TO LOVE A BROKEN MAN

7

                                

     

He didn’t get the answers he hoped for from Kgomotso and that sent him on a downward spiral because it was the Nomusa situation all over again except this time he really wanted Khanya to be his. Taking a DNA test would make Kamo’s betrayal real and he would rather carry on with his life ignorant to the truth of her paternity. Losing her was hard enough but learning about Churchill made him question everything about their marriage.
     
Did she lie every time she professed her love for him just to keep the wool over his eyes?
     
Did she feel trapped with him because she couldn’t be with the man she truly loved, because why else would she keep his engagement ring? 
     
He might as well have been married to a stranger because he didn’t think Kamo would keep such secrets from him. 
     
He thought it would be wise to give Anesu space, so it was easier to approach him when the time came to have that tough conversation but it was crystal clear after their encounter the damage was irreparable and that was a double blow. 
     
He’s been driving for a while with no set destination in mind because he wasn’t ready to go home and have Nolitha fawning over him. She may have been right about Churchill and Kamo but that didn’t leave the door open for them. Yes, he slipped up by sleeping with her but it frustrated him that she couldn’t move on from the past.
     
Speak of the devil.
     
“Hello,” he answered.
     
“Where are you? I asked MaNkosi to prepare lunch for us.”
     
“I need to make a stop somewhere first.”
     
“It’s lamb curry, your favourite.” She tried to coax him.
     
Lamb curry wasn’t his favourite but it was no use telling her that because Nolitha always got her way.
     
“I’m not gonna be able to make it.”
     
“Why not?” Her tone was firm.
     
“Because I need space, Nolitha.”
     
“That’s not what you said last night when you fucked me.”
     
Eish! What has he gotten himself into sleeping with her? Now, his life was a lokshin bioskop and Nolitha was the main character and to hell with everybody else.
     
He sighed, taking out a cigarette and lit it as he made a U-turn because there’s no way he was going home now.
     
“Are you still there?”
     
“Yes,” he answered, coming to stop at a red light.
     
“I feel like you’re pushing me away.”
     
“Last night doesn’t change anything for me, Nolitha, it shouldn’t have happened and I’m sorry.”
     
She was afraid he’d say something like this because he didn’t think much of her since Kamo brainwashed him. She didn’t want to believe it at first but it was becoming apparent that he was still under Kamo’s spell, which was why she just couldn’t get through to him.
     
“What are you apologising for this time, Lwazi?” She almost screamed but losing her cool never helped because he would just shut down.
     
“I-I don’t know…everything.” He stuttered, caught off guard by her question.
     
Mxm. He could be useless sometimes.
     
“Don’t take too long because I won’t wait for you forever.”
     
He wasn’t falling for her tricks because if she was serious, she would’ve packed up and left yesterday already and leave him in peace.
                                                                ***********

     

He shouldn’t be here but staying away wasn’t as easy as he thought it would be so he was nervous walking up to her apartment. He stood outside the door, gathering his thoughts because Kamo’s infidelity threw him off the loop and he was afraid he’d never make it out of this dark place he suddenly found himself in.
     
She managed to make a fool of him when he would’ve laid the world at her feet and that was unforgivable in his eyes.
     
He didn’t wait long after knocking but the woman standing on the other side of the door wasn’t Amanda, and judging by the laughter floating through the open door he was about to walk into something he was not prepared for.
     
“Can I help you?” she asked, blowing at her painted finger nails.
     
She had such a big voice for her petite body and a radiant smile that naturally pulled people into her orbit. 
     
“I’d like to speak with Amanda, please.”
     
“And how do you know, Amanda?” She pinned her unflinching gaze on him as she assessed his crutch.
     
“We met at the club she works at.”
     
“Club?” Her lips presented a frown. “Amanda doesn’t work at a club.”
     
He unknowingly opened a can of worms, if the stunned look on her face was anything to go by.
     
“What kind of club are you talking about?” She seemed overly invested as it became apparent Amanda has a secret life.
     
“Is she here or not?” He was getting impatient with her stalling.
     
She tilted her head and pulled a sour expression. “I think you should leave.”
     
“It’s okay, Nosipho, I’ll take it from here.”
     
“Do you know him?” She jerked her head in Lwazi’s direction.
     
“Yes.”
     
But in that moment Amanda wished she didn’t because this was equivalent to stalking.
     
“Shout if he steps out of line.”
     
Nosipho got a bottle of sparkling wine from the fridge and an awkward silence descended after her departure. They had no chance of privacy because the living room was so close to the kitchen and they turned down the music to listen to their conversation. He got a glimpse of the other two women staring expectantly at them and the coffee table was turned into a makeshift manicure workstation with a cheese board set in the middle.
     
He felt slightly bad for interrupting her get-together but he had no one else to turn to because he was not ready to revisit the idea of therapy. Deep down he knew his therapist would confirm he was partly responsible for Kamo running into another man’s arms.
     
“What are you doing here?” she asked, closing the door behind her. She was not happy to see him but that was expected.
     
He dropped his gaze unable to maintain eye contact because the mounting anger in her eyes made him anxious.
     
“I needed to see you.”
     
“I made it very clear that we can never see each other again.”
     
“I can’t accept that. If you don’t want people to know then I’ll stop coming to the club.”
     
She stepped back as he tried to reach for her hand and the rejection stung.
     
“So, you think we’ll end up like Julian and Candace and fall madly in love after one lap dance?”
     
“Who are you talking about?” he asked, evidently confused.
     
Of course he’s never watched The Best Man.
     
“Argh, never mind. Just tell me, what the hell do you want from me?”
     
He sighed, scratching the back of his head. “I don’t know but I know that you make me feel better.”
     
“Mxm.” She rolled her eyes. “If engaging in sexual acts with a stripper makes you feel better then you have serious issues. Antibiotics make people feel better, you on the other hand need to get help.”
     
“Don’t say it like I’m crazy because I’m not. You think you’re better than me but your friends don’t even know what you really do for a living. It’ll only be a matter of time until your son is old enough to understand.”
     
“Hey! Keep my son out of your mouth.” She jabbed her finger into his chest. “You have the nerve to judge me while you’re busy cheating on your wife.”
     
“I’m not married.”
     
“So, you’re just going to deny it when I can clearly see the ring on your finger.”
     
“I don’t have a wife because she’s dead.” His voice trembled from the weight of his emotions. “And honestly I don’t know what to do.”
     
He was back at the funeral, helpless as he watched the coffin disappear into the open ground. He didn’t cry because it felt like it wasn’t happening to him but somebody else and unfortunately his state of denial didn’t last.
     
“I know this will be hard to hear but it’s not my job to make you feel better about losing your wife, Lwazi. I’m sorry for your loss, I truly am but I can’t get mixed up in your baggage. I have my own shit to deal with.”
     
She was right it was hard to hear but none of it was a lie he was just too stubborn to admit it to himself.
     
“I wish I’d met you at a different time.”
     
She cupped his face, smiling faintly. “I read a quote once. ‘Some people come into your life for a season, and some for a lifetime. Never mix seasonal people up with lifetime expectations.’ We weren’t meant to ride off into the sunset together and that’s okay because maybe this happened so that you can work on getting help and heal from your wife’s death.” 
     
“Do you really believe that?”
     
“Yes.” She nodded.
     
“Okay.” He sighed, blinking back tears. There was a glimmer of hope at the end of the tunnel but it wasn’t going to be an easy road.
     
“Good bye, Lwazi.”
     
The touch of her soft lips had him shuddering with need.
                                                               ********

     

It was late when Lwazi staggered into the kitchen and almost fell at his aunt’s feet, she was the last person he expected to find in his house and he sobered up at the stern look on her face.
     
“Sawubona, aunty.” The greeting came after a loud burp, as he went to the microwave and found his lamb curry waiting.
     
She sipped her tea, making that annoying slurping sound. “This is not how a mourning husband behaves and you know that.”
     
He didn’t need anyone to police how he chose to mourn his unfaithful wife.
     
“What are you doing here?” He lowered himself into a chair without falling on his face and stuffed a spoonful of the aromatic curry into his mouth. And MaNkosi didn’t disappoint as always.
     
“I came as soon as MaNkosi called me, what do you and Nolitha think you’re doing? You know you’re not supposed to be together.”
     
He frowned as her words sank into his buzzing head. “So, you hired her to spy on me?”
     
“Do you blame me? Because you didn’t waste any time falling back into your old sinful habits.”
     
“It’s not a sin when two people love each other, aunty.” Nolitha interjected, coming to stand next to him.
     
The condemning look on Sthembile’s face as she gazed at their joined hands was enough to obliterate them from the face of the earth.
     
“Hai suka wena, this is not love. It’s an abomination, your fathers are brothers.”
     
“We’re adults now you can’t tell us what to do.”
     
“We’ll see if you still feel the same way after I call your father.”
     
Nolitha gasped as dread crept in because she knew her father would blow the whole thing out of proportion, like he did the last time.
     
“Hawu, aunty, you don’t have to tell him.” She pleaded, squeezing Lwazi’s hand. His silence was worrying her because they had to present a united front.
     
“Then put an end to this madness and go upstairs and pack your bags, we’re leaving first thing tomorrow morning.”
     
“Cha, aunty, you can’t do this to me again.” She shook her head, eyes glazed with unshed tears.
     
He pushed the plate aside, his eyes hesitant to meet her pained expression. “She’s right, Nolitha, you need to leave.”
     
“Finally one of you has seen the light.”
     
She snatched her hand away from his grip. “What?! You’re dumping me, Lwazi?”
     
“You know this wasn’t going to work and what’s the use of staying together only to end up miserable.”
      
“Fight damn it!” She wasn’t going to let him pull the rug from under her feet, this was supposed to be her happily ever after but only she could see that vision.
     
“I don’t want to fight, Nolitha, not for this.” His head was hung low as if he was ashamed of her.
     
He broke her heart beyond repair and there was coming back from it.
     
“You’re still choosing that bitch over me after what she did to you?”
     
“Don’t call my wife that.” His tone carried a hint of warning.
     
Nolitha laughed, mockingly. “She knew all this time that Khanya wasn’t yours and said nothing. And you still want to continue raising another man’s child? You’re pathetic, Lwazi.”
     
“Ini?!” Aunty Sthembile’s jaw hit the floor.