adopted by one direction.

adopted-chapter 57

it's only been 10 minutes, but i'm still locked in the toilet. i know that i'm acting like a 7 year old, but at the moment i can't think of anything better to do. i had gotten myself into such a big mess. it would have been so much easier if i'd come clean at the start about my eating, and shut up last night so harry didn't hear.

i continued ripping the piece of toilet paper i'd pulled off, into tiny pieces to drop on the floor. i heard a door open and the boys all start talking loudly. i furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, but remembered that el was here today. it was less than a minute before the bathroom door was yanked open, showing a happy el. i groaned, not wanted to see anyone, not even her.

"what's up with you?" she asked, sitting down next to me.

"i'm throwing a tantrum because i can't think of anything better to do," i smiled, sarcastically.

"what happened?" she asked, gathering all the ripped toilet paper into a pile.

"too much."

"em."

"what! I'm sorry. my father killed my mum, harry found out, then zayn found out and i'm so playing favourites even if i don't mean to!"

el's mouth hung open for a few seconds before she spoke. "i-i'm sorry about your mum. but you aren't playing favourites. the boys know you love them all so much and that some things are hard to tell."

i nodded, resisting the urge to yell out that she was wrong. "el, i know you only got here but i need to be alone right now..please? i'm sorry."

"yeah, that's fine. i'll come and get you for lunch later, okay?" she said and i nodded.

after she left the room, i noticed she had left the new pills on the sink. i took one out and swallowed it with the glass of water i had next to me. it probably wasn't supposed to be taken on an empty stomach, but too late now. lou and zayn's voices filled the room (connected to the bathroom). i couldn't make out what they were saying, but i wasn't exactly trying. i tore off another square of toilet paper to rip up on the floor.

5 minutes later, the room was quiet again, and i guess (and hope) they had left, as the bathroom was cold and boring. i walked out, closing the door quietly, but as soon as i turned around i ran into louis.

i gasped "sorry," i spoke quietly, stepping away, but he pulled me back in and lifted me into his arms.

"what's happening em?" he asked, brushing my light pink hair from my shoulders.

i shrugged my shoulders, not giving a real answer. lou gave me a look, though, which made me give him a proper answer. "i'm playing favourites, aren't i?"

"what! em, no, you aren't don't think that. no one expects you to be okay with telling everyone everything, it's a lot to handle!"

i wriggled out of lou's arms, landing on the floor. "i am, though," i said, going out and doing something extremely stupid.


i didn't say anything else, but i didn't need to, their attention was full on me, after. i spoke without thinking at all,

"i still have an eating disorder!" i said loudly enough for them to all hear over their own conversations.

all their heads turned my way, el too, and their mouths hung open. "wh-what?" liam spoke first.

i clapped my hand over my mouth and ran into lou's bedroom again, locking the door. i forgot, however, louis was still in the room.

"what have i done!" i cried, but with no tears..if that's possible?

"em," lou said softly, and hugged me. i could smell his.. smell? it was a cologne me and el had gotten him a while ago, and it smelled nice of him..conforting, but only because it was 'lou's smell' i suppose.

"lou they're going to hate me," i whispered, still shocked at my actions.

"no, no they won't boo. of course they won't hate you," he said to me.

"i messed up lou. this isn't how they were supposed to find out. they aren't supposed to be mad at me. i was supposed to be better by the time i told them."

he sat me down on the bed and kneeled in front of me. "you're much better than you were before, at the start. after you finish the new pills, you'll be all better and back to normal again. well, healthy again. and maybe it's better that the boys found out this way. you might have been too scared to tell them when you got better, and they would have never known, which isn't a good thing. it's going to be okay, em," lou said, his hands holding me firmly (but not harmfully) by my elbows.

i nodded, still no tears. i am surprised at how calm i am at the whole situation. i mean, besides the fact that i'm freaking out, but i'm not crying or feeling like i want to puke, or anything that i would usually do in these type of situations. all though it wasn't smart to run away, again, i felt better that i had lou to talk to and support me right now.

"i have to go back out there don't i?" i left out a soft laugh, though not finding it funny at all.

"when you're ready. no one expects you to come back straight away. we do have to leave for the arena soon though, but we can talk after we get home," lou said, checking his phone. "we leave at 3, that's a while away."

"but i should. i shouldn't keep running away from my problems. that's what i always do. my mum used to do that as well, in the end thats what got her..dead.." i trailed off. although, i knew she hadn't in fact killed herself, it was easier to think that way. less..pain that i had to go through all over again. considering the facts, it's what i feel is the most peaceful way for her to go. at least she had her own life in her hands at the time, that's how i want to remember her.

"but you won't be like your mum em. you have a good family who love you so much, and we will be here for you whenever you need us. we wouldn't let you back away from anything without reason. especially your life," louis said, very seriously.

"i know."

i pulled him up to the end of the bed, so he sat next to me. we stared at the white wall across the room. it had a small chip of paint gone on the corner, the rest was all perfectly painted and even.

"i need to o out there and see them," i told lou, looking at the top corner and down to the bottom.

"are you sure?" he asked, protectively.

i gave him a small smile, not showing my teeth, and nodded. "i can't drop that on them and leave the suspense. it's like in those movies and it's so annoying," i laughed.

lou smiled, but still looked a bit worried. i looked at him, seriously now, "i'm not going to break down, or freak out, or run away. i promise," i said to him, holding out my pinky finger.

"okay," he said simply, locking his pinky with mine.

we stayed like that for about a minute, and i pulled my finger away awkwardly. "coming?" i asked, holding out my hand as i unlocked the door.

his big hand wrapped around my smaller one and i pulled the door open.


the boys and el were all standing/sitting where they were when i had my outburst 10 minutes ago. their mouths had returned to being closed, but their faces were still..worried? shocked? both..

it looked like none of them had said a word, but el and zayn who were talking quietly in the kitchen together. when i came out, they looked at me with encouraging (and supporting) smiles. i could feel all the boys staring at me as i gave a nervous smile in zayn and eleanor's direction.

i was at complete loss as of what to say, so i squeezing lou's hand nervously. luckily, he understood and spoke up. "so.. em wants to tell you, herself, about her eating disorder. she thinks that you may hate her-" all the boys faces quickly changed, and their mouths opened with objections, "-don't worry, i know you don't and i've told her that. but she wants to explain to you what's been happening," he said and i took a deep breath.

"please don't be mad at me for not telling you.." i started, looking anywhere but their faces. "i just.. i didn't know how. i couldn't quite understand myself, and obviously el and zayn.. and lou.. knew about it. i know that it looks like i'm playing favorites, but i'm really not, i swear. el and zayn were with me when i first found out, and i only told lou a couple of days ago. i didn't know how to tell you, i was going to tell you when i was better.. but obviously that didn't go as planned," i said, fixing my gaze on a cushion, near harry.

they didn't say anything, their silence telling me to continue, and i did. i told them everything.. finally.








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