DNS 2

Chapter 4 - White

So many white roses.

I don't know how I didn't notice them all before now as I was making my way through the graveyard.

Breaking the echoing silence - was the sound of my phone vibrating. Usually I wouldn't have even heard it but you could hear a pin drop in this place.

Message from Charles -

Are you ok? Mon amour I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for reacting like that, I'll never leave you alone again. Do you need me to come to Manchester I'll get on a plane right now?! Or please just come home x

Is he psychic? I'm taken back for a moment, before remembering we have each other on find my iPhone, he knows exactly where I am.

I message him back -
Lil: I'm ok, I just need to talk to my dad - I'll call you when I'm back in Monaco to talk, I just need to be alone right now.

Charles: You've flew there alone?! Lil you shouldn't be alone right now. Call me once you leave I don't want to interrupt you at the graveyard but please call me after. I love you and I'm so sorry x

Ignoring his question of flying here alone, because now really isn't the time or place for this discussion...

Lil: The white roses... are they from you?

Charles: They're from us.

Lil: What do you mean?

Charles: Just because we haven't been ok these last few months doesn't mean I don't care. And I know you've had a lot on your mind, I make sure the roses are sent every week.

I don't quite know how to take this from Charles at the moment, this gives me a glimmer of the Charles I've always loved, but I don't want to reply right now, I just want to talk to my dad.

I manage to sit down cross legged on the soaking wet grass in front of his grave stone, pain radiating through every part my body as I've twisted and turned my bruised muscles, tears flood from my eyes.

I don't know what to do, dad what do I do? Talking aloud to him as I fumble around with one of the white roses between my fingers.

"I've messed up so badly, I've ruined everything dad. I don't even know why I've been acting how I have been these last few months I don't even feel like I've been myself at all, i've messed everything up and I just wish you were here, I hope you're not disappointed in me." Tears rolling down my face as I continue to talk to him.

"I'm pregnant and I don't know what to do."

A strange feeling washes over me, and suddenly I realise I'm not alone in this graveyard, a woman stands beside me and I can barely make out her face through my tears, I don't move my head towards her to even acknowledge her, I stay staring at the grave. But she speaks to me.

"Are you ok darling. Whoever you're talking to... they won't be disappointed in you, we're all human and we all make mistakes." Her voice is soft and somewhat familiar, but I can't move. Something, I don't know what, a feeling washes over me and I'm just completely frozen.

"Trust your gut, trust in yourself, James and I will always be proud of you."

My skin turns cold, the shiver that runs through my body is like nothing I've ever felt in my life. My head swings around to look at the woman, but there's no one there.

Am I completely losing my mind?

The only person I see is Lando standing at the entrance of the graveyard, waiting for me - making sure I'm ok. I don't know how I'm going to even explain to him what I think has just happened, because surely I'm losing my fucking mind.

I'm freaking out, I'm scared and upset and I can't control my emotions right now, as soon as I see him I scream for him.

"LANDO! Lando please come here." Barely able to form words in my mouth as I pour with tears, scrambling to try and get myself up of the floor as I stumble in pain unable to lift myself up. The rain begins to unleash and all I see is the outline of him sprinting towards me.

"Lilly! Lilly! I'm here, i'm here." Diving to the floor grabbing me in his arms, covering his clothes in mud as he holds me tightly on the grass.

"Lando where did the woman go? Where is the woman that was here?!" I scream through my tears.

He looks confused and concerned, gripping me tightly as I shake and cry uncontrollably in his arms. "Lilly there's no one here, what woman? You've been sat here on your own? Are you ok."

I wasn't ok.

At first I felt a sense of comfort, but now I feel like I might actually be losing my mind.

Was that my mum?

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