The Super Kyman Project: Collection of Kyman Stories

7. All I want for Christmas is (a) Jewwww

Word Count: 3423

I've always liked winter, and not just because of Christmas, although that's a big part of it. I've always loved watching the snow fall and the sound of it crunching below my feet, the cool air hitting my face, and seeing my breath hang in the air.

I miss being a kid and spending the winters with my friends building Snowmans and snow angels, throwing snowballs at each other, and then after hours of playing outside, we'd go into the shelter of the warm house to drink hot cocoa and watch movies.

But in South Park, Christmas was even more special.

The entire town would get together for the lighting of the tree, and we'd all sing Christmas songs.

Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and I would go on a magical Christmas adventure with Mr. Hankey (before he gyatt canceled), we'd save Christmas with Santa and Jesus, do elementary school plays.

It was a time to spend with my friends and my crush!

Teehee! >.<

However, recently, the magic has faded.

It had already gone stale over the years with us not going on our epic Christmas adventures, but when Kenny tragically and unexpectedly died (fr this time) on Christmas Eve, there was no saving Christmas.

I watched as our trio gave up hope, Stan started drinking excessively and even perfect little Kyle's grades starting slipping after the break, and of course, Christmas that year was ruined.

It's been 11 months and 23 days since Kenny died, and as Christmas approaches, I've begun to worry more.

Stan has only gyatten worse, and even though Kyle's grades have gone up, since his fat jew mother would never let his grades drop too low, but even though he seemed better we all knew he missed his friend.

Perchance.

This year, I planned for it to be different. This year was finally the year we'd all be together again.

Stan and Kahl don't know this, but I've kidnapped Santa Claus in a very mysterious costume and have hidden him in Professor Chaos' basement!!!

If we can't have a normal Christmas adventure, I'll force one, perchance.

Kool Kidz Klub GC

Cartman 🐷: Guys! Meat me at straks for a VERY imprortant meeting!

Jew 👨‍🦰: Cartman, I'm not in the mood

Emo 🍺: Yo tampoco

🐷: GYATTDAMNIT GUYS!! MET ME THER OR ELSE ILL MAKE U EAT YOUR PARENTES

🍺: Ok. Pero traeré mi cerveza

👨‍🦰: Stan lay off the beer

🍺: Cállate o te rompo el hocico 😒

👨‍🦰: What?

🍺: NO ME CONOCES 💔

🐷: Fuck guys hurry up!

I stood there waiting until I saw the drunk emo with his beer in hand and the ginger jew approaching.

"About fucking time!" I yelled out shivering like a fat fucking morbidly obese ground shaking earthquake causing tide pulling great wall of China sized leaf 🥺.

"Perdón, olvidé donde stark's pond está" Stan explained, acting like I can fucking understand him.

"I caught him passed out in his yard and had to help his drunk ass get here." The green hat jew told me, his weed green colored eyes reflecting in the sunlight as he talked.