Jace

Chapter 14

Jace's POV

I rushed right into my room as I closed the door behind me, my chest felt like it was going to get fractured from how much it was constricting.

I couldn't breathe, no I couldn't see properly
Tears were blinding my vision, my breaths were coming out in short gasps

I felt weak, I felt pathetic.
I was angry, sad and mad all at the same time
And all it took was just one sentence to ruin my evening, and it had to go and come from her.

I had been willing myself all week not to avoid her, and not to see her as Raine but all that effort gone down the drain.

Where did she hear that line from?
Why did she have to say it when I was in her room

That was Raine and I line, that used to be our thing to say to each other.
Memories flooded my brain
Memories of all the time we'd both said it to each other.

The first time she had us say it and the last time I heard her say it in the hospital
I didn't know I had gone into the bathroom until I felt the cold water from the showers hit my skin

I couldn't even bring myself to repeat the line, even in my head it felt painful thinking about it.
It was our thing, ours.

So why did Tess just say it?
And why the fuck did she sound like Raine
It's bad that she had to look like her, but sounding like her made it ten times worse.

I don't know for how long I stood under the shower, but I could feel my skin getting wrinkly and my hands freezing due to the cold water.

My breathing was stable now, I could come out of the shower.
I wouldn't be having a panic attack, which I was grateful for because I couldn't handle it on my own.

I started having them after Raine died, the first few months of her death was torture, extreme excruciating pain that I had to go through.

It took the help of Ryan, Mel, Gladys and a few visits to the hospital before I was able to contain any slight chance of me having PTSD, but that didn't mean I didn't get panic attacks every now and then

I stepped out of the shower and walked back into the room, water was dripping from every part of my naked body as I walked into the closet and picked out a clean sweatpant and top

I put them on not bothering to dry my body because I didn't care, the shirt clung to my skin due to the water still on it.

I walk towards the bed and gently lay on it letting my mind drift deeper into thoughts, thoughts of what might have been if Raine was still alive, or if I'd met Tess under different circumstances.

_____________________________________

"Mom's been on my neck asking why you haven't come visit well since the last time you came" Ryan muttered his focus shifting from the game to my face and back.

I just shrugged "I've been busy I guess, I'll have to call her and let her know" I murmured, trying to keep my focus on the game and not the guilt eating me up.

Ryan was right, it's been a while I've seen Mel, I think ever since the wedding, I've not seen her.
I've basically buried myself in work

The door to the living room opened and I saw Ryan stretch his neck towards the door trying to see who it was, we heard the clicking sound of heels before Tessa's face came into view.

She was putting on one of those knee length, fitted gowns, Raine always loved them.
Her hair was let down and the edges had small curves to them as the edges