DNS 2

Chapter 20 - Acceptance

Blinding sun beams break through the curtains in the hotel room waking me up, I'd always been a light sleeper when it came to daylight. I roll around slowly to face Lando but he's still fast asleep, trying to lift my head a little to catch sight of the clock behind him on the hotel room bedside table.

It's only 7am.

Rolling back over away from him I pick up my phone trying to be as quiet as possible to not wake him up, he doesn't need to be awake right now and realistically he desperately needed sleep after the turmoil of yesterdays events and the length and exhaustion of the day he had.

3 missed calls from Adrien. Brilliant.
2 messages from Adrien.

Message -

Hi Lilly just checking in, I hope you're recovering well - just confirming that you will be in Surrey at the factory on the 13th, I've set up a medical review at 9am followed by some simulation training to prepare you for your next race, if it's any help you can also get out on track as a refresher, the cars will be available to use.

Thank god. Why was I worrying it was going to be something terrible or something to do with the photos that had been spread around of Lando and I at the hotel. I couldn't wait to get back there. 4 days time. The only slight let down about the timing was the fact it was Lando's birthday.

I know I don't need to be with him on the day but I really do want to do something nice or at the very least something thoughtful for him considering the effort he had made on my birthday.

We barely knew each other and that day I was feeling completely alone, the helmet and his note meant more than anything to me that day. The sentimental value alone meant so much, I honestly have no idea what I can even do that would come close to that.

He's awake.

Opening his eyes he groans while stretching his arms up before hitting the headboard with them, rolling over to face me he pulls me in towards him kissing me softly on the forehead.

I don't know what came over me and maybe I should have said something else before getting straight to the point but the first thing that leaves my mouth is "good morning, should we get going? Do you want to call your dad because he will be waiting to hear from you?"

Realistically I probably should have at least gave him a minute to wake up and pull round before dumping the inevitable stress of the day on him.

"Yeah I'll call him now he probably is worried." He mumbles still half asleep.

As he picks up his phone I can already see multiple missed calls from his dad and sister, and the following look of immediate stress on his face.

"Don't worry Lando just call him ok, I'll go pick us up some breakfast and give you some privacy, and make sure to call your sister back too."

"Thank you Lilly, you don't know how much i appreciate you being here."

I'd honestly do anything for this man. But why am I completely terrified of going to his parents house today. I feel like this is such a sensitive situation that should be dealt with as a family, I don't think I should be there.

Does that sound awful? I want to be there for Lando and I absolutely will be, but I don't think I should be a part of this conversation. This is something he needs to do on his own. This is too personal?

I leave the room and head downstairs to the hotel restaurant, it's a breakfast buffet and I begin piling on random items to plates to bring back up to Lando, but as soon as I've finished - I just sit there.

Contemplating what I should say to him about today. I need to somehow tell him that I'm here for him and that I'll come with him, but that I don't think I should be there or present with him and his family when he's talking about something so serious and personal.

Instagram message from Charles.

What on earth? Why is he messaging me on instagram? Oh actually that makes sense - he must have a new phone after losing the other one and not have my number anymore, it's absolutely like Charles to not have saved or even know his Apple ID password, he literally makes a new one every time he gets a new phone for some unknown reason, you'd think he was 70.

Hey Lil, I got back home - eventually. I hope you're doing ok, give me a call when you can please we obviously still have a lot to talk about, I don't want to leave things like this. You've been my best friend since we were kids and regardless of what's happened between us - we can't just forget that surely x

I'm not sure how I feel reading this message, but he's right and I absolutely agree. No part of me at all wants to lose Charles as a friend or someone who's in my life - besides my dad he's been the only constant I've ever known, he's always been there and every memory I have from the last ten years or even more, he has been a part of. Is it possible to get back to a place where we have a relationship without it being physical?

I feel almost stupid. Charles warned me about us crossing the line and that there was no coming back from it, but at the time all I wanted was him and I didn't think whatsoever about the implications of what that meant, and how it would tear apart our friendship and relationship.

Also what the hell am I going to do when it comes to having this baby...

Lando knows I'm still pregnant. But Charles doesn't.

When Lando came in the hotel room the day I'd been to the clinic - after the whole police station chaos, he'd taken my jacket down for dry cleaning, he said to me - I know what's going on by the way but I'm not going to ask you about it now. What he meant by that was that he'd either found or been given the tablet boxes that were in my pocket.

I couldn't do it.

I opened the first box in the clinic to take the tablet, but I didn't do it. I can't go back now. There's no going back now.

When I do have this baby, which is happening - and it absolutely scares the shit out of me... what do I do when it comes to who's child it is?

If I'm in a relationship with Lando but this baby ends up being Charles' child, does that change everything?

I've not once acknowledged or even dared to think about what this means for the future, and for the first time since leaving that clinic - I'm finally coming to terms with the fact...

I'm having a baby.

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