PAYBACK IS A BITCH

Chapter thirty one: He did it again

How do I answer this? Clearly he could see what he is holding in his hands which means he wants more than just the name of the pills in his hand. Being sarcastic by saying you know what it is, or isn't it obvious will definitely make this conversation a very unpleasant one. Maybe an excuse will work.

"Can we talk about this when it is not the middle of the night?" I made sure to sound very sleepy and tired saying the words. The little space between his bushy eyebrow curled up, with a displeasure and the hard glint in his blue eyes told me he was determined to have this discussion now. Should have know he will not let this go just because I said I wasn't up for it. Billy is like a dog with a bone when it comes to things like this, and having to explain my reason to him is the reason why I made sure I hid the damn pills at the back of the cabinet. Should have hidden it better.

Maybe throwing him a question would give me time to come up with something he would accept and not probe further. "How did you find the pill?" I didn't mean to sound accusing, but that is what my tone communicated to him and he didn't like it one bit. The furrow between his brows deepened further. It was clear he didn't like me questioning him like he is a thief.

"I was looking for the aspirin bottle for my headache, and you are deflecting," he said through a clenched teeth, and then moved his frame off the door way towards the bed. He sat on it, the angry expression on his face gone to be replaced by a patient one, a one of understanding that I could see he is struggling to keep.

"Do you not want kids?"

Hell no, my mind didn't waste a second spitting out this answer. When I started on this journey I knew I could never allow kids between us because that will complicate things massively. I maybe wavering on what to do with Billy but that doesn't mean I have changed my mind about the kids.

"Do you? I would have thought 3 will be enough for you?" I kept my expression blank, making sure that I didn't give anything away with my expression. Billy's sharp eyes were intent on my face probing searching, anything that will give him a clue about what my lips aren't saying. He looked away from me to answer, his expression one of regret, sadness and pain.

"I want lots of kids. Isla wouldn't have another because how much she suffered with Sophie---"Was that why you cheated? I held the words back, because he would wonder why I cared so much---and Kate, my toes curled at the mention of her name, well you know what happened with our kids." You have no belated idea how much I know. "So yes, I would love to have more kids. You?" His expression went back on me, hopeful, and pleading for me to give him something acceptable, but I couldn't.

"I am sorry Billy, but kids are not on the table for me." The tone of my voice made it completely clear that my mind was already made up and there is no changing it, but he still tried. "Aren't you willing to consider it, at least think about it?" His tone was pleading, his eyes begging.

I wasn't in the mood to listen, and I needed to sleep. "I am sorry Billy, but can we talk about this in the morning, I am really tired," I drew down my body, turned away from him and then pulled the covers over my body effectively ending the conversation. I felt him watching me, but I held my body still pretending that I have gone to sleep. He exhaled deeply and got to his feet. "Alright, we will talk about it in the morning." And he walked away.

We never did talk about it in the morning because when I woke up Billy was gone and in his place a folded piece of paper. I picked up the paper, flipped it open and read the content. He is out of town on a business trip, he will be back in a week. There was no I love you, or any words of affection, the letter felt so clinical and empty, like it was addressed to an employee, instead of his wife.

Was he mad at about our conversation last night, and this is his way of letting me know. Of course he is mad. The question is how do I fix this? I don't care if Billy and I have issues, just don't want the kids to know that we are fighting. I picked up my phone and rang him. I rang him thrice before he picked up. He didn't speak when he picked and just breathed into the phone. It was obvious he was sulking. Billy can be a baby at times.