Hidden Love

Chapter 15

*Oliver*

I was up scrolling through instagram when I got a text from Ryan. Its so sweet of him to text me this late at night. It makes me happy to know that I even have him. When I tapped on the message I read "Heyy Oli ;)". It made me smile. So I replied with "Haii :)". For some reason, I feel so safe with Ryan. He makes me feel loved. Its like I matter with him. He's given me a reason to keep fighting in life. I am so lucky to have him because one, he's sexy as hell, and two he could have anyone else, but he picked me.

Its hard to believe because when I was younger, maybe a few years ago, I was taken advantage of. Several times, by the same guy. A guy that I put all of my love into. I put everything I had into him and he always gave off the feeling that he cared about me. I thought he really did. I believed it, and he made sure I did. I trusted him with every bit of my being. He was a little older than me. But it wasn't drastic. It was a year or two. His name was Adam. He was a sweet guy, who turned out to be a terrible person. He touched me. In places I wasn't always  comfortable with, at least not the first time. I liked it. But sometimes he was rough when I said no. After a while I just let him do it. This went on for a while. He always came to my house and hangout. We would kiss a lot. He would put his hand down my pants, and then I'd just... let him do what he wanted. He didn't stop, he kept going. I tried to get him to stop, but I didn't mind it sometimes, but there was once he did it when I had another friend over, he was watching TV, but he still did it, I let him. There was once I tried to tell him to stop, and he got really mad. He said that no one else loved me and that he was the only one who would ever want me. He called me worthless, but he said he loved me, and that was the only thing I needed. Someone to love me. My parents were too busy with work to spend time with me, so I need some kind of approval from someone. Anything that would make me feel wanted.

But one day he stopped visiting me. I had no idea why. I was worried, and I didn't find out what happened until someone at school who knew him told me. Turns out Adam went to jail. I wasn't the only one he had fun with. He was with four other people. Some older, and some younger. I was so sad, and so angry to hear about him doing that. He said he loved me. I thought that I meant something to him. I thought that he meant what he said. When I found that out, I fell into deep depression. He was one of the few friends I had. I didn't have many friends because of him. He was really needy and protective of me. I wanted other friends but he told me that he was the only one I needed. I still have a handful of friends, but he was who I cared about. It still hurts to this day. To even think of his name stings. If that kind of thing happened to me again I don't know what I'd do.

Now, I have Ryan. He cares. He talks to me, and he asks when I want to do things. Most of the time I say no, but I ask him if we can cuddle. He loves to cuddle. We always end up laying together in my bed watching a movie. For the first time in a forever I felt safe with someone.I was noticed by someone. It doesn't feel like he wants to be with me just for sex. We talked for a few weeks before we got together, and he's such a good person. He said that he moved up from Miami because his parents didn't want to live there anymore, and they wanted to move, so they came to Hollywood. I hope I get to be with Ryan for a long time. I need him. I need him...

*Ryan*

A minute or two later I got a text from Oliver. He replied with "Haii". Its completely illiterate, but it is cute. I wanted to hangout with Oli tomorrow so I asked him if we could go to the beach or something. It didn't take long before he replied back with "Umm... YES! It'll be so much fun!" I replied back with "Thats good to hear :) I'll pick you up at around 11, and we can leave when we get tired and burned lol". This beach day is going to be so much fun! I'm going to see if we can get some other friends to join us.

Maybe I should tell Oliver that I kissed Alex. Or tell him that Alex kissed me. That way we can still have a good day tomorrow. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. I need to be truthful with him. I mean, I am still lying to him about Alex, but hopefully Alex will dump Kevin. Then I will be there to help him.

I texted Oliver telling him to remind me to tell him something tomorrow. I hope he doesn't take it too bad.