You're Supposed to Hate Me

Chapter 6

Travis

We finally finish the stupid project which meant I was free from working with a freak.

I was glad the project was only two days long, because he was annoying to work with. Yet, then again, everyone is annoying to work with. Maybe, except Phillip. He's only sometimes annoying.

Like right now. He's being extremely annoying right now. "Have you ever thought about actually being friends with Sal?"

I shoot him a look, and he was grinning at me. "I fucking hate you sometimes, you know?" I sneer.

Phillip pats me on the shoulder as he takes a bite out of the pizza we had for lunch today since it was Friday. "I love you too, buddy."

"I hope you die single." I cross my arms, but I look away from him as I feel someone glance at me from across the room.

"See! You're even looking at him!" Phillip shoves me, and I shoot him another look.

"He looked first." I look away from the table Sal sits at, my eyes landing on my hands in my lap.

"You'll become friends eventually... Maybe even some enemies to lovers going on..."

I shove him, and he barks out a laugh, his head falling back as he laughs. He always laughed extremely loud when we talked about Sal or his friends, to make them purposely look over here.

"I'm going to murder you in your sleep." I shake my head, covering my face with my hands as I feel people stare at us - well, Phillip, mostly.

~~~

I always hate Fridays. Everyone loves them, but I hate them. Because that means I have to spend two whole days pent up in this house, with the devil.

Sometimes, it also means he brings home some random whore, which also means she tries to have sex with me, too.

This is something I haven't even told Phillip, because it's just disgusting.

I have a love hate relationship with my bedroom. It keeps me safe... But it also doesn't. 

Fortunately, the few times a woman left my father's room to sneak into my room, he noticed she was gone and went to look for her, kicking her out if he found her in my room. 

But of course, he isn't that nice. After he made her leave, he would beat me because I "was trying to sleep with her". 

When I step into the house, I instantly knew that some woman was over. There was a faint smell of cheap perfume still lingering, and there were heels next to the door.

I just hope it doesn't turn into another... Incident.

I silently walk up the stairs and into my room, shutting the door quietly. I sit down against the edge of my bed, leaning my head back as it hits the mattress.

Times like this I wish I had a phone so that I could at least have some sort of distraction.

But, I have homework at least. So, I unzip my bag, pulling out a folder that I always shove homework into.

I dig into my bag until my fingers grab a pencil, and I pull it out as I flip open the folder, grabbing the first sheet of paper I see.

It was stupid algebra homework.

~~~

At first, I was scared of what type of woman was over, but now I wish that woman was still here. She was actually nice compared to any other woman he's ever brought home.

She insisted on making food for us after she found out that my father had a son.

So, he finally let her cook something, and she was happy to do so. It disgusted me that the whole time he kept looking over her body, because she was only wearing a shirt of his and her panties. It also disgusted me that she looked like late 20s or early 30s, and he's in his late 40s.

Everything about it was wrong, but at least for once I had a decent meal. Usually, I only eat once a day- and that's only speaking for the weekdays, not weekend.

So, I was grateful that she made food, and I made sure she knew I was grateful, but not too much that she got weirded out.

But now I was being beat because I "kept looking at her ass", even though I never even glanced down at her.

He just wanted an excuse to beat me, when in reality he could just hit me whenever he desired because he doesn't have to owe me a reason. I'm surprised he even bothers to give me a reason anymore.

"You fucking disgust me." He snarls, his hand reaching out as he grabs a fistful of my hair, forcing me to look up at him.

I wanted to say something snarky in return, but I decided against it. I knew better. I know that's what he wants me to do, but I won't.

"Go to your room, you are a fucking disgrace." He shoves me to the floor, glaring down at me as he waits for me to start moving.

I stand up and silently walk up the stairs and into my room. That's all I am. A disgrace, a mistake.

That's all I'll ever be.

Those words ring in my ears as I walk over to my desk. Everything felt like it was moving in slow motion.

My heart pounds in my ears, almost making the words inaudible, but it wasn't enough. The words were still in my ears, screaming at me.

A disgrace.

A mistake.

That's all you'll ever be, Travis.

(SELF HARM!!! SKIP IF NEEDED!!!)

A razor blade was already between my pointer finger and thumb, pressed against my wrist on my other arm.

I hate myself. I hate who I am. I hate who I'll become.

The blade glides across my wrist, a familiar, calming feeling ricocheting throughout my body.

The words slowly quiet down to a whisper before it all goes silent. The pounding of my heart, the words, my breathing, it's all just silent.

Sometimes, I want to silence myself forever. I want to make it all stop.