New beginnings p2

Chess game

I'm looking back at all those days of uninhibited laughter, and playfulness on my part. Seeing it now, I feel naive.
I see restraint in your actions. And your tendency to control the way in which you're perceived.

I wonder where that desire came from? If there's anything I should've done. I told you plenty of times that you were enough. Exactly what I was looking for.

I suppose I wasn't what you wanted?
I tried to be mature when the time called for it, and playful through the rest. I never held back my thoughts and showed you my complete unfiltered self.

Through time that changed however.
I realized if I didn't add filters, then words I said could be spun for an alternate agendas. I realized maybe telling you everything was not as safe as I had previously thought.
I still laughed, but everything was thought-out. The simple joy and love we had was exchanged for a chess game. Neither of us wanting to rock our sinking ship.
I feel naive for loving so hard. I feel naive for staying so long. For thinking you would be the best I'd ever have. For thinking no one would love me for all of me like you.

Ig now I see your perspective: your restraint.
But, it's not easy playing this game.
I wish you would've allowed yourself to be imperfect with me. I would have loved you the same and cherished every moment. I wish you could laugh the way I did. Smile with your teeth for once rather than that practiced expression. It hurts to say, but I hope you find that level of love in someone else.