DNS 2

Chapter 3 - Grey

"Lando would you mind dropping me off at the airport please?"

"Of course, I'll fly back home with you."

"Umm... no, I don't want to go to Monaco just yet. I need to go somewhere else first, I, I... need to go and see my dad." I say.

His face softens as he lifts his hand gently rubbing his thumb on my face. "Of course."

Before I do anything, before I make any final decision - I need to talk to my dad. I know he's not exactly going to talk back to me, but that doesn't matter, I need to talk to him, I needed to vent all of my thoughts to him, and I needed to go back to Manchester. 

"I'm coming with you." Lando says.

"To the airport yes, to Manchester no." I say back to him.

"You're not going alone, I'm not going to invade or overstep while we're there but you're not flying there and back alone, or I just won't sign you out of this hospital." He was being serious but ended his words with a smirk knowing that I'm stuck here unless he signs me out of the hospital into his care.

Im not sure whether to be annoyed at him or thankful that he was giving me no choice to be alone.

A plane just for us, a small black jet meets us on the runway of Bahrain airport.

I feel as though I'm not in the present.

As we sit on this plane, hurtling at god knows what speed through the clouds, nothing in sight - I feel like I'm not real, I can't even explain it but it's as if my mind and body are two separate things, and time is just passing.

The touch of his hand brushing across my thigh pulls me back in to reality. "Are you back in the room with me, well the plane?" He smiles, giving me a reassuring squeeze before his hand leaves my thigh.

"I am, sorry - I just, don't know what I'm doing or what to think or feel at all." Tears begin to fill my eyes and I really don't know what to respond to him other than the truth, and the truth is - I feel lost.

He doesn't say a word, most likely because what do you even respond to that? Instead he slowly gets up and moves over to the chair I'm seated on, carefully lifting me up while he puts himself underneath me, just holding me as I'm on his lap. No words, as he brings my head into his chest. He didn't need to say anything, but I've never felt so understood. In silence as he holds me.

Eventually he releases me from his grip as we separate to begin our descent into Manchester airport.

"Oh I've missed England" he jokes, looking out the window into almost darkness even though it's 10am here.

The plane doors open and we're immediately hit with ice cold air, the sky many different shades, but all of them grey. Light drizzle hitting the tarmac below us. What a miserable day in Manchester - this day looked and felt how I did.

Strangely, although it was a miserable day weather wise - it still felt somewhat great to be here. The rain on my face and the fresh air as I struggled to walk down the steps of the plane. Trying my best not to show it, but every step was agonising.

Making my way down the final step, I notice a white McLaren waiting for us on the runway, there's really no changing this man. He said he had arranged a rental car to drive us to the graveyard and back, but did it really need to be a McLaren?! I don't think I'm going to be able to even lower myself into this car without my ribs and body screaming at me. He just smiles and laughs as he notices me roll my eyes. "Did you really expect anything less."

"Of course I didn't." I laugh.

After what felt like an eternity of driving in silence, we eventually arrive at the graveyard. Lando parks up and helps me out of the car, I feel like such a burden right now I can barely lift any of my own weight, but he doesn't hesitate to help me. "I'm ok from here, would you be ok waiting in the car please." I ask.

"Yeah just shout me if you need me."

As nice as it was to have not travelled here alone and have Lando's company - I just needed to be alone with my thoughts here.

Walking slowly through the graveyard - because I can't walk any faster, the grave finally becomes visible. Rain still lightly showering down, a chill in the air, all I can do right now is think about how much I miss my dad, how much I miss his voice and his comfort, his laugh and his hugs.

As I sit down on that same bench where Charles and I sat on the day of his funeral, part of me wishes he was here.

Now sitting only a few feet away from my dads grave, I notice white roses line the front of the stone, tons of them, fresh white roses, the same as we laid on the day of the funeral. And a note.

Charles.

It could only have been him.

—————————————————————————