PAYBACK IS A BITCH

Chapter four: She is a perfect ten

It had been a month since I caught Billy with his secretary and forgave him. The secretary is gone, and now Billy has a new secretary. His new secretary is an older woman with seven grandchildren, great grey hair, friendly and chatty, and zero sex appeal so that Billy won't be screwing her.

That is a tremendous positive.

As for things between us, it is a little tiring. We have tried to return to normal, but it hasn't been easy. I mean, we haven't been able to have sex, and it is not from Billy's lack of trying.

The fault lies with me and my inability to forget what I saw in his office. I have tried to get the image out of my mind, but whenever he tries to touch me, it is all I can see, which kind of puts me off.

I can't talk about this with anyone, not even my best friend Gloria, because I don't want people to know that Billy cheated on me.

That will ruin the image we have cultivated in this neighbourhood as the perfect couple.

Billy has been patient with me, but I can see that it is beginning to frustrate me, and it scares me that he might go out again looking for something that I am not able to give him.

How do I conquer my anxiety of his betrayal and get back to normal?

I can't answer that.

Seeing a shrink is out of the question. Billy has also suggested we see someone, but I shut him down quickly without even giving it a second thought.

One, I am not crazy; I am just finding it difficult to get past his infidelity. I can't entirely agree that it is my fault he cheated, even though he seems to think so. Second, I am not telling a total stranger about my marital affairs.

That is out of the question.

These are words from my mother. If you have issues in your marriage, deal with them within yourself; don't ever involve a third party.

Maybe it is already too late because a third party caused the problem we are having now.

Anyway, Billy suggested a family outing—a trip to the beach —to get us out of the house and have some fun. He thinks it might help me relax.

I am willing to try anything to help the awkwardness between us. I don't like the way things are between us, and I am willing to see a therapist.

It's a good thing the weather this Saturday morning is perfect for the beach. It's sunny and hot, but not too hot. It's the middle of July.

My friend Gloria and her family are coming along. I told her about the outing yesterday evening when we met for a drink, and she invited herself along.

It was supposed to be family, but I didn't want to be rude.

We will be going in their car, which is more spacious. It is a minivan that her husband drives. Her husband is into construction. He owns his own company and sometimes works with Billy.

Billy uses him when he has a house to renovate.

Our families have been friends for years.

"Guys, come down already! Or the day is going to get away from us!" I yelled up to the kids. Billy had taken the food I packed outside, and I was waiting for the kids to come down so we could leave.

Gloria just texted me that they are ready and waiting in the car.

"I don't want to go to the beach!" Sophie yelled back, just as I heard footsteps on the stairs. It was David and Josh.

I was about to respond to Sophie's obstinacy when I saw Josh and what he had on.

He looked like a young rapper, wearing dark glasses, a backwards-facing cap, three-quarters baggy jeans, a sports shirt over a long-sleeve round-neck T-shirt, and sneakers.