Guided by Love // a ziam fanfic (on HOLD)

twenty eight

"Are you sure you're okay to be by yourself right now?" Liam asks, worry in his eyes. I smile and let out a light laugh. "Of course Liam. It's been a week since that night, my wounds are all better and I feel absolutely great." I say.

Liam shakes his head, a smile still on his lips. He says, "Well except for you're cold," I inhale through my nose an over exaggerated and let out a completely fake cough. "I'm so so sick Doctor Payne!" I sigh dramatically. Liam laughs and presses his lisp to my forehead. "Okay, baby. We'll be back in an hour, two tops," Liam says.

"Okay, now just go to the party and have a lot of fun," I say. Liam nods, kisses my forehead once more and walks out the door to the car where Louis and Harry and screaming his name. Before walking out the door he turns and looks at me with a smile. He puts his hand flat against his lips and blows a kiss to me. I pretend to catch it and put my hand to my lips.

Liam smiles and turns, closing the door behind him. I sigh, relax back onto the couch and continue watching the show Doctor Who on the television.

About half way through my third episode, I get up and heat up a bowl of soup that Harry had made last night. As I wait for the soup to be hot, I sit on the counter, dangling my feet and humming along to an unknown song.

When the microwave has twelve seconds left, a knock on the door sounds. Curiously I jump off the counter and walk to the door. I open it and see a woman standing at the door step. Her black hair is plastered wet on her face from the rain and her blue eyes stare intently at me, as if in awe. She looks quite young however much older than me.

"Can I help you ma'am?" I ask.

"Zayn?" the woman asks in too familiar of a voice that I back away from the door slowly. "Zayn, how-what happened to you. Can you- can you see me?" the voice asks. The woman is about to step in the house when I find my voice.

"Don't Jules," I muster.

Jules stops in her tracks. "I can't believe this," she whispers loudly to herself. "You can see- how?" She asks in amazement.

"I don't want you here Jules, please just go," I say and hold the door. Slowly, I edge it closer to being shut. "Zayn, this isn't how you treat your mother," Jules declares.

I stop immediately.

"You aren't my mother. You know why? Because my mother would support me no matter what I do and what I am. She would support who I love and who I am. Not shame me and send me off to a facility where I can get physically tortured!" I scream, forgetting about the door. The thunder booms and almost instantly, the drizzle of rain turns into a downpour of water.

"You have to understand Zayn. I've changed over these-"

"You can't change" I snap.

"Yes, I love you Zayn. Please listen to me," Jules begs, her voice emotional. But I don't buy her act.

"Why the fuck should I listen to what you have to say?" I sneer.

"Because I have found someone," Jules says quietly, I almost don't hear her. "Great, you found a new man who you can just fake love with. Thanks for the news Jules. Now please go," I say and grab the door and start to slam it. But Jules stops it inches before it getting slammed.

"I think I love her, this new woman I have found. I think I love her," Jules says.

I freeze. I slowly open the door and step aside.

"Let's talk," I whisper. Jules thanks me quietly and steps in. She stands on the rug, shivering.

I close the door behind her. I trudge to the hallway closet and get her a towel, which she gracefully takes when I hand it to her. She drapes it over her shoulders.

"Nice place," she comments softly.

"Thanks," I say. I look around. I do love Harry and Louis' flat. It's nice and cozy.

"You can sit on the couch, just make sure you don't get the couch too wet," I say. I walk into the kitchen and pull out two mugs. "Tea?" I ask. I get a positive response.

Once I'm done, making Jules' tea just how she likes, I carry the mugs to the living room, hand the mug to Jules and take a seat in the recliner with my blanket, holding my mug with two hands.

I take a sip as Jules does also. She studies me carefully.

"How does it feel to see?" she asks.

"No, I'm asking the questions right now." I say firmly. Jules nods. "You met a woman?" I ask.

"Yes, her name is May." Jules says. "We met at the library. I was looking for a book, a book actually concerning sexuality, and May happened to be volunteering that day. She helped me find my book. Her smile was what I noticed first, then her voice, the way she made every word important and just, I can't explain how I felt but I ended up asking her to coffee. That was about a month ago. We're happy right now, I mean, I know it's too early to say I love her but it's how I feel."

Her eyes sparkle and a smile dances on her lips as she talks about May. I can just see how much Jules fancies May. "She's just, I don't know how to explain it but she's just-" "She's what you've been missing," I finish her sentence. Jules looks up at me and smiles. "Exactly. She's what I've been missing."

I genuinely smile because I'm happy she is happy with someone. I honestly would be happy for her if she fell in love with a male also. I still care for her, even after what she has done for me, although I wouldn't admit that out loud. 

"I would like to meet May," I say. Jules gives me a soft smile. "I would love you to meet her." she replies. "Can I ask a question now?" Jules asks after a moment of silence, her eyes meeting mine. "I have a couple more for you," I say. Jules nods, her eyes guilty. "How did you change so quickly?" I ask.

"People can change quickly in a few weeks," Jules says with hope in her voice, "Please Zayn, understand that," She reaches forwards, as if she wanted to put her hand on my knee like she has always done to comfort me. But I freeze and shift my leg. She hoovers her hand for a few seconds, almost as if in shock that I dared to move from her touch. 

"I'm not fully convinced, I'm sorry Jules. You turned against me, your own child. How am I supposed to forgive you just because you say that you have fallen in love with a girl," I say. I can feel the tears coming on. I get emotional talking about this: Jules. I can't even talk about Jules with Liam without bursting into tears and now here I am in front of Jules talking to her. Inside, I am sobbing, freaking out and screaming. 

"I understand Zayn, I wouldn't trust me if I were you," Jules says sadly. "So why should I trust you, right now?" I question. "Because, I care about you Zayn, and I know you still do. You wouldn't have let me in if you didn't," Jules says, "I know you Zayn. Your heart is big, too big for a normal person. Please just trust me," 

"I want to meet May first. I'm sorry Jules, but I can't do any of this without seeing this for myself," I say. Jules smiles. "Of course, tomorrow at around nine? At the cafe a few blocks away," Jules says, her voice relieved. I nod and agree. 

"I would love for you to bring Liam, if he wants to come, of course," Jules says. I nod as well and agree on Liam's behalf without thinking. 

"Now can I ask how you can see now?" Jules says, concern in her face. "I just had surgery," I reply. 

"But I thought-" 

"I did too. But it turns out, there was a way. I was part of the doctor's experiment," I say. Jules smiles, her eyes now shining with tears. She nods and quietly says, "That's great Zayn. I'm happy that you're happy and healthy,"

"I'm happy that I'm happy too," is all I can reply. Silence creeps between us. Jules stands up, leaving her un-sipped tea on the table. "I should go," she says. I nod and walk her out. 

I don't hug her. I don't say anything but a 'see you tomorrow' when she walks out into the rain. She looks back once, smiling, waving and then turning away. I shut the door. I sigh, turn my back to the door and slide down it. I hug my knees close to my body, lay my head in between them and let out a sob. 

She came back to me. She accepts me. I am accepted.