Writing with a Purpose: Summer Edition

18. 6/21/15

Father's day. What a day.
I just woke up not so long ago. My mom came into my room, nicely trying to wake me up and told me that we were all going to Waffle House. I'm happy to be going to because I love Waffle House breakfast. I usually order a Bacon, Egg, and Cheese Biscuit with Hash Browns. So good.

So anyway, we arrive to Waffle House and my dad is literally playing the church music/ceremony loud as fuck. Like please, watch that at home.

Let me get one thing, don't think I don't like my dad just cause he doesn't let me do certain things, No. It's way deeper than that. I don't like my dad because I feel like he's never been there, never cared, and he's never really given me attention. He's also rude, and doesn't know how to communicate. My dad is a great provider and everything and we have all that we have mostly because of my dad, but no matter how much money you give, money doesn't replace love and affection. My dad had spent all his life working long ass hours, so he's barely ever home. There's been multiple times in which my father has missed basic milestones of a child due to always working. For example, first steps, first tooth to fall out, etc.

He just doesn't ever sounds like he cares. When I was younger, I would try to tell him exciting things that would happen and he would gives one of those "Wow, that's nice" replies. He doesn't even show much expression unless he's angry or laughing at something stupid.

I don't know, man. It's hard to explain. Some days I do like him, most days I don't.

After Waffle House, we went to home depot. My dad was going to buy a lightbulb for our outdoor light, but me, I made my way to the plant section. I wanted to buy a new cactus for my little collection. I named my last cactus Karl and my new "Thimble Cactus" is named Parker. It's so cute. I can't wait to buy more. I love cactuses!

Anyway, I just drove home w/ my dad, but in his car this time while my mom followed behind in her car. I did really good this time too. I'm getting better and better each time I take the wheel. Soon enough, I'll have my truck and I'll be driving on my own, picking up my friends, and enjoying independence!

My family wants to go to a some mini waterpark but honestly, I don't want to go. It's boring when I'm alone. I have no one to have fun with and I feel awkward all by myself like that. I'm trying to think of anything I could do instead.

6:24 PM
My parents still haven't arrived. Even though I enjoy time alone from everyone, I'm really bored. I mean I'd be bored with them here too, but at least I wouldn't be alone. All I have is my dogs. I wanted my friend Ivy to come over, but she had plans already.
Not only am I lonely, I'm super hungry. I had a bowl of cereal to hold me down until dinner but I'm so hungry!

This makes me think about dieting. I think I should try again, even after many failed attempts. I want to loose a couple of pounds, but food is so good. I don't want to eat like a bunny with things like salads and water. I love sodas, and juices, and pizza, and my all time favorite HAMBURGERS!

Some days I say to myself "FUCK A DIET! I don't need to have a flat stomach to feel beautiful! Who cares what society says, love the skin you're in." It works great until the day I find a cute outfit, a dress for example, and realize how weird it looks with my little pudge. I buy them anyway, because I still look good. It honestly isn't very big, my stomach, but to me it seems pretty bad.

It's all very "want to be skinny" against "eat everything in the fridge." I'm sure 100% of all girls would understand. You know what though, I really need to push myself. I really need to prove to myself that I can do it and that I have SOME kind of willpower. So like my mom says, I have to set my goals small at first. I can't expect myself to loose 20 pounds within the first week and that's just something I'm going to have to get through my thick skull. I don't like listening to people. Having an aquarius's independent spirit, I like to do things by myself without anyone's help or advice but sometimes you just have to listen to get where you need to go.

Well Happy Father's Day to all the great, hard working fathers. I might have readers that are dads, you never know! Sweet Dreams to you all.

Sidenote: My parents finally came home around 10 PM.