Live To Love You Freen&Becky Kathy&Lina

She sacrificed herself

ATTENTION: Emotional content 

In the previous chapter.

Kathy tells Becky and Freen what happened that day and why Roma and Nel died. They loved each other so much and couldn't live without each other. But they are forever together anymore. 

---------------

Freen's POV

-There was and still is only one line stuck in my head 

Don't worry, I will be fine

Don't worry, I will be fine

Don't

Worry

I 

will 

be

fine

DON'T WORRY, I WILL BE FINE

She was not fine, she never got to be fine again, she was not fine, they just took all of it, with her life they took everything, they took Nel's life, they took our lifes, they took every single girls life who was here at that time.

Nothing, nothing ever, not the time, not the people, change anything, nothing brought us back to life, we all became walking deads, just living because its the only way, because i just can't give them the last thing what i have left with. 

They took my Lin... she got married to the minister's oldest son, and ... and ... you will ask why am I still living? Well, I don't know, I don't know, I am asking me the same question every single morning and evening, looking at the mirror, asking myself why am i keep going from one day to another, why? when my whole life have no meaning, when there is literally no one in this entire world who cares about me, like really cares, at least physically, cares to make me food, or make my clothes clean or clean with me, or just be like ¨hey, you are home¨... 

...home, haah, what is that right? What the fuck is that? Home? I have never been able to have that feeling... just for couple of days, and that is even more painful, when you are finding out the feeling, it's harder, because you know now what to miss, like if you never tried a food, you don't know if you like it or not... they took my favourite food away, my home, my reason.... you know when you are far from someone, or something, like your home, city, during the time you are starting missing it, them, you wanna go back, you wanna see the person like crazy, you are thinking about them day and night, every second, when you wake up you think if they are also already awake or not, when you eat you are worried if they have already aten, when you go to sleep you will be worried about them and you will fall asleep thinking about them, and wou will even dream about them while you sleep and you will wake up and your first thought is THEM. But then the time is going, months are passing, years are passing, and you still love the person, or you still miss your home, but the feelings are dull, foggy, you know that you love them, miss them, YOU KNOW, but you don't feel it, you just know, so you are starting living your current life as it is, in a new home with new people, new love, new feelings, making new memories... 

...that never happened to me... I was waiting and waiting, praying and hoping, manifesting the moment when my feelings would get numb too, when i would be able to experience new feelings, when i would be able to recover and be putted back to play this game too... But that moment never came, I stayed the one who is watching others play the game, who doesn't have a controller, who is not even interested in the game, but still is in the room...