It's gross how when you cry you feel it in your ears haha. Wtf. Ah I wonder if it's just that time of the month depression or if my self worth really just took a dump. Lowkey feels like every month just wanna give up. Again and again and again.
It's actually amazing how fast my walls can go back up recently. My protection from this cruel world haha and my apparent inability to thrive in it. It's hard and I wanna just run to someone. Ya know like in movies or whatever. But I realized that's also my issue. Reliance in others. So I've learned to internalize everything, Overanalyze, keep my truth close to my vest. But sometimes people try to dig their way into how I actually feel. And I will lie cuz they can't take it. If I tell them it'll just hurt them. And what's the good in that. Which why I feel like if I really do just go away it can be over. A somewhat conclusion to a pointless existence.
I feel like genuinely it should be a choice. What's the point of living a life you don't want to. Just surviving by your nails and for what? Not that I am but my brain can drive me insane. Haha.
Yeah bad habit. Laughing when I'm actually crying or breaking.
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