The Super Kyman Project: Collection of Kyman Stories

2. My Pet Jew

Word count: 1559

Kyle's POV

I'm sick of it, of him! Every day is the same, Cartman calls me the same names every day and does the same intolerant shit EVERY DAY!!! I need to get back at him, but how?

Then it hit me, I need to lure him into an online relationship and trick him into telling me all of his secrets! The only online app fatass uses is reddit and Discord because he likes to post his opinions that no one asked about and make servers where he's in charge, where he has authoritah. I sighed and opened Discord on my computer, I guess it's resorted to this.

I created my account and added Cartman. Within 2 minutes, he added me back.

Cartman's POV:

After another weak day of schewl I could FINALLY log on to my discord and moderate more servers! If only everyone in real life could respect my fucking authoritah....

I imagined how much better the world would be that way until I suddenly heard a notification. "A friend request? Jeez being the kewlest person in the world is so awesome, I got all these bitches on my dick!" I looked at the user name."CuteKittenKylie69"

"Woah a new discord kitten wants me to claim them I see? " I said to myself, I immediately accepted and was ready to get to know my new kitten.

"Why hello there CuteKittenKylie69"

"Hello B1gB0n3dJ3wD3str0y3r.. tell me about yourself"

"I'll be asking the questions here thank you very much.. you tell me about yourself"

"Well I'm from Denver and I live in Denver and my favorite thing to do is watch documentaries about the holocaust and watch the passion.."

Wow... she's my dream girl, she likes the passion too? Most girls are lame people who only care about makeup and girl stuff but she's a real woman, I gotta make her mine... 😈😈

Kyle's POV:

Weeks of this went by, Cartman had grown closer and closer to my fake self but the confusing part was that it didn't feel like I had to make up a personality anymore, I just joked around with him like we would in real life. Without Cartman ripping on me all the time for being a jew he was actually kinda fun to talk to... The more I talked to him, the more I started to.. like him? No. I have to stay focused, I have to remember all the times he's made fun of me, harassed me, even tried to Genocide my people. I. Can't. Like. Cartman. Why does he have to be so sexy!!

Another night of staying up until 4am talking to Cartman went by and I showed up to school sleep deprived once again. "Kyle why are you always so tired showing up to school? Are you planning to take over the world again" Cartman chided, in moments like these Kyle couldn't believe how he could act so different. To Kylie he was funny, kind, caring so why was he so different to Kyle. "Shut up fat boy! Your eye bags are fatter than your ass!" I screamed at him, even though we had been getting along online in real life we were the same as we always had been. "I've been talking to a girl Kahl.. not like you would understand. She's not like other girls she's different, she's funny and kewl and she's not a total bitch. Like for example Wendy. Stan and Cartman started arguing over the comment he about Wendy but all I could think about was what he said about Kylie... about me! He thinks I'm cool and funny? I started blushing secretly as they continued to argue. "Jew...JEW!!" I heard cartman yelling

Cartman's POV:

As I explained to Stan what a raging bitch Wendy is I noticed Kyle was looked redder than usual, heh whatever he's just a dumb daywalker. The bus arrived and we all started getting on but the dumb ginger jew just stood there, "Kahl?" No response, "Jew? JEW?" He finally looked up at me and silently got on the bus, he was acting different. I sat by Kinny but I kept looking at Kahl, is he okay? Wait. Why do I ever care...he's just a..stupid jew.