TO LOVE A BROKEN MAN

17

                                

     

“Masika!”
     
Lefa’s gut-wrenching scream roused her from her sleep, still disoriented she waited to hear where it came from because it might have been a dream. Drinking water after their third bottle of wine saved her from a brutal hangover but her head still felt heavy and so did her heart, because she remembered everything about yesterday’s call with Lwazi/Anesu or whoever the hell she was talking to.
     
“Masika!”
     
It wasn’t a dream and realising it was real terrified her because there was no reason she could think of for that bone-chilling scream so early in the morning. She got out of bed and took her cell phone in case she’ll need it to call the police. They lived in a secure complex but anything was possible in South Africa.
     
Following Lefa’s harrowing cries, she found him sitting on the bathroom floor, holding Joi in his arms. In Masika’s eyes there was nothing wrong with the picture before her except Lefa’s tear-stained face.
     
“What’s wrong?” 
     
He took a shuddering breath to calm himself because he was too distraught to speak. She rushed to the kitchen and made him sugar water. He was still in the same position when she came back and so was Joi, which was unusual because he could never keep still for long.
     
She held the glass and helped Lefa take steady sips.
     
“What’s going on, is Joi sick?”
     
He shook his head as more tears seeped into his t-shirt and formed a wet patch.
     
“He’s dead, Masika.” His voice was barely above a whisper.
     
Haibo.
     
She took a closer look at Joi, his eyes were open and his now blue tongue was sticking out. He looked dead but she wasn’t certain because she’d never seen a dead dog before.
     
“What happened? He was fine yesterday.”
     
“I don’t know, he was already dead when I found him.”
     
If it were up to her they’d bury Joi somewhere in an open veld but she knew Lefa would want to do something more elaborate.
     
“We’re going to the vet, go get dressed.”
     
Lefa didn’t move from the floor in fact it was like he hadn’t heard Masika at all, he sat there, unblinking and drowning in his tears like he was in a trance. She let him be and called Demetrius to tell him they weren’t coming to his dinner anymore.
     
She settled for a pair of ripped jeans with a plain white t-shirt and an Ankara doek to hide her troublesome hair. Lefa’s dress was long and black and he also had a black Dior scarf wrapped around his head. The tote bag he was holding had Joi’s corpse inside because he wouldn’t let her put it in a refuse bag.
     
“Your phone is ringing,” he said, dabbing his eyes with a tissue. All that crying made his voice hoarse and his eyes were just about swollen. 
     
“I know. I don’t want to talk to him.”
     
Lwazi wasn’t one to give up easily because he sent a message after his call went unanswered.
     
Sorry I missed your call yesterday. Would you like to go out for drinks tonight?
     
One drink won’t hurt. Reasoned the voice inside her head and it has never steered her wrong so far.
     
“Hurry up. Our ride is here.” He got his shades on and didn’t want to be bothered with the world.
     
I can’t. My friend died.
     
She pressed send without checking the message.

     

Masika had to choose an urn for Joi’s ashes because Lefa was back to crying a river after the autopsy revealed the cause of death was his butt plug, she would’ve laughed if he wasn’t so distraught for killing his dog. Dr Kruger wasn’t very sympathetic as he explained how the butt plug got stuck in Joi’s throat and he choked to death, but he referred them to a reputable pet crematorium.
     
The process was quick but expensive since Lefa wanted an individual cremation and it wasn’t clear what he planned to do with the ashes. Masika was happy to leave when it was done because she was forced to re-live the day she had to do exactly this after Ruth died. She had Ruth’s ashes buried because she couldn’t stand the thought of seeing them every day, it was better that way.
     
The ride back home wasn’t cheerful, the first driver who came wouldn’t allow them to get in his car with the urn, because he believed the spirit they were harbouring will haunt him and ruin his business. It was the same story with this one but he changed his tune when Lefa offered to pay double.  
     
“Thank you for coming with me,” he said, squeezing her hand to get her attention.
     
“Of course. I know how much Joi meant to you.” She smiled.
     
“I still can’t believe he’s gone and it’s my fault.”
     
“Don’t do that.”
     
She couldn’t think of comforting words to say because losing a dog wasn’t the same as losing a mother.
     
Have you thought about what you’re going to do with the ashes?”
     
The driver raised his gaze to the rear-view mirror to keep an eye on them as he was suspicious they’d perform ungodly rituals with those ashes. He already thought they were crazy for having ashes in the first place.
     
“I haven’t thought that far yet.”
     
“That’s fine, we don’t have to talk about it now, we just might get kicked out and I’m not walking in this heat even for you.”
     
He looked about ready to start crying again and Masika hoped one day they’d be able to laugh about this.
     
“Are we still going to the Friendsgiving dinner,” he asked.
     
“No, I called and told him we won’t be coming anymore.”
     
He sighed, looking at their joined hands. “I can’t sit home all day and cry, Masika, that’s depressing.”
     
“I won’t stop you so you can go if you want to.”
     
His brows creased as he frowned. “You don’t want to go anymore?”
     
“I didn’t say that.”
     
“Okay. I’ll help you choose something to wear.”
     
She was happy to see him smile because losing Joi so soon after Nhleko walked out of his life like a thief in the night was a double blow.
     
They had to negotiate with the driver once more because he wanted to drop them off at the gate and make them walk under the beating sun. He was still grumbling about how he’d have to get his car cleansed when he pulled up outside their apartment and it didn’t matter to him that the ashes belonged to a dog.
     
Masika caught a whiff of his cigarette before her eyes located him, sitting in his car with the door open and Sjava keeping him company, and her heart skipped with extra vigour at the sight of his face.
     
“Who is that?” Lefa lowered his sunglasses to get a better look at him.
     
She couldn’t pull her gaze away from him, something potent had a hold on her and she ignored every warning bell going off in her head.
     
“It’s Lwazi.” She tried to act cool because inside she was an infatuated teenage girl ready to gamble with her heart.
     
“Oh, I finally get to meet the guy you’ve been talking to and I’m not impressed.”
     
“He’s Lwazi Buthelezi.”
     
Masika hoped Lefa would feel differently now that he knew Lwazi was from a ‘prominent’ family.
     
“Am I supposed to know who that is?”
     
She didn’t need enemies as long as Lefa was her friend because he worked overtime just to embarrass her.    
     
“All I’m asking is that you cut him some slack.”
     
“Even though he looks dodgy and I know you can do better.” He sounded like a disappointed parent after meeting her boyfriend for the first time.
     
“But the saying goes don’t judge a book by its cover.”
     
“When has that ever stopped me?”
     
A slap in the face probably will but there was no need to take it there because he’ll be the one helping her pick up the pieces when Lwazi does another disappearing act.
     
“Lefa, please don’t be like that.” She looked up at him with pleading eyes. His approval mattered to her and he knew that.
     
He sighed, slightly shaking his head. “You said you were done with him.”     
     
“I’m allowed to change my mind.”
     
“So, what changed your mind in less than 24hrs?”
     
Her gaze went back to Lwazi, that magnetic pull was hard to resist. He was still busy with his cigarette and didn’t seem in a hurry to join them. She couldn’t conjure up the right words to express her uncertain feelings because sometimes matters of the heart were complicated. If mjolo was simple Nhleko would still be in the picture and she’d be married by now with a kid or two.
     
“I don’t know.”
     
Really. Her subconscious rolled her eyes.
     
“For your sake I hope you’ll find whatever it is you’re chasing after.” He took the urn from her and put it in his tote bag.
     
“You’re leaving?”
     
“Yes.”
     
“I thought you wanted to meet him.”
     
“Not today. I’m mourning but you’ll be fine out here by yourself with him, right?”
     
He didn’t leave her much of a choice because he wasn’t exactly welcoming at the moment.
     
“Yeah.”
     
“I knew you wouldn’t be able to let go of some dick.” Lefa couldn’t resist that parting shot.
     
Breathe in. Breathe out. And just relax.
     
Masika repeated the mantra in her head as she walked up to him. He crushed his cigarette once he finished smoking and lowered the volume before getting out of the car. She noticed he wasn’t using the crutch anymore and his tall stature was more pronounced.
     
“Sawubona, Bonang.” He was clearly mocking her, using that tone.
     
Her pink nose ring was an extension of her child-like innocence and he was attracted to it because it was far removed from who he was therefore making it easy to get caught in her allure and forget about his troubles.     
     
“Don’t call me that, please.”
     
“Okay.” He tilted his head and smiled.
     
“When I gave you my address it wasn’t so you could stalk me?”
     
“I know but I called and your phone was off.”
     
“What brings you by?” she asked.
     
“I brought you flowers.” He reached through the window and grabbed them from the passenger seat.
     
She didn’t peg him as the romantic type because he failed to return a simple text.
     
“Why?” She made no move to take them off his hands because she wasn’t willing to accept flowers as an apology.
     
“I’d like to offer my condolences for the loss of your friend.”
     
“Oh, no, Lefa is fine but I can’t say the same about his dog.”
     
“Your message didn’t say anything about a dog.”
     
“Clearly it was a miscommunication.”
     
He lit a cigarette and took a long drag. “If you wanted me to come you could’ve just said so, there was no need for you to make up a story.”
     
“Please, don’t act like you’re doing me a favour.”
    
“Oh, but I must jump whenever you call like you don’t know I’ve been having a hard time with my father lately.”
     
“You have my number, why couldn’t you call to tell me that?”
     
He chuckled, flicking his cigarette. “Would you have told me then that you’re shacking up with another man?”
     
“Not that I owe you an explanation but Lefa is my friend.”
     
“I made a mistake coming here.” He tossed the flowers and got in the car.

"And stay the hell away from me because clearly you don't know what you want."

She was tired of the game Lwazi was playing with her emotions.