Writing with a Purpose: Summer Edition

16. 6/17/15

Well my "new day" starts off with me feeling particularly heated because of my father.

Yesterday and the day before, I've been upset. Literally two days straight, going on day 3. It all started off with my dad threatening to split my pay with my little sister just cause she wakes up earlier than me????? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THAT?! Like that little girl doesn't do shit in this house. She complains even when I send her to do her own chores and you're gonna threaten my money just cause she's a fucking early riser and I'm not. Don't fuck with my money over some bullshit, ya know ? I'm not a damn nanny that has to be up at a certain time and needs to set an alarm just to be up and going with a smile on my face. No, I'm your kid. A teenage kid that wants to sleep in just like any other teenage kid. When school starts, I'm not gonna have this damn privilege. I will have to be up before ANYONE even gets up for work, so yes, I want to enjoy my two-month break and ability to sleep in.

Then what also infuriated me was my mother calling me a dumbass while yelling at me over the phone when I tried to explain how my dad trying to split the money was stupid. First of all, when I was talking to her, I didn't even give her attitude. I just wanted to tell her what I thought and for no reason she started yelling at me and then called me a dumbass during it. My mother rarely ever says any curse words towards me, maybe uses them in a sentence, but no curse words are directed exactly to me. At that point, I was literally ignoring her. She kept running her mouth and I just let her talk and "okay-ed" her from time to time so she could shut the hell up. Seriously don't call me a dumbass, that's like completely killing the respect. I'm not dumb. The wonderful part as that everything I've shared so far happen all within an hour.

My day was completely ruined, especially when my mother came home because I was upset with her presence after the nonsense she spoke and it got even worse when my father came home early which I absolutely despise. You don't understand how much I hate when this man returns home unless I need him for something. Sounds harsh but literally I don't care to have him around me. I really don't. I don't even have a relationship with this man, besides the fact that we share the same DNA. Although he has always been in my live and always lived with me (don't think its one of those "walk out dad" things), I still never really saw him cause he's always at work and when he's home, he's an asshole. The crazy thing about my dad is that he thinks that I should give him the upmost respect, when he treats me like shit. He doesn't feel like he needs to respect me because he's the dad. Then when I lash out, he gets upset and wants to curse me out or try to hit me. I don't care, hit me. I will never respect someone who doesn't respect me, I don't care if we're family. That's why I just steer clear and stay away from him.

Another thing that made me mad was my mother trying to be nice when she got home. I know she could see I was upset, especially since I wasn't talking to her. While she was preparing dinner, she tried offering me food which I denied. I wasn't hungry. I was so mad I didnt want to eat. Being that everyone was in our tightly packed living room, I went to my room. I didn't even look at anyone when they arrived home in the first place. I didn't care. Brenon then facetimed me, which honestly didn't help. I know he was probably trying to cheer me up, but I was so sad, upset, and tired. I fell asleep and he hung up the call. I slept for 2 hours only to wake up sweaty and in pain. Brenon was still up when I woke up around 11 something so we talked for a short time till he fell asleep. I was alone again, bored. I finally ate a sandwich and some pork chops, then I stood up till around 2 AM watching movies on Netflix.

I woke up the next morning (6/16/15) still upset. One thing about my dad that I did enjoy was a movie I watched on Netflix called "Before I Disappear." I cried at the end, cause it touched me a lot. I highly recommend you watch it. Anyway, my day other than that pretty much sucked. I was home again like usual. I did feel better another time in my day when I showered, put on some clothes, and did my makeup just for the hell of it. I looked pretty which made me feel good but being that I couldn't go out anywhere, just killed the whole mood. My mom called me sometimes around 1 PM asking if I was still mad at her. YES I'M FUCKING MAD AT YOU. YES, I surely am. I told her that I was an explained why it was because she called me a dumbass. She said some fake ass sorry and the. proceeded to explain herself for calling me that. Her reason being "because you always wanna argue," I replied with "It's a free country, that doesn't mean I'm a dumbass." She then responded with "No, you're not supposed to argue," I then explained to her that Yes I will argue because she was talking nonsense about splitting my money with a 9 year old who doesn't do shit. She said we'd talk when she got home and we never did. When she got home that night, I once again ignored her. Once again, my dad came home early from work, which irked me to say the least. He quickly left to the gym, so that was good. He was gone again. My mom started cooking dinner, something I didn't want, so I told her to take me to Wendy's. Of course her reply was "You shouldn't. You're wasting your money and you're gonna get fat."

EVERYTHING I FUCKING EAT SHE HAS SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT. LIKE OH MY GOSH. IF I WANT TO EAT A BURGER, LET ME. Then if I say that, she tries to make me feel bad and tells me "Ok then eat it, but when you get fat and keep getting stretch marks, don't say I didn't tell you so. I can already see your face getting fat!" I'm tired of feeling bad about myself like I have been these past days so after driving to Wendy's (yes, I drove. I did great this time. Perfect.), I marched right in and ordered a half a pound burger, a lemonade, and fries!! Just cause that's what I want and I don't want to eat like a bunny rabbit.

I enjoyed my food in piece, went to the pool for maybe 30 minutes, and came home. My dad then tells me that I can go somewhere tomorrow cause he's taking the kids to work. I ask my closest female friends if they are busy, but of course they have jobs. How nice. I then decide I want to see Brenon, especially since we got in an argument. Forgot to mention that, but yes we did. Moving on, I was scared to ask my dad and that brings me to TODAY! (I finally got the guts to ask around 12 AM) When I ask him, he flat out cuts me off and says No. When I ask why, he says cause I said No. I then tell him " his dad and grandma will be there" and once again he cuts me off and says "No, I have no reason for saying no. I just said No" So basically he just wants to be his usual Ass self, which honestly I expected him to do cause that's who he is. So that's
why I am once again mad because now I have to be stuck bored literally alone later today. With nothing to do. No one to do anything with. When I could've been out with friends, but they have jobs, or with my boyfriend, but my dad is an ass.

The cherry on the top of the milkshake is that I should be getting my cycle this week, I don't care if you think that's gross to share. Every woman goes through it. Get over it.

I hate everything this week.