I feel as though if I cut out the certain people in my life I'd finally achieve real happiness. Perhaps setting those boundaries would represent my security and sureness. I thought I was a good person for staying around and loving them despite red flags. I realize I should've just looked at the facts and put my foot down more. I would've been doing us both a favor. And perhaps things would have been different. Perhaps they felt allowed to keep testing the extreme because I wasn't firm enough. So when it all came to a head and blew up in my face i had a role to play in that. Perhaps that is also why I do not resent them as much as I should.
I have been happier these days. I laugh whole heartedly, I smile randomly, I sing again. All pure expressions of my joy and yet I still remind myself that I'm doing the right thing. Putting myself first. Everyone else in my life is happy for me. They encourage it and prefer the new over my old. I just wish selfishly that my happiness could have included them. That I would also get to see them succeed and been by their side.
But as I've said many a time perhaps I am not the person to do that. And if I'm not do I really want to watch as someone takes my place. (Not really)
YOU ARE READING
New beginnings p2
De TodoA chance to self discover and explore the inner dialogue that will help define my future self.
