12 Steps to Not Fall in Love on Wattpad

ᴛʜᴇ "ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅᴢᴏɴᴇ" ᴛʏᴘᴇ ✉️

you: Honestly, you couldn’t blame yourself for being whipped. And from what I’m getting from this interaction, I think she might have had a crush on you too. 

For goodness’ sake, why did I say that? Do I hate myself that much? 

I don’t even know if the girl she’s talking about is attracted to other girls. Why am I even trying to play cupid? 

The truth is, I can’t fathom the idea of anyone not being attracted to her. At this point, she’s the most wonderful girl I’ve ever met. She’s smart, funny, and sweet. She cares so much about everyone around her, it’s like she’s a walking bubble of happiness—coloring the world in a way that makes even the dullest things seem brighter. 

Who wouldn’t have a crush on her? 

I sigh and put my phone down. The bed I’m lying on is soft, but even the feeling of clouds beneath me can’t make up for this growing disappointment. 

I hate that. She deserves so much more than having a crush on someone who barely acknowledges her! Seeing her talk so lovely about a girl who didn't care to stay in contact pisses me off, makes me want to burn the whole world. 

On top of that, I didn’t get the job. Yay, one more thing for my list of "reasons why I should've been born a turtle not a human". Turtles live plenty and can travel across the oceans. Turtles are chill. They don't have to worry about jobs or expectations or annoyingly perfect girls who seem to always get the girl of my dreams on a leash yet do nothing about it.

Grunting is automatic as I finish one more cup of soda. Today, I'm gonna drink my sorrows.

So much for “I have a good feeling about this.”

My gut really enjoys toying with me, doesn’t it?

Enough with the pity party, Nini. Remember your New Year’s goals? 

Yeah, I remember them. Especially the ones I’m failing. 

The headache hits my temples like a hammer. I’ve had this conversation with myself way too many times. It’s a rerun now—me trying to push away the negativity, only to end up right back where I started. Things never seem to go my way, how am I supposed to stay positive when my life is one giant mess? 

I’m a disappointment. A failure. I can’t even ace a simple job interview. 

Why do I even try? 

Because mom doesn’t deserve a dead weight like you. She’s done too much for you already. 

Right. Every attempt I’ve made to turn my life around has been a flop. But mom? She’s only ever seen potential in me, even when I couldn’t. While everyone else watched me go from the promising kid to the girl who barely scraped through high school, my mom never gave up. She deserves better than this version of me. 

I need to keep trying. If not for myself, then for her. 

A ping interrupts my thoughts, and I glance at my phone. It’s her. Of course, it’s her. And with that, the bitterness creeps back in. I already know what’s coming. She’s going to talk about the blonde-blue-eyes-goddess again, and I don’t have the energy for it. 

But ignoring her? That’s not an option either. 

Dreading what’s waiting, I open Wattpad and pull up her messages. 

xxx: Maybe she was, maybe she wasn’t looking at me for those reasons, but I guess we’ll never know cause I’m not bold at all. Also, it’s been literal years so I can’t just be like HEY GIRL WHATS UP LONG TIME NO TALK ALSO DID YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON ME? :(((((( OH the possibilities are endless. 

The possibilities are endless? What is that supposed to mean? Is she... actually considering what could’ve been if she’d been braver? If she’d gone up to her literal gay awakening and just said something? 

No, forget I asked. It doesn’t matter. It’s not like it changes anything. We’re still just friends, and I don’t think that’s going to change anytime soon. Even if, by some miracle, she started liking me, I wouldn’t drag her into the disaster zone that is my life right now. 

That’s why I’m going to put on my big girl pants and endure every single time she talks about someone who isn’t me. Because healing isn’t supposed to be fun. 

It’s supposed to keep me in the Friendzone. 

And it sucks.