The Super Kyman Project: Collection of Kyman Stories

10. Pots o' Gold

Word Count: 1479

They all say leprechauns don't exist, that they're just made-up tales from Ireland. However, that's just what the leprechauns want people to think, but I know better.

Centuries ago, long before the creation of bang energy drink, everyone knew the horrible truth of leprechauns. They were mischievous evil greedy greenlings who protected their gold with their lives and their wishes.

Soon, people devised ways to hunt them and steal their gold. The leprechauns were able to provide three wishes if you let them go, but it wasn't enough for some people.

Amongst the SHEEP, there were shepherds who knew that leprechauns were nothing but greedy shoemaking green tricksters and knew they had to be dealt with.

Leprechauns started disappearing in alarming numbers, and eventually, they went into hiding. In America, they could blend in as just normal Irish people and, over time, mutated to look just like everyone else.

Nowadays, it's almost impossible to differentiate leprechauns from actual people, but people have found ways. People like leprechaun hunters.

My grandmother told me tales of my great great grandfather and his ancestors. My family was full of the greatest leprechaun hunters the world had ever seen.

I, of course, was next in line. At the ripe age of 13, I was awarded my badge of greenery, and ever since then, I've been studying, waiting, and learning.

After years of watching, I'm ready to take action.

Perchance.

______________

Today was the day my world changed, the day I found out the truth.

But I can't say I didn't know at all.

It started months ago when I got a hunger. A craving.

For those chocolate gold coins you find at cheap stores.

It was like none other I've had before. There was no way to stop it.

So I gave in.

At first, I bought a bag, just one, but it only got worse from there.

I developed an addiction, and I ended up spending all my money on chocolate gold coins and had to get a job.

But that wasn't the only thing different. My ears grew more pointed, and I somehow grew 3 inches shorter, and I even turned gay.

The worst part was through all this insane bullshit, I gained an attraction to the one guy who I'm supposed to hate.

Cartman.

Per se.

Per se.

Per se.

Per se.

Per se.

Per se.

Per se.

After a long day of staring at Cartman and trying to hold back the demons (the cravings for chocolate coins), I arrived home.

As soon as I walked in, I saw my mom and dad sitting on the couch.

They looked up at me, and my mom motioned for me to sit.

"What's going on... is this an intervention? I can stop eating chocolate coins whenever I want to!! I just don't want to!" I yelled

"No, it's not that, Kyle... And you can't stop whenever you want to, that's what we want to talk to you about.." My dad explained, looking down and then quickly up at me.