adopted-chap 8

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I woke up tear stains and sweat on my face due to another nightmare. I cleaned myself up. I was looking for face wash to clean off my makeup when I saw a glint in the back of a cupboard. I reached back and pulled out a razor. I had a razor. My heart raced and I tried so hard to resist the urge but I couldn't. I watched beads of blood grow on my waist and I dropped the razor. No. No I was supposed to be getting better. My three cuts stung. Stuff getting better! I was never going to get better! I'm fucked up! I hid the razor. I finally had one and I was supposed to be getting better. They don't know me. They don't know how bad I am. I will never get out of this.

I put on tight dark denim jeans and a white t-shirt with pink in the middle and a faint yellow building on top of the pink and NYC written on it. My hair was parted and pinned back in the middle and fell on my shoulders, some parts straight and others in little waves.

Lou and el had gone on a date (so adorable) and zayn and Niall were put grocery shopping. It was Nialls turn but Harry made zayn go and supervise. I was home with Liam and Harry.

Harry was whining to Liam about going to the bar and I laid in Liam's lap laughing

"Harry we have a 12 year old here!"

"I want to go to the bar!"

"No!"

"Yes!

"Harry you aren't going to the bar!"

"Liam stop being to mature! Em can come!"

"And what be hit on by 20 year olds! Watching people grind! Hearing people upstairs having s-"

I stopped Liam quickly

"MY EARS! MY POOR VIRGIN EARS! IM GONNA BE TOLD ALL THIS AND EWW"

"You'd better hope they are!" Liam said laughing and I winced.

Harry looked confused but hit Liam in the arm. I ran upstairs and heard Harry scold Liam

"Em?"

"Go away harry"

"Let me in embear, please"

He opened the door anyway and I lifted my head from my hands. He shut the door and sat next to me

"W-were you..you know..r-"

"Yes. Don't say it. Please don't say it. It's disgusting. I'm disgusting"

"No, they are disgusting. Was it...him?"

"My father? Yes"

"I'm sorry baby"

I nodded and he kissed my forehead.

"don't feel disgusting because of this."

"Can you not tell anyone? Please?"

"Of course not baby"

"Thank you" I said and kissed his cheek

He brushed some stray hairs from my face and took my hand, dragging me back downstairs. I ran up and hugged Liam

"Sozzies liliboo"

"Don't be" he said and kissed my cheek. Niall and zayn were back and we were waiting on Lou and el.

After an hour Lou arrived and el had gone home to her parents. I was tired and jumpy for some weird reason. Every time a loud noise was made, a phone dinged or buzzed, someone yelled, I'd jump out of my skin. And just to make it better all I could think about was the person watching me last night.

It got to 11.25 and I was falling asleep in Liam's arms.

"Louboo?"

"Yeah emboo?"

"Can you come cuddle with me? Pleeeease"

"Okay boo"

I smiled and jumped up. I hugged Liam and Niall, and kissed them both on the cheek. Harry and zayn had gone to bed half an hour before. Lou picked me up in his arms, as he did every time we wet somewhere, and carried me to my bed. He got in with me and I cuddled close to him

"Lou?"

"What up boo?"

"Can you sing to me?"

"Sing?" He sounded surprised

"Thats what i said" i smirked.

"What do you want me to sing boo?"

"Mmm autumn leaves by Ed sheeran"

"Do we have an Ed fan here?"

"Yep!"

He laughed and started singing, his voice hitting every note, without even tying.

"Another day another life

Passes by just like mine

It's not complicated

Another mind

Another soul

Another body to grow old

It's not complicated

Do you ever wonder if the stars shine out for you?

Float down

Like autumn leaves

Hush now

Close your eyes before the sleep

And you're miles away

And yesterday you were here with me

Another tear

Another cry

Another place for us to die

It's not complicated

Another life that's gone to waste

Another light lost from your face

It's complicated

Is it that it's over or do birds still sing for you?

Float down

Like autumn leaves

Hush now

Close your eyes before the sleep

And you're miles away

And yesterday you were here with me

Ooh how I miss you

My symphony played the song that carried you out

Ooh how I miss you

And I, I miss you and I wish you'd stay

Do you ever wonder if the stars shine out for you?

Float down

Like autumn leaves

Hush now

Close your eyes before the sleep

And you're miles away

And yesterday you were here with me

Ooh oh, ooh oh

Ooh oh, ooh oh

Touch down

Like a seven four seven

Stay out and we'll live forever now"

ED SHEERAN<3

he's just so perfect<3

HA my nan actually said earlier today

'Look at all the beautiful autumn leaves' and I was just like

'OMG EDDDD!'

stay strong my lovelies.

~em xo

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