You're Supposed to Hate Me

Chapter 12

Sal

I shouldn't feel the way I do for Travis Phelps. I shouldn't feel all flustered and hot and bothered over Travis Phelps. I shouldn't like the feeling of his hand touching me before he shoves me. I shouldn't like the feeling of his eyes on me.

But the more he does all of it, the more I want him. The more I'm drawn to him. I'm starting to crave him, to crave his touch.

But I know it will never happen. It will never happen because he's a guy, and he believes that being gay is a sin, he believes he'll go to hell for dating the same sex.

But I can't help but still wish that I have a chance with Travis. I can't help when my stomach feels all tight and full of butterflies.

Maybe if he didn't touch me like he did that night of the party, then maybe, maybe I wouldn't have a crush on him. But, I can't blame him. He was the one who was intoxicated.

I stab my fork into the gross-looking food on my tray, my eye wandering across the lunch room, where he sat.

Maybe it will always be like this. Maybe I'll just stare at him from a distance, wishing that he could be mine, wishing that he didn't believe so heavily that being gay was a sin. If I was a girl, would I have a chance? Or would it have the same ending as this one?

I could feel someone else staring at me, but I didn't look away from Travis until he looked up, our eyes meeting, just for a moment.

I have never been so glad that I have a prosthetic until now. I could feel the heat on my cheeks rise, a small smile tugging on the corners of my lips.

I seriously have a problem.

~~~

I was on the couch with Gizmo on my lap, doing my homework when I hear a few knocks on the door before it opens, Ash walking in.

I know that Terrance gave everyone (Todd, Neil, Larry, Ash) spare cards to the basement, and spare keys to my apartment, but I always forget that they have them.

"Tell me something, Sal." She had a grin on her face as she plops down onto the chair next to me, batting her eyelashes.

"What?" I set down my homework on the coffee table, looking at her with a clear confused look on my face.

"Do you have a crush?" She wiggles her brows, her grin turning into a smile.

I seriously hate how well her and Larry know me.

I also hate that I took my prosthetic off, because I could feel my cheeks getting warm. "I don't know." I look away, avoiding eye contact.

Ash gets up, walking over to the couch and sitting down next to me, reaching out and petting Gizmo. "Don't lie to me, I know you do!!"

"Okay... Yeah, I do."

Ash squeals, waking Gizmo up, causing him to leap off my lap, making me grunt. "How did you know?"

"Is it Travis?"

My eyes widen and I turn to look at her. "I uh- I- No! Of course not!" I stammer out, my hand running through my hair. I do that a lot when I'm nervous or stressed.

"I saw you staring over in that direction during lunch. Not to mention... You've been very out of it lately." Her whole face suddenly brightens like she suddenly remembered something, "You also have been adding a lot of purple into your art lately!"

I cover my face with my hand, shaking my head. "What if I just like the color purple?"

"Your favorite color is pink, because it was your mom's favorite."

Again, I seriously hate how well they know me.

"Okay, fine! I have a small crush on Travis. So what?!"

Ash squeals again, wrapping her arm around my shoulder. "I support you. Not the best taste... But, I'm not going to tell you to stop liking him or anything." She smiles softly, and I couldn't help but smile back.

"Thank you, that means a lot, Ash." I didn't know it would feel so good to tell someone about me liking Travis. It felt like a giant weight was taken off my chest.

I know who she was talking about when she said she wouldn't tell me to stop liking Travis... She was talking about Larry, because he totally would say that.

That's why I haven't told Larry who I like.

"Your secret is safe with me! Now... You have any food?" She stands up, walking towards the kitchen.