Hey school is officially over and now I can update more!!! I'm done with finals which I'm thankful about. So I can go back to my old schedule. I'm so happy. But I'm so pissed because my computer is shot, it's dead. So I can't go on my YouTube channel anymore. So my parents are thinking about getting a apple desktop. I honestly want that because I don't just like to make Instagram edits but I like to make video edits. I also want to try iPhoto but I can't do that now. So I'm crossing my fingers my mom will agree to it. Or then I'll be screwed and I won't be happy at all. Anyways back to da story ✌🏼️
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Where could he be
Why isn't here when I need him the most. It's all my fault, I should of just listened to him. Now he's gone.
Three days ago me and Theo got into a big fight. It was so stupid, but I didn't think it was stupid then. Theo thought me and Nahko were dating.
But of course, we weren't and I told him that but he didn't believe me. But he told me that he had feelings for me and I just told him that I can't be in a relationship now. But I lied to him, because I don't want to date my costars.
But he didn't know that
He just walked out of my room heartbroken. I didn't know he felt that way about me it'll he left. Then I knew that, I broke my best friend.
I didn't mean to, but I don't want to date my costars because if I did. There's a chance we could get into a big fight and our friendship would end in all. But I couldn't afford that, not with friendships.
Not with any friendship that is so important to me and who I am very close with.
Like Theo
Now our friendship will be very awkward because I don't feel the same way about him then how he does about me. But now I'm realizing that I do feel the same way about him like he does about me.
But I hurt him and now he won't look at me the same again because what I did. I just have this fear, of losing your best friend in a relationship. But now I realize If you really do love someone.
You can't let fear get in the way
Especially not in love. Gosh I'm such an idiot. I should of just said I'll think about it. Instead I just said I can't be in a relationship now. Shailene your an idiot, he's gone now.
So for these past days I have been upset with myself for what I did. It's like I can't forgive myself. But how can I when I hurt someone that I love?
But you can't.
I need Theo back. I need him now, he was always there for me when I had hard times. He would come into my room and he would comfort me. He would help me get through my struggles and I would help him get through his.
I need him now. But how can he comfort me when I hurt him? He's never coming back. You know that Shai, he will never look at you the same again.
It's all my fault
I need him. Please come back, please.
I'm begging you Theo please come back. I need you. What am I going to do without him? I don't know, I don't know.
I just need my best friend back. I need to him to understand why I said that. I never meant to hurt him. I just panicked, because I didn't know that he felt that way about me.
I wish I have known, so then I wouldn't been in this mess. When I was a kid, before my parents got an divorce. My mom told me that someday I would find someone.
