Writing with a Purpose: Summer Edition

24. 7/23/15

MY LIFE IS A LIVING HELL!
Literally I feel like I do the same thing OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND ITS KILLING ME.

Yes I am one of those people that hates an ongoing routine. I need some sort of change, a dash of excitement from time to time. JUST SOME KIND OF DIFFERENCE SO I DON'T FEEL SO STUCK.

I can literally give you a detailed description on how my day goes. Ok so I wake up, grab something to eat. If the kids haven't had breakfast (they are always up before me) then I make them something. Usually they are playing video games so I make them turn it off since they had their time and they leave to go play on their tablet or phone. So, I then lay on the couch and barely get up for hours watching movies, sometimes the kids join me. Then, I make them lunch. They eat,  Leave once more or continue watching movies with me. Lastly around 4 something, I begin cleaning the mess that has piled up through the day from preparing meals. Anyway after all that, I wait for my mom to get home. She does. She takes forever to think about what she's going to cook us. She finally cooks. We finally eat dinner. Then we go back to doing what we were doing all day, only with my mom around; watching TV.

THIS GOES ON MONDAY THROUGH FRIDAY. EVERY. SINGLE. WEEK.

The only difference I have in my week is going to Brenon's house every Saturday. Which if you think about is basically routine, but that's something I enjoy. Except I wish we'd go out more. I hate being home, especially since my summer has mainly consisted of that and going to his house is nice and different especially cause its not MY house. But most times we just stay home, and do what I do when I'm at home Monday through Friday. I don't like to ask to go out a lot because I don't want to be crazy spending his parents money, or Brenon's money. I'm not rude like that but yeah.

I just hate it being trapped home. Like I literally feel so depressed cause I do THE SAME THING MOSTLY EVERY FUCKING WEEK. It's getting so annoying and ya know what it made me realize who my true friends are. The only people I've really hung out with this summer was Betsy, Melissa, and Julisa. That's it if I remember correctly. Some people would be like OH YEAH I'LL COME OVER and we'd make plans and the next day I'd be waiting for them to come over and they never even text me or come. Like that is so fake but what can you do? Right. Oh yeah I also hung out with Emily but I haven't been able to hang with her because She's been with her father visiting in another state. So that's it. Those are my only friends basically. Since no one else cares to see me, and it's not like I wouldn't love to go out and see them but I CAN'T BECAUSE IM STUCK IN THIS DAMN HOUSE.

The worst part is that even during the school year, these kids affect my life. I can't even join a damn club because I can't stay after school since I have to pick the kids up from the school bus just to walk them to the DAMN HOUSE JUST TO BABYSIT THEM ONCE AGAIN UNTIL MY MOTHER COMES HOME. And my mom is so ridiculous, she was going to the gym basically every day and coming home at like late 6 or early 7. Meaning I was forced to stay even LONGER babysitting. Like wtf we are bored here every damn day and you wanna be having a super
fun time every day at the gym. I understand she needs her own "me time" cause she's always forced to sacrifice something for us but Damn. Every damn day. Give us a break.

As I was saying about school, I CAN'T DO ANYTHING FUN FOR MYSELF. My teenage/high school are being taken from me cause I'm forced to babysit. When I complain a lot about it, my mom says "Well Leila, you have to sacrifice for the family" LIKE WTF I DIDN'T ASK FOR ALL OF THIS. Like what am I supposed to put on my transcript. With no clubs or anything, they are going to look at me like I'm stupid trying to get in their college. Not only that, I just want to join something. I wanna be apart of something and have some kind of obligation. Maybe even make some more friends or get some kind of recognition for my talents. For example, last year I wanted to join track so bad (I still do), but I couldn't because practice was after school and I had to pick up my sister. I can't join art club or anything like that because once again, it's after school and there's no way I could stay. It's like I didn't even give birth to these kids and they have taken over my entire life and that's unfair. That's more then a sacrifice. It's literally my life. I did not ask for this.

All I ever do is sit on my ass and gain weight. Most of the time I'm honestly not hungry, but I'm so bored that I'm literally just looking for anything to do so I eat I guess.

Well that's enough ranting, It's only making me more depressed.