STEP 10

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October 10th, 2023:

Don't make plans with her in real life. They say this is just a phase. You'll forget about her real quick.

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Sometimes I can be a tad bit dramatic and expect too much when I know I shouldn't.

As if you weren't aware of it at this point.

People have different ways of showing and giving love. Consequently, they have different expectations for their relationships.

That's why communication is key.

I didn't get it before, but now I have no idea how I was able to survive in a world where I had to seal my lips regarding any discomfort, otherwise everyone would leave me, and I'd become the old lady with 11 cats in a small apartment and no friends.

I think her life is quite appealing, if you ask me, but I'd love to add my girlfriend to that scenario, so yeah. Communication.

My insecurities were resurfacing so I started to overthink about something she did.

Something about me: I'm really big on planning. I don't deal well with "not knowing what's to come" which turns planning into my coping mechanism.

It became sort of a therapy to me, so every time I'm feeling anxious or excited I start taking notes and write down my goals. Step by step.

I enjoy planning trips that I'm far from going.

I love daydreaming about what I'm gonna do in the next five years.

I plot every chapter of my stories, from beginning to the very end, before writing a single chapter.

So yeah, I plan a lot, and it's no different when it comes to my relationships.

I'm planning on visiting her country cause I feel more grounded when I start thinking of our first meeting as something that can actually happen, and I told her that plenty of times. The catch?

She'd always find a way to avoid the topic.

So it's only natural for me to assume she didn't want to see me in real life, and a heavy feeling settled in my stomach for a whole week until I decided to stop being a chicken and approached it.

But, before you come for my head saying that I'm being too much, that this is too soon, that I'm being too emotional moving to a whole new country for a girl I met six months ago and blah blah blah, this is something I've been dreaming about for years, way before I met my girlfriend.

I started learning English when I was a kid because of my dream of living abroad, so no. I'm not getting too excited and doing crazy things in the name of love.

Not yet, at least.

Well. Sort of.

I mean, the fact that I wanted to go there before meeting her counts, right? It's not as if she's the sole purpose of my obsession over finding a way to go to the USA by the next year...

Anyways, turns out that I did find a way to live abroad for two years, and suddenly that plan of traveling to America isn't just an unreachable dream but something I can put on paper and make it happen by the end of 2024, if I want.

And oh, how I want.

So of course, alongside my exchange program, I began planning our dates, movies we'd see together, places we'd visit, trips we'd take, and everything we're entitled as a long distance couple going to our first year anniversary without being able to U-Haul.

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