Guided by Love // a ziam fanfic (on HOLD)

ten

(Zayn's POV)

The car ride is silent. And I know silent is probably not a good thing.

"So, what happened back there?" Jules asked, her voice cool.

"Um, I'm not really sure myself," I reply quietly.

More silence.

"Zayn," Jules asks soothingly.

I hum in response.

"I want you to know that whatever made you decide to be gay, will be figured out and we will get you fixed, okay?" Jules says and I can feel her glancing at me.

How dare she say that.

"It's not a decision," I mutter under my breath.

"What Zayn?" Jules asks. She heard me. I know she did. She just wanted me to say it again. It was a dare, a challenge, to see if I would repeat what I had just said.

"I said that being gay is not a decision. A-and it's not some kind of disease." I say louder, stuttering a bit. I turn to face her to get my point across. I was mad.

She laughs and rubs my shoulder but I flinch away from her and lean closer to the window. I feel the car slow down; we must be at the flat.

"You see this is what we are going to get fixed; this idea that being gay is okay and that it can't be changed. Don't worry honey, you will be back to normal in no time," she says sternly and then gets out of the car. She then slams the car door shut to get her point across.

I'm left speechless sitting in the car. Not like I really have a choice though. Cars are hard to get out of for me. But back to what really matters.

Jules' thoughts on my sexuality.

How could she say that?

Being gay is not a decision.

It's how I was born. It's part of me. I can't cange a part of me.

And how could she just laugh it off? Just walk away and not even think to look at the other side of the conversation. My side.

And she thinks it is some kind of disease that you can just cure? That's such bull shit!

Then my door opens and Jules helps me out of the car. I grab my walking stick and then she closes the door.

We walk up the driveway, Jules supporting and guiding me to the house.

"I'm making some chicken tonight. Your favorite," Jules says and rubs my arm.

I try to pull away from her but she just grabs my arm tighter and pulls me closer to her.

"Uh yeah, thanks, I'm just kind of tired and stuff," I say dully as I step up to the front porch of the flat.

She opens the door to the flat and I shake her off of my arm to walk in, waving my waking stick in front of me back and forth.

As quickly as I can, I make my way up the fifteen steps of stairs and into my room and close the door. Then I walk to my bed and fall face down, exhausted with my thoughts and emotions.

I never would have thought Jules would just be in such denial about having her, so called son gay. She barely knows me anyways and she thinks that bringing me to a doctor is going to change how I was born?

Change who I am?

I can't help the feeling I get when I hear Liam's voice or feel his touch or feel his eyes linger on me.