You're Supposed to Hate Me

Chapter 2

PUBLISHING ANOTHER ONE CZ IK Y'ALL DON'T WANNA WAIT 2 DAYS JST FOR THE SECOND PART 😊(ur gonna have to wait 2 days for all the other ones 😊😊)
Travis

(ABUSE!!)

My father is the definition of the devil in disguise. Nobody can, and nobody will ever tell me otherwise. There is no good in him. Sometimes I think he's going to beat me to death. Other times, I wish he did.

My ears were ringing and the room felt like it was spinning, because he punched me directly in the eye, again. I was on the ground, holding the side of my face. I could feel blood dripping onto my fingers, that metallic smell filling my nostrils.

He was screaming at me for something, but my ears were still ringing so I couldn't hear a goddamn word he said. So he hit me again.

"Fucking listen to me, damnit!!" He booms, his hand fisting my hair, yanking me up by my hair to stand up. Sometimes, I want to just shave my hair.

He screams at me for things that in any other normal family I wouldn't get yelled at for. He punched me in the gut, making me fall to the ground again.

There's that look again.

"Fucking pathetic." He sneers, glaring down at me before stomping up the stairs and slamming his bedroom door.

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding in. Which was probably because it hurt like hell to breath.

Once I know he isn't coming back out for a while I bite down on my bottom lip, a tear trickling down my cheek.

Boys don't cry. But here I am. Crying.

I lean my back against the wall, bracing myself against the wall to slowly slide up it until I am back on my feet. My stomach is in pain, my head hurts, my eye hurts, and I could taste blood seeping through my lips.

I was holding my stomach with one arm, my other against the wall as I slowly and painfully pull myself up the stairs and into my room, shutting the door as silently as I possibly could.

(end of abuse)

I'm usually glad that my mother was able to get away from here for good, but sometimes I wonder what it'd be like if she was still here.

Would it be better for me? Would I actually have food at the table? Would she love me or would she treat me like how he does?

Would... Would... What would she look like? What... What did she look like?

Was my brain failing? I rub my temples, and I start thinking of random math questions and answering them in my head. No, my brain is still functioning. Then why, why can't I remember my mother's face anymore?

My heart starts pounding as I close my eyes tightly, trying to remember her face, what she smelled like, how her hair was styled, what her smile looked like... But I came up with nothing.

I was forgetting my own mother.

I stand up from the floor, rushing over to my desk. I yank a drawer open, the drawer I could've sworn had a picture of her and me in it. Nothing was there.

He must've gotten rid of it.

But one memory keeps flooding through my mind when I try to think of her. But even in that memory, I can't even see her face.

The same memory keeps flooding through, like a dam came crashing down in my mind and the water flooded through it, not stopping or even slowing down.

"So, would you like to go get pizza for dinner?" She chirps, a big smile... I think?... On her face. She was holding my hand, swinging our conjoined hands as we walk to the elementary school.

"You could invite your friends, Larry and Phillip." She looks down at me, waiting for my response.

"Yeah!! I'll ask them right when I see them!" I beam, a huge grin on my face as I stare up at her.

"I love you." She says, but it was more of a whisper, almost getting lost in the morning breeze.

We stop in front of the school, and I was still staring up at her. Something was wrong. My mommy was hurting and I didn't know why. I'm supposed to protect her. "Mommy! Don't be sad!! We're going to eat a big pizza and have lots of fun!" I smile wide, trying to cheer her up.

But...

But, we never got pizza. We never had fun. We never laughed or smiled or ate big pizza. No, that never happened.

She lied. She lied and I hate her for it. I hate that I miss her. I hate that she made my life hell. I hate that she left me with him because she was selfish and only thought about freeing herself from this fucking nightmare.

I've never had pizza. Our school serves it every Friday, but I can't bring myself to eat it. She promised me pizza. Pizza with Larry and Phillip. My... Best friends.

Phillip and his family took me out to a pizzeria once, but I couldn't even touch it. Just looking at it made my skin all sweaty and cold, like it was wrong to even be there.

Tears were streaming down my face as if the water from the dam went from my mind then out my eyes, too many emotions flooding through me at the thought of her.

I don't know if I hate her, if I miss her, if I- If I what? Love her? No. I don't even know what love is. Nobody ever taught me it.

Because she didn't love me enough to stay and protect me, and because my father doesn't even pretend to love me. In public he only pretends to like me. To tolerate me.

Love is a strange word. Unfamiliar in my mind or tongue. I only said 'I love you' to my mother but, I don't even remember if I truly loved her. Or if I even knew what it truly meant. I think I only said it because she said it. Because I felt like it would upset her if I didn't say it back, that she would be disappointed in me if I didn't say it back. So I always did. But now, I don't even think about those three words.

They disgust me.