Love Shot

Chapter 16: The person I never thought I was

The next morning

5am

CARLOS'S POV

**Warning: Panic attack**

I couldn't sleep last night. At all. Dad tried to get me to sleep for a while but I only closed my eyes for 5 minutes when I jolted up to check my phone and look for any leads. I had all my soldiers searching for Astraea since the moment I saw her car speed away into the dark. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I could barely breathe knowing Astraea was out there, on her own, vulnerable, with nothing to defend herself. What if something terrible happened to her? What if she's hurt, physically? What if I never see her again? And I have no way of tracking her. We've been trying to locate her car but it's taking a while. She left her engagement ring and phone in the room so we can't use that.

I was suddenly desperate to get air in my lungs and a ringing sound traveled through my ears. A sharp pain shot through my chest. Breathing felt like something I've never done before. I felt suffocated and overwhelmed, like I was being held down as waves of panic and anxiety crashed over me with hopes of drowning me. My body tensed up and it was too hard to move at all. Another sharp pain made me sink deeper into the bed. My hands and feet felt numb. I tried to control my breathing but the control kept slipping. I was slipping. I am Carlos Angelo DeLuca. I do not have panic attacks over a girl. I don't fall in love. I don't leave people alive so that they can come back to torture me. I don't put my loved ones in danger. But here I was, doing all that.

I saw Lexi run towards me, grabbing my hands and trying to unclench them. I think she said my name but I could barely hear her over the ringing in my head. She helped me sit upright and gestured for me to follow her breathing. I tried my best and although I was still breathing heavily, I could hear her now.

Lexi: Carlos, listen to me. Pay attention to me and me alone.

I did as she said, trying my best to keep my eyes locked. With some more breathing exercises, I was able to breath normally again. The senses in my hands and feet returned. Lexi then pulled me into a hug and I felt too weak to fight back.

Carlos: She's not okay. She freaked out and said I didn't understand how she was feeling. And she's right. I don't know how it feels to be abused my someone who's supposed to love you. I don't know how it feels to kill your mother, especially if you've never killed before. I don't know what she feels. I'm trying to understand but she won't let me in. She won't let herself trust me. All I want to do is help her fix things.
Lexi: Maybe she doesn't need you to fix her problems. Maybe she needs you to hold her, let her vent, let her cry into your shoulder. You can't fix things like this. You can only make it more bearable. She's not looking for a solution. She's looking for someone to confide in.

I nodded. Lexi is right. I've been comforting her yes, but I've also been more occupied in trying to solve the problem for her. She's kinda against violence and I'm not exactly a passive person.

Carlos: Well then how do we find her?
Lexi: I'll take care of that. For now, you need to eat something.
Carlos: Did you forget I'm in charge?
Lexi: Well you've been and still are inactive since last night, and I AM second in command. Go and eat. That's an order.

I laughed and stood up. Lexi helped me and we went down to the kitchen. Lexi made me breakfast and left with some soldiers. I stopped eating when I heard the front door click open. And then Astraea walked in. I jumped up from my seat. She was also a mess. Her eyes were dull and red, and her skin was still pale. But I didn't care. No matter what she always looks beautiful. I basically ran to her and she met me halfway. I wrapped my arms around her and held her tightly.

Astraea: I'm sorry-
Carlos: No, I'm sorry. You were right. I don't understand half the things you go through. But that doesn't mean you can't talk to me. I'll listen when you want me to listen. I'll comfort you when you want comfort.