adopted by one direction.

adopter-chapter 41

EMS POV



it's been four days and my 'black outs' or whatever they are, are getting worse and I've even thrown up more than once, harry and lou still havent talked, though lou hasnt really given harry a chance since he has been out. a lot. the last text i got from el was saying that she was 'fine' and nothing after that. none of us really knew what was going on.

the boys had been really busy with concerts and interviews now their tour has started again.

we all havent been in the same place for a while, except the concerts and interviews i tagged along to. Niall and sometimes Zayn are the only ones that have been around me long enough to have an actual conversation.

tonight the boys were all at a party for a one direction achievement or something, i don't really know, paul took them away a few hours earlier. zayn was the only one left here, because he was sick. we were in my room watching a movie off his laptop because harry and niall broke the dvd player..none of us really know how, since all we heard was a lot of laughing and different stories from both of them.

"this is so boring" zayn groaned.

"uh no!" i said laughing

i forced him to watch mean girls since it was one of my favorite movies. i think he liked it but was too proud and manly to admit it.

he smiled and i reached over for the can of soda zayn was holding.

"no im sick" he said moving it out of my reach.

"i dont careee! give it!" i said trying to reach over him "please?" i asked, batting my eyelashes.

"fine. if you get sick dont blame me" he said and handed me the can

"i wont. i have a killer sickness defense" i said trying to sound smart, and winked.

zayn laughed as i took a gulp. we werent paying much attention to the movie now.

"do you think that..people can like..relapse, i suppose, without trying to? like if they are in recovery and doing well..they still relapse..?" i asked failing at not being obvious.

"i dont know.. i suppose if its become something thats natural its going to be hard to turn it back around. is there anything you'd like to share?" zayn asked turning to me

i looked down at my feet. truth is, I'm scared that if i don't tell him that its going to get worse, worse as in as bad as the worst time, before. all i want to do is move on..im not that girl anymore, and I'm sure as hell that i don't want to go back.

"not really.." i said and fidgeted with my fingers.

'tell him. now'

all i could think was that i have to tell him. i can't keep throwing up in the dead of night and blacking out at any time. its how it got bad last time. and im not going back again. i just can't.

"em? are you okay? are you relapsing?" he asked.

i turned my head to look him in the eyes, then returned y gaze to my feet, but cuddled closer to him.

"if i tell you..can we just keep it between us? for now? i dont want to distract everyone and cause more drama and problems" i said biting my lip.

"of course angel, youre not causing problems or drama" he said and tightened his grip around me slightly

"for about a month-ish, now, ive been like..blacking out. at first i thought it was just because i was getting back to normal, and my body was just dealing with it by shutting off a bit. but then it started happening more, and more, and it got worse.

at first i could just kind of wake up from it, but it was getting harder to do that. i felt like i've been starving for days when id only eaten a few hours earlier. i didn't want to worry anyone so i didn't tell anyone. it kept on happening and then i thought it stopped about a week ago. it was the middle of the night and i was so used to waking up because i felt starving, but that one night i felt full. and then i puked. everything from that day was gone and i felt starving again. it was worse and worse and its like i cant keep anything down now. i dont want to be that girl that was controlled by ana or whatever anymore. everything was going so well and my life felt like it was finally ok. i cant go back to being..her. i like me now zaynie, and i dont want to go back to the way it was. i cant!" i said quite quickly, and two tears dripped from my eyes after i finished.

i thought for a second zayn might yell at me. hate me, be disappointed in me, for being that person again. but, he held my hand tightly, making most of my negative thoughts vanish

"why didnt you tell me sooner angel?" he whispered and looked at me

"i didnt want to be a problem..again"

"youre not a problem em" he tried to reassure me but, being me, i didnt buy it

"what am i going to do zaynie?" i asked him quietly, looking at his big hand gripping my small one.

"what are WE going to do" he corrected me, causing a small smile to appear on face.

"tomorrow we should go to the hospital, yeah? just to ask" he said looking at me for my agreement.

i nodded and he smiled. "it'll be ok, alright?"

i nodded again and cuddled closer to him. he shut the laptop, causing the room to go black completely.

"if you fall asleep here, you risk being woken up by the horrid sounds of my vomiting" i said with my eyes closed.

zayn laughed softly. "i don't mind. if you lucky i might even hold your hair back"

i smiled, and nuzzled my head further onto his chest, and fell asleep to him humming quietly.



*



i woke up, basically on top of zayn. i rolled off and pressed my hand to his forehead. he had a fever.

i carefully climbed over zayn and went out to the kitchen. i started looking through the drawer for panadol or some type of painkiller, when harry came out.

"hey haz"

"hey em"

"didn't hear you come in last night"

"oh, me and niall were the only ones that cane home last night"

"oh"

"things got kind of out of control. lou and el havent talked since their fight so lou got really drunk and then he started yelling at me all these things and he started crying after he tried to hit me. then i tried to take him home but he just wanted to go to el. so eventually liam took him to calm down and niall took me home" harry said and finished with a yawn.

"ohhhhkay.. wheres lou now?" i asked

"wouldnt have a clue," harry replied, acting as though he didn't care.

"are you going to apologize. or talk to him, at the least?"

"i dont know. he has to first, and maybe without being drunk"

i rolled my eyes.

"what are you doing today?" i asked, changing the subject.

"we gotta go to the arena at 11.30" he said, combing his hair back with his fingers.

"its 10.57 now" i said, after checking my phone. "do you wanna call liam and make sure him and lou will be there?"

"no. niall can when he wakes up. liam might try and make me and Lou talk"

"i wonder why" i said, rolling my eyes again.

i grabbed the panadol from in front of me, alone with the water.

"why do you need that?"

"zayn's sick. remember?"

harry just nodded, and i went back upstairs to zayn. he was awake when i got there.

"hey" i said, making him look up from his phone

"i was wondering where you went" he said smiling.

"was talking to harold" i handed him the tablets

"thanks" he swallowed them with a gulp of water. i took the empty glass and put it on my dresser

"liam just texted me about last night," he said, as i crawled over him, back under the covers

"and harry just told me. now he doesnt want to talk to lou all over again."

"i spose they might have to at the arena," he said and i nodded.

"are you gonna go?" i asked

"probably have to tonight."

"what about the rehearsals and stuff?"

he coughed dramatically "im sick. plus, im taking someone to the doctors, and then i want to take her for ice cream," he said winking

"sounds like a lucky girl," i said sarcastically, knowing he was talking about me.

"oh, she definitely is."








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