The Super Kyman Project: Collection of Kyman Stories

9. (Fat) Matchmaker//Valentine's day special!

1226 palabras
Word count: 1226
Perchance
Perchance
Perchance
Perchance
"Heh, I wouldn't wanna be my valentine either. " - Raven Madison

Valentine's Day. The day where love or loneliness was in the air, depending on who you are. For people like RavenMadison, it's definitely loneliness.

Cartman is both. One could say he's a hopeless romantic. The week of Valentine's Day for Cartman brings up a bundle of FAT mixed up emotions, but one thing he knows for sure is that he has a secret romantic interest.

That being none other than his worst enemy, Kyle Broflovski.

Cartman sighed as he walked into school, Valentine's Day is in just a few days, and it's been driving his mcfatty heart crazy!

"Teehehee! I want him!!!" Said the tiny fat cupid flying fuck, pointing at the exotic weed colored hat Jew boy.

"Ughh shut the FREAK up cupid me! I know, we both do, but you better keep yourself in check or I'll kick you in the nuts! Perchance. " Cartman replied annoyed, rolling his shit stained and blue piss orbs.

Cartman took a deep breath and went to meet up with the gang.
"Hey losers, Valentine's day is coming, I bet you all are single haha! " Cartman teased.

Kyle crossed his arms. " Oh shut the flip up Cartman, like anyone would want you either, you have more FAT than love! "

Oh if only you knew Kyle... heh...
The Fatty thought to himself.

"Oh yeah? Oh yeah? Where's your Valentine KAHL? HUH?" Cartman flipped out

Kyle's face became ALMOST as red as his hair, "She's just.. she goes to a different school!"

Cartman's heart DROPPED. He had so many thoughts running through his mind, perchance.

"She? I thought he was gay!
Who the FREAK took my ginger boo from me??
Is she allergic to anything?
Heh, I'd choose some random girl over me too. "

"Dude, you are so lying!" Stan laughed at Kyle, Kyle quickly turned to shoot him a glare, which shut him up.

Cartman was going to get to the bottom of this, perchance.

After school, Cartman not so stealthily followed Kyle home. Not stealthily because he causes hurricanes in Texas, California, and Florida every time he walks. Because he's fucking fat.

"Cartman! What the freak are you doing?" Kyle yelled at him, Cartman tried to hide behind a tree, but there's no tree in the world big enough to hide his fatass.

"Nun' what's up with you?" He asked, leaning on the tree.

"I don't have time to deal with you piggy just leave me alone!" Kyle yelled at him and stormed away

"Curses! Why hath my weight forsaken me once again! I curse thy KFC! Why hath thou made me like this? " Cartman yapped.

He knew he was going to have to find another plan.

Meanwhile, in Kyle's house, he knew he was going to have to find a Valentine.

Kyle was pacing around his room, meowing RAPIDLY. "Freak freak freak! Fatass is onto me! He'll for sure find out I'm a loser with no Valentine! Why can't I be a hot babe like him??"

The truth was, Kyle actually had a big FAT (almost as fat as fatass) CRUSH on Cartman!!

But he didn't want to admit it or admit that he's actually a smol bean cinnamon roll loner....

The next day, the day before Valentine's day, Cartman was EXTREMELY upset. Who could have stole his bookie pookie ginger gem away from him!!!

He was about to FREAK and start throwing shit but then he heard cupid me in his ear!!
"Teeheheehe we have to make them fall OUT of love! It's the only way teheheheh!"