DNS 2

Chapter 10 - Paper

I need to call him. Lando walks outside of our hotel room, I assume to stand in the hallway - well I hope to god it's to stand in the hallway and that he wasn't thinking about going downstairs.

My hand shaking as I try and calm my nerves to call Charles and to my surprise, he answers the phone on the first ring. I wasn't sure if he was going to answer at all to be totally honest so I'm a little taken back and I'm completely stumbling over my words as I soon as I begin to speak.

"Charles? hello?"

"What do you want Lilly?"

"Please just listen to me, please understand this isn't some sneaky secretly planned trip that I've taken with Lando, it's not like that at all." I plead with him trying to explain.

"Then what is it like Lilly? Because you said you hadn't spoken to him in months only a few days ago in Bahrain and now you're here with him!" His voice growing louder with every word.

"You left me at the hospital after telling me you'd basically never forgive me if I didn't go through with the pregnancy and then you walked out on me again Charles! Are you forgetting this?"

"DO NOT fucking turn this around on me, can you not just take some responsibility for once?!" He screams down the phone.

"I'm not trying to do that! I'm just telling you why I've ended up here!! You literally left me and I needed Lando to check me out of the hospital! I wasn't allowed to leave on my own! He's looked after me. No part of me being here was pre planned I promise you!"

Was I really turning this around on Charles? I didn't think I was. Surely I'm allowed to explain and question his part in how all of this started. If his reaction had of been different in the first place at the hospital, and he was actually there by my side, we might not be in this situation. Or is that just what I'm telling myself to avoid the guilt I should be feeling? I don't know anymore.

Of course I'm not justifying my flirting or underlying feelings that have occasionally burst to the surface for Lando, but I honestly don't think I've done anything wrong this time - for once.

In Bahrain all I wanted was Charles, I didn't speak to Lando for months - for Charles. His words before the race made me think we had a chance of fixing things and it was all I wanted at the time, but his attitude and behaviour at the hospital was what ultimately pushed me away. Even then I didn't ask Lando to come with me.

I'd zoned out for a moment in my own thoughts before I snap back into the present and continue to plead with Charles on the phone. "Are you still here Charles? Can we please just speak face to face. I don't want it to be like this between us, I don't want us to be angry with each other."

"Well you shouldn't have came here with him if you didn't want me to be angry with you. Of all people Lilly, really?!" His voice rising in volume again.

"... and no, I'm not still at the hotel. I'm in a taxi on my way back to the airport. I'm done with this conversation tonight Lilly. I'll call you in the morning."

"Ok thank you. Let's speak tomorrow, I'm sorry Charles."

"How many times have I heard that. Speak tomorrow." Abruptly putting the phone down.

Part of me wants to send him a message, but I know pushing him further than he already had been tonight was a bad idea, I know Charles better than anyone and he needs time to calm down or he'll just become angrier. I'm lucky he's at least offered me a phone call tomorrow, even a small win is a win right now.

I'm in disbelief that he came all the way here to make sure I was ok, and at the same time I'm so ashamed that this is what he arrived to find. I look so sneaky and deceitful, don't get me wrong... I'm very aware that I often make terrible decisions, but I hadn't intentionally done anything sneaky or to knowingly hurt him.

Throwing my phone onto the bed next to me as I lay here staring up at the ceiling, it's eerily silent. Or was the deafening silence just caused by how bad I was beginning to feel?

And where is Lando?

Struggling to pull the heavy door of our hotel room open - I know they're fire doors for safety but it's just taken me every ounce of strength to open it, if there were a fire in here I wouldn't stand a chance. Looking left and right down the seemingly never ending narrow hallway of the hotel floor - he was nowhere in sight. He can't have gone far surely, he's only wearing a robe!

I wander back into our room to call him - but I notice his phone still sitting on the bedside table, useless. Where has he gone without it and what could he possibly be doing? Barely visible, only slightly sticking out from underneath his phone; I notice the scrunched up piece of paper.

This is what the officer must have handed him today at the police station. I'm overcome with curiosity and nosiness, is it wrong if I look at it? A huge part of me felt like I was being completely invasive here, but also it shouldn't be anything that I shouldn't be able to see right?

Lifting up his phone and sliding out the scrunched up piece of paper, carefully peeling each corner of it open, I can finally make out the tiny writing.

WHAT THE FUCK.

Mr K Atkinson
11-00-12
44678982

My hand falls open, the paper floating down like a feather to the floor. A crushing wave of terror swallows me whole.

Bank details. This can't be what I think it is.

He didn't do it.

Why would he have the officers bank details?

I feel myself shrinking.
No way.
I just don't believe it.

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