12 Steps to Not Fall in Love on Wattpad

STEP 9

July 24th, 2023

Don’t underestimate distance. Sometimes, it punches you in the face and steals your wallet.

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Hey, diary. I know you want an update after last time because, yeah, watching a girl fall asleep mid-proposal isn’t exactly something that happens every day.

So, here’s the news: I still have a girlfriend.

And no, I don’t know how that happened either.

The weirdest part? I’m actually good at this whole relationship thing. Who would’ve thought? Me, the girl who panics at feelings and runs the second things get serious, is out here being all committed and emotionally available. Unbelievable.

But also? Kinda amazing.

It’s just… different this time. I don’t feel that need to pull away. I’m not looking for an escape route or waiting to get bored. Instead, I actually want to stay. She makes me want to stay. And yeah, that’s terrifying.

But nothing is scarier than this damn distance.

I really thought I’d handle it better. I mean, I knew long distance would suck, but I figured, Hey, I’m an introvert. I spend most of my time alone anyway. How bad could it be?

Very bad.

One moment, I’m floating on air, convinced I’ve unlocked the secret to happiness, and the next, I have a bad day at work and all I want is to bury my face in her neck and pretend the world doesn’t exist. But I can’t. Because she’s not here. And somehow, that tiny little detail makes everything a thousand times worse.

And yeah, I know we talk all the time. I know she’s always just a text or a call away. But emotionally being close and physically being close are two very different things.

I miss her even though we haven’t met in person yet. I don’t know how her voice sounds in real life or what her shampoo smells like. I don’t know how soft her hands are or how long it’ll take before I get completely lost in her eyes. 

But I still miss her. 

Oh, and fun fact—I might have written her a love letter before I even met her. 

Okay, so technically, I wrote it years ago. It wasn’t meant for anyone specific at the time, just this open letter to someone I hadn’t met yet. I had a dream about a person—not a man, not a woman, just a presence that felt warm and familiar—and when I woke up, I had this weird feeling like I missed them. So I wrote it all down. 

And now, I can’t help but wonder… was I writing to her? 

I don’t know. Maybe I’m overthinking it. Maybe I’m just being a little ridiculous (wouldn’t be the first time). 

But all I know is, the second I finally get to hold her, I'm never letting go.

XOXO
I admit I'm in love, Nini