from Ali and two voice messages. The instinct to call her back is zero, I'm not feeling talking with anyone right now. But I do read her message.

Hey where did you go? I looked up and couldn't see you. Someone said they saw you run out of the bar. What happened? And answer my calls. I don't know if I should wait for you or head off home alone later.

There's no way I want Ali to walk home on her own, even though Willowbrook is a perfectly safe place, you never know if some weirdo is lurking around.

I couldn't listen to Logan singing our song. Don't walk home alone. See if the Marshal can walk you back. I'm at the park and will make my way back shortly. I just needed to get some air and catch my breath.

I wait for her to reply.

Okay, if you're sure. Be careful xx

I send two kisses back to Ali. There isn't anything I can do about my emotions right now only time is going to figure this out, or a new job in a different State or in the heart of Virginia. It'll take me away from Willowbrook and all the memories. They're too much for me. Being home here is too much for me to take. I knew it wasn't going to be easy but damn it, did Logan have to play those songs? Why couldn't he just have played some new material, it's not like he hasn't got a whole back catalogue of material that doesn't concern me. What the fuck was he playing at? The anger at him burbles up inside my chest. I'm starting to feel it's getting cooler and I know I really shouldn't be out this late on my own.

Standing up I get the distinct impression someone is approaching me. It's a hunch and it makes my skin have goose bumps. A shiver goes up and down my spine. I've braced myself. What am I going to do if there is an attacker? Only scream. Although, I suppose I could take off my four inch stiletto shoes and use them to stab an attacker in the eye.

"Hi." I hear a low and deep voice say. "I thought I'd find you here." I know that voice. I know it so well.