Live To Love You Freen&Becky Kathy&Lina

Please, understand me

The way home. The time has changed, it's going not like before, it's like time has slowed but at the same time quickened also, it is still 11 o'clock in the morning, but so many things have happened during past hours, my brain is having troubles to accept everything what has happened. I'm now siting in the car, my body is here, but I'm not, I'm still in front of that gates, on the cold asphalt, I'm still thinking how to get into that house, I'm still repeating the whole morning and cursing myself that I let her go, why? why? why we acted so stupid and just agreed to go with them, why we just didn't run away when we had the chance, why we didn't hide and get lost. All this and many more questions are just eating me from inside, but I can't change or do anything anymore. All I do now is sitting in the car, crying my eyes out, I'm emotionally in so much pain that my body is aching too. My heart is ... it's not in my body anymore... just emptiness, my heart is also there, in front of that house, waiting for its owner to come pick it up, but she is locked... SHE IS LOCKED.

-BecBec, please stop crying,- my father softly rubbed my shoulder.

- You don't understand me

- I do.

-NO, NO, you don't know them, they will ... AAAAAAAA

-Becky, please, calm down, we will find a way.

- A way? WHAT WAY? WHAT WAY? You said by yourself, no one can help her. 

- I will speak with some people, we will come up with a plan to help Freen.

- Dad...

-Yes,- he stopped the car, we were already at home.

-I can't live without her, please, I beg you, understand me.

He took a deep breath and sighed loudly. 

- I know, and ... 

- Why are you sitting there?- my mom knocked the window and we both got out of the car.

-Mom,- I tried to hug my mom but she took a step back and I just froze in my place, a cold goosebumps rain ran all over my body, and ended in the back of my neck. I was just looking at her, taking deep breaths and trying to open my eyes as wide as it was possible to stop my tears from going out of them, but unsuccessfully.

- What took you so long?- she shifted her attention to my father, and walked back inside the house.

I stood there, not knowing what to do. My mom, my mother, all this time I was till thinking about her and in my head and heart i had already forgiven her, thinking that it must be very hard for a parent finding out that their child is gay, or just different from everyone. I was thinking that she just need a time, time to understand, to fight it maybe, to deny, to protest against it, to reject, but then accept it, I was hopping that if I had enough power in me to forgive her, she would have it too to accept me. But this, this was my worst nightmare, all this morning is my worst nightmare, and it's all real, too real, I can't even breathe between episodes of my nightmare. 

-BECBEEEC,- I saw my brother running down the stairs with opened arms to hug me, and I also lowered my body and opened my arms to take him into my hug, but when he was almost in my arms, my mother just stood between us and took him from his arm and walked inside...

-Haven't I warned you about this?....

I looked at my father and he just shook his head.

-Lets go inside Becky, but don't be scared okay? I won't let anything bad happen to you.

-What do you mean dad?

We entered the house and even bigger shit was waiting me inside, but like for real.