Live To Love You Freen&Becky Kathy&Lina

Please love me

Becky's POV

I was hardly holding myself anymore. My head was exploding, I was trying my very best to stay in one reality, to keep my mind awake and to coop with the situation. I was still trying to understand what has happened, how we all were here and where was my family. And now Freen is crying and sobbing in a try to explain me what happened there, but all I can see, is she in so much pain, she is so ashamed she can't talk about what happened, and I don't know what I should do to make her feel better, feel safer and not afraid of my reaction.

-Bec... I... had no choice... I thought it... it was the best way... I am sorry... - she was sobbing insanely, and I was rubbing her back slowly. I know that this is so heavy for her, but she needs to let it all out, to be free from it, so I was just trying to comfort her physically and give her the time she needed.

-Freen, please look at me, - I held her face in my hands and tried to look into her eyes, but she immediately closed them.

-I can't ...

- My Freen, my Sarocha girl, I can't understand what happened, but I know that it is not going to change anything inside me for you. I am going to love you, still, always. I can see it is bothering you so much, so let it out and be free, don't be scared, I promise, I won't judge you.

-I touched him... - she said it very quietly, quieter than whisper, I barely heard it... but I did.

I just jumped out of the bed, I don't know what kind of snake bit me, but I lost control. I know, I know, I promised her not to be angry, or that I won't react bad, but I can't control myself right now.

-Bec... - she stood up, her eyes were red from crying, she was looking at me with sorrowful and guilty look, and I was just frozen. I didn't know what to do, I was hating myself for being like this, but... she came closer to me and tried to hold my hands, but SHIIIIT, Becky, wtf are you doing, I just did a half step back, - yeah, no, don't worry, I understand, and I totally deserved... I was, I am still disgusted with myself, although had washed my hands like million times....

She raised her palms and... aaaayh stupid, you are stupid Becky... her palms were all in small cuts and very red...

-Freen...

-No, no, I knew it... hnmmh... maybe if he would have r#ped me, it would have been easier for you to forgive me... stupid me...

-No, NO, Freen, please d...

-Rest, Bec, I will come to you later... - she left, she left, she left...

What is wrong with me. Becky, what are you doing?

I just fell on the floor, everything inside me is fighting me, against me right now, I'm fighting with me right now, I can't understand myself. I ... it is nothing, nothing, she touched him, so what, I was ready for even worse things, but... no, I guess I wasn't ready at all. What is this feeling, my heart is aching, and I don't know how to fix the situation.

I need to speak with her, she needs to know that I am not angry, I am just... Just... I don't know what is happening with me... I don't know what this feeling is...

I got up, cleaned my tears a bit and wanted to go find her, but when I opened the door I saw her: sitting in front of the door, on the floor, hugging her knees, and crying, crying badly... that day from conversion centre came back to my head, she, standing in the bathroom and crying just like now, and I remembered the feeling I had then, I was so jealousy and angry then, not understanding why was she kissing a guy. Then I understood that she had no choice, and she was doing it so we could see each other... but now...

-Freen, - I kneeled in front of her, - lets go inside, please.

-You go, don't worry about me, - she was talking in between sobs, and I couldn't hold myself either.