Sparks | A NeonxReader story

Chapter 42

Y/N P.O.V.:

It's been awhile since I had seen them. After what happened, I left, and I never went back. 

That was a month ago, and the empty feeling inside me had only grown worse. I didn't know what to do with myself. 

I didn't know what was happening in the fight anymore. I didn't know if they had won, or if they all died, I didn't know if they were trying to find me, or anything. 

After it all, I returned to the only place that I knew was 'home' for me. 

It had been burned down, but the remains were still there. I returned, and for whatever reason, I started to put it back together. 

I had gone through everything, in hopes of finding something that had survived, and unfortunately, only a cracked picture frame had been saved. Luckily the photo inside remained intact, and I felt like maybe I hadn't lost everything. It was a picture of my family, all of us, I was maybe six when it was taken. 

I tore the place down, and disposed of the burned wood and other things in there. Since I had nothing to do the entire time I was out there, I had made a lot of progress really quickly. The house was big, more like a small estate, and it took me awhile to tear everything down. 

I didn't know why I was doing this, but I didn't feel like doing anything else. I didn't want to fight anymore, because I couldn't even trust the people I was fighting with. 

I guess I was learning something in doing this. Even if something was 'shattered' it could still be fixed. 

I tore down this place and had started building it back from the ground up. I had also learned that it was easier to tear it down than it was to build it back, but some things were worth fixing. How that applied to my life, I didn't really think about. I just thought it meant something. 

It had been a month and they never found me. Neither Valorant nor the Omega world had found me, whether or not they were looking for me wasn't important, I knew that I hadn't been found, and that's all that mattered. 

But I was never happy. Ever since that day, any feeling of happiness, or excitement, or anything positive had vanished, and hadn't returned. The feeling of emptiness had grown worse, and I felt guilty for leaving the more and more I thought about it, which was every day. 

Whether or not they lied to me, I walked away from my obligation to society. I ran away from my responsibility, to protect the weak. The weak had no choice, all they could do was stand helplessly as they are relentlessly attacked by the strong. 

I made a choice to protect the weak because I was strong, but I walked away from that. What would happen to the innocent people of the world for me choosing to throw away everything? 

I didn't want to think about it, because it only reminded me of why I had left. I hadn't stopped thinking about it since I left. I understood why she did it, I truly did, but my mind refused to accept it. 

I could've done so much more, if I just had the strength. I had despised myself every day since I was ten because I had always failed to protect the ones I cared about. When people would ask my my name, I would never tell them, because my name was about as useless as me.

Sage's death was a direct result of that lie. No matter how much I didn't show it, I held nothing but respect for her. She didn't care about what I did, she would always help me get back on my feet. She was like my mother, kind and caring. 

'What would she think of me?' I asked myself. She had given her life for a cause, and she died protecting me, she died so that I could continue to fight.