TO LOVE A BROKEN MAN

2

                                 

      

The guard was already lurking as he parked his car and wouldn’t stop complimenting it, an indirect way of asking for money to look out for it so it wasn’t stolen or vandalised. He slipped the bouncer R200 to avoid standing in line with his crutch, it was Friday and people were usually eager for a good time and to squander their money.  
     
The music wasn’t so loud the last time he was here or maybe his ears were ringing because he was already tipsy. The entertainment on stage had a big bellied man waving a couple of R100 notes in the air.
     
“Shake that ass, girl!” he recited the lyrics as she got on her knees and started twerking, it was provocative how she moved her waist and thrust her hips to the beat, leaving her audience mesmerised as they showered money at her feet.
     
“What can I get for you?” asked the bartender.
     
“An hour in the champagne room with Lexus and please send us a bottle of Moët.” 
     
The bartender got a server to escort him past the velvet rope after paying and he chose the room at the end of the passage, they were all sound proofed but the further from everyone else the better. After a few minutes staring at the mirror ceiling and contemplating his tragic love story, Lexus walked in carrying an ice bucket with their Moët propped inside.
     
She put it on the table and dimmed the lights.
     
“I didn’t think I’d see you here again,” she said, sauntering towards him in a mesh dress that barely contained her stacked breasts. She was a beautiful creature and didn’t belong in a place like that.     
     
“I need you.” There was a hint of desperation in his tone.
     
She usually didn’t attend to clients with fetishes because they were often rude and didn’t pay well, but there was something different about him. His eyes carried a deep sense of sadness he could never mask with that cheesy smile.  
     
“Same as last time?” she asked.
     
“Yes.”
                                                              *********

     

Lwazi woke up to the sight of the most hideous curtains and a toddler staring at him, holding a packet of chips with no recollection of how he got there. Lifting his head up was met with resistance, the bright light streaming in made him dizzy and waking up with a stiff neck after sleeping on the couch didn’t help. He closed his eyes only to find the same curtains and toddler when he opened them again, and he felt nothing but disappointment that it wasn’t a dream.
     
Cocomelon was playing in the background and he knew the song would be stuck in his head the whole day.
     
“Peek-a-boo!” said the toddler, closing his squinty eyes.
     
His second attempt to get up landed him on the floor and his loud groan sent the toddler running out of the lounge while calling for his mother. She came in a hurry and helped him into a sitting position and he fought down the fleeting wave of nausea. He only knew her stage name because they always spent time together in the champagne room since he started going to the strip club she worked at, but their encounters never led to them spending the night together.
     
“Why am I here?” he asked, rubbing his eyes.
     
“You had one too many drinks and passed out, don’t you remember?”
     
He tried to remember something even the smallest detail that could shed some light but the fog was too heavy. He didn’t want to end up having a drinking problem cause he would be failing Khanya, but his pain was immense and occupied every inch of his mind and body.
     
“No, I don’t.”
     
“I’ll go get you some water and ibuprofen, you must be hung over.”
     
She was shy around him something he didn’t expect because at the club she assumed a different persona.
     
“No, I’ll have some coffee if it’s not too much trouble.” His voice was a low rumble
     
“Okay. I’m Amanda by the way and this is my son, Ofentse. I leave him with my neighbour when I go to work.” She felt the need to explain because it would be easy for him to judge her for being a stripper now that he knew she had a child, like everyone else did. 
     
Amanda suited her better than Lexus. She had short blond hair and freckles he never noticed because of the make-up. He had so many questions but mostly he wanted to know why she was in that line of work. Being curious wasn't good cause then he'd have to talk about his life story and sharing their feelings wasn't part of the agreement.
     
“I’m Lwazi.”
     
Ofentse came forward, staring at him like he was deciding if he could be trusted and he must have passed the test cause the little boy smiled as he waved at him.
     
“I’m 4 years old.” He raised his fingers. “How old are you?”
     
“I am 35.”
     
“I can count to a 100,” he said excitedly, lifting one finger to start counting.
     
“Not today, boy-boy, you’ll count for uncle Lwazi next time. Go and watch Cocomelon in the bedroom.” She unlocked her phone and gave it to him.
     
He could see the kitchen from the couch, it wasn’t a big apartment but it was clean. She filled the kettle with water and turned it on.
     
“I’m out of milk, do you drink it black?”
     
“Yeah, that’s fine. Where are my shoes? I want to go outside for a smoke.”
     
She set a cup and sugar on the tray. “You threw up on them so I left them in your car.”
     
He frowned, cigarette in hand. “Did I drive here?”
     
If he did that was reckless and he’d have no choice but to stop drinking with immediate effect.
     
“No, I did.”
     
Oh, that was better.
     
She put the tray in front of him and sat down. “What’s wrong?”
     
“I can’t seem to find my lighter.” He dug into his pockets and came up empty, it wasn’t in his jacket also but he found his phone and wallet.
     
“I think next time you go to the club you should ask for a different girl.”
     
“Why did I do something wrong?”
     
She sighed, shaking her head.
     
“Then what’s the problem?” Lwazi didn’t want anybody else because Amanda understood not to expect anything from him.
     
“I shouldn’t have brought you here because I’ve always kept my work and personal life separate in the interest of protecting my son, and now we’ve crossed a line we can’t come back from.”
     
“I’ll pay you more money or get you a better place and your son will have his own room and go to a good school.”
     
“So, you think I can be bought?”
     
The one assumption Amanda hated about her line of work was people thinking she didn’t want better for herself and Ofentse. It didn’t matter that she was studying towards a Psychology degree because they’ll always see here as a stripper. 
     
“I’m trying to help you.”
     
“I don’t remember asking you for help.” She fired back, glaring at him.
     
He grabbed his crutch which was up against the wall and got up. “I think its best I leave.”
     
“I don’t know what you’re going through but I can sense the burden you’re carrying. You can’t keep running away from your pain it will eat you alive and end up destroying you, Lwazi.”
     
She didn’t want them to part on bad terms, he was a good guy even though he spent most nights at the club than at home with his wife. 
     
“You’re right. You know nothing about me, and I hope I can count on you to not talk about what happened between us.”
     
“You don’t have to worry about that.”
                                                              ************

     

The slight cramps and blood on the sheets woke her up. She should’ve left hours ago but couldn’t resist staying for one more round, now the whole of Braam was about to witness her walk of shame. The listening party wasn’t all bad cause she met Lunga (at least that’s what she thought his name was) and forgot all about Theo, exactly how the saying went: ‘to get over a man get under a new one.’
     
Masika slipped out of his arms, if she had any doubts about his age last night that wasn’t the case as she looked around his bedroom. The mattress had no base, sneaker boxes were stacked against the wall and almost reached the ceiling, and there was a heap of dirty laundry in the corner next to the wardrobe and posters of half naked girls on his wall.
     
“Are you leaving without saying goodbye?” A teasing smile shaped his lips.
     
“No.” She held her skimpy dress in place because she didn’t feel comfortable  exposing her nudity even though he'd seen all of her. “I need the bathroom.”
     
“It’s the door on your left but knock first cause my roommate might be in there.”
He pulled the covers back and was shocked to see blood. “Yo, were you some kind of 30 year old virgin?”
     
“First of all I’m 29 and before you get a big head I was not a virgin, so have some damn respect.” She walked out of his room backwards and locked herself in the bathroom
     
She always kept a tampon in her bag for such moments and after a quick spin in the shower she was dressed and ready to go but the empty condoms in the bin had her storming back into his room instead of leaving undetected.
     
He was sitting on the edge of his bed, doing some bicep curls and admired his bulging muscles in the mirror on the wardrobe. 
     
“What the fuck is this?” She threw them at his feet.
     
“It looks like condoms to me.”
     
“I can see that, I’m not an idiot! I want to know why they’re empty because I didn’t consent to unprotected sex with you.”
     
He abruptly stopped his workout and put the weights down. “I didn’t rape you.”
     
Of course a rapist would say that.
     
“Yes, you did because you said nothing to me when you took them off. Or did you even put it on at all?”
     
This was a nightmare and a reason why hooking up with men like Lunga wasn’t worth it because they had no regard for women’s health and safety.
     
“Then why didn’t you tell me to stop? You got what you wanted and now you have the nerve to accuse me of rape when I didn’t force myself on you.”
     
Arguing about consent with a man was a waste of time, especially the type of men who believed women were at their disposal to do with as they pleased. It was naïve of her to think such a violation would never happen to her, this was South Africa after all. Getting an IUD was her saving grace for an unwanted pregnancy, but she’d still have to get tested because she couldn’t trust that he had a clean bill of health. 
     
“You will pay for what you did to me, I swear.”
     
He grabbed her hand as she was about to slap him and tightened his grip on her wrist. “What are you going to do? Report me to the police?” He laughed, throwing his head back.
     
“You’re hurting me.”
     
He was immune to the tears quickly filling her eyes because women always played the victim. “It will be my word against yours because you liked it and we both had a great time, why ruin it?”
     
She needed a second shower because his heated gaze made her feel filthy.
     
“Let go of me, I want to leave.” She couldn’t bring herself to look at him and his hold on her wrist made her uneasy.
     
“Can I call you later?”  
     
“Delete my number, I don’t want to see you again.”